Confucius was a legendary Chinese thinker who lived from 551-479 BC whose humanist philosophies continue to influence Asian society today so naturally the trailer for the movie about his life begins with flaming arrows and swordfights.  Yaaah, do unto others as they would do unto you and tits and fire and heavy metal!!!  And as the film draws nearer to release (opens January 28th in China, no U.S. release set), you can expect more racist pidgin speak from me, as I’m sure Confucius would’ve wanted it this way.  Framing allows? Prease harp us!  It stars Chow Yun-Fat and was directed by I-kid-you-not “Hu Mei,” as if that’s not just a bad Laurel and Hardy bit waiting to happen.  In fact, I’m just gonna hit myself in the nuts with a pie and call it a day before this gets embarrassing.

[via Twitch]

Word up, y’all.  Today I’m making like a slut who didn’t finish high school at an arena football game and giving away some free t-shirts.  Rob at ShirtGenius was nice enough to send over these vannin t-shirts, which seem well suited to our purposes.  Rob is a sick son of a bitch, and I like that.  I thought this shirt was also particularly clever.  Anyway, let’s get to it, and as always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post below.  I’ve got two shirts, so I can pick two winners.  It was tough, but I went with Chino Moreno and Confucius.

[From Robert Pattinson wants to be called "Spunk Ransom"]
Chino Moreno says: GIVE ME BACK MY CUM!

It’s funny because in my head I heard it in Mel Gibson’s voice.

[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Confucius say: Standing in line at Twilight premiere to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagull fighting over carrion.

More:

Read the rest of this entry »

(Oh, hello. I’m film actor Chow Yun-Fat, bringing you some wisdom of the Orient: it’s time you and your family had a serious discussion about Liberty Mutual.)

This is the first trailer for Confucius, starring Chow Yun-Fat, directed by Hu Mei (Who, me? AHAHAHAHAHA!  *sigh*), no release date yet.  The trailer doesn’t have subtitles, but that’s okay because there’s no dialog, just lots of shots of Chow Yun-Fat looking thoughtful and having a beard, a style still emulated by unemployed coffee shop hipsters everywhere.  Confucius, of course, is the legendary Chinese thinker born in 551 BC, whose teachings would influence Asian society for thousands of years.  “Be good at math,” Confucius wrote, “and if someone in line in front of you for subway, elbow them in ribs, even if you are old.”  He’s also credited for numerous proverbs, including “If man rack joke fo brog post, man must rery on tiled steleotype.”  Legend has it he also put pee pee in someone’s Coke.

Read the rest of this entry »