Bobby Hacker wants Conan to blow up his car and needs your help.  Do it for Chad Farthouse. |TonightShow|

Daily Circle Jerk Links:

• The 10 biggest and best celebrity boobs.  Why not?  It’s the internet.  |OpenSports|
• Here’s a District 9 clip from Attack of the Show introduced by a Playmate.  Touché, G4, touché.  |G4|
• Inglourious Basterds: The Heeb review. |Heeb|
• This guy rewrote Emilio Estevez’ Breakfast Club monologue so that it’s mostly about hair.  |YouTube|
• Funny signs, a gallery. |HolyTaco|
• The 10 hottest female grifters in cinema.  What?  No inclusion for that chick from Fast and Furious: Tokyo Grift?  Shut up, I know where the corner is. |ScreenJunkies|
• Condescending army commercial.  |CollegeHumor|
• Triumphs in assvertising.  Yes, assvertising. |NextRound|

Ed Helms plays Andy on The Office and co-stars in The Hangover as “Dr. Pussy”*, which was my nickname in high school, probably because I got so much of it!  (…yelled at me while the football players kicked me in the belly).  Aaaaaanyhoo, I met Ed Helms once and I could tell he’s every bit as cool and funny as he seems on TV, because he said “Hello” and shook my hand and walked away to go talk to some other people.  Last night on Conan, he did some scatting with the Jonas Bros.  The kind where you make noises with your mouth, not the kind where you poop on a German girl’s face.  He sounds really good, even though Conan kind of steps on the bit by laughing really loud in the middle of it.  If it were me I would’ve made like Axel Rose and jumped across the desk and beat that ginger until he farted blood, but Ed Helms was a good sport.  Like I said, he’s nice.

You can see the whole appearance after the jump.
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Sacha Baron Cohen (still in character, obviously) stopped by the Tonight Show after the L.A. premiere of Brüno (opens July 10th) last night, and you’ll never believe what happened.  He took his clothes off and tried to molest the host.  I know, I was as shocked as you are.  “Outrageous” is the only word that can describe it. (video after the jump).  Meanwhile, CHUD reports that there’s a scene in the movie that’s become even more topical since the death of Michael Jackson:

The sudden death of Michael Jackson could potentially impact the film, since there’s a (very, very funny) scene featuring LaToya Jackson as one of Bruno’s unwitting co-stars in which Michael Jackson jokes are made.

Michael Jackson jokes??!! Not cool, man. When I see this scene the theater, I plan on yelling “TOO FAR!” while coughing up nacho cheese and demanding he “get back to the queer stuff.”

UPDATE: Only a few seconds after I post this and the buzz going around is that the LaToya scene was cut from the version that premiered last night. Which was a very classy, respectful move. (*cough*) PUSSIES! (*cough, cough*). Hoo, air’s dusty today.

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The remake/reboot/whatever they’re calling it these days of Conan the Barbarian which was at one point set to be directed by Brett Ratner, has signed Marcus Nispel, the gentleman you see here.  Sources say the set will smell a little less like burritos and a little more like patchouli and cat pee.

Nispel has been set to direct “Conan,” ending a nine-year development ordeal to reinvent the Robert E. Howard-created barbarian first immortalized onscreen by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1982.

The film will be the most financially ambitious ever for producer Avi Lerner, with a script by Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer, whose credits include “Sahara” and “Cowboys and Aliens.” Lerner flirted with Brett Ratner last year, but the filmmaker could not commit in a timely fashion and Lerner couldn’t wait. That opened the door for Nispel, who’ll make “Conan” his third redo, after “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Friday the 13th” [his other directing credit being "Pathfinder"].  Nispel said he will blend his childhood imaginings of the character with the influence of the famous Conan illustrations by Frank Frazetta, and the influence of such viscerally violent period films as Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto.” [Variety]

Viscerally violent period films?  Sounds gross.  Anyway, nine years in the making and they ended up with the director of Pathfinder doing a script by the writers of Sahara. If they’d waited a few more months maybe they could’ve gotten Seltzer-Freebird and the guy from After Last Season.

Last week The Hollywood Reporter was reporting that Brett Ratner was all but confirmed to direct a remake of Conan the Barbarian.  According to the LA Times, that may just have been wishful thinking on the part of the producer.  And, yes, that means there’s a producer out there actually wishing for Brett Ratner.  Tomorrow it may rain cats while I wear shoes on my hands.

One of Hollywood’s most persuasive salesman, [Conan producer Avi] Lerner told me this morning that Ratner was the perfect director. “He has the passion and feeling for this project–he even wrote a story about Conan when he was 10 years old,” Lerner explained. “He understands the character, he analyzed the script really well. He knows how to make this a really big movie. I like his childlike enthusiasm–he almost sees these movies as wonderful toys. What can I say, he’s a nice, likable Jewish boy.”

Unfortunately, his childlike enthusiasm is really just a side effect of having the mind of a child.

But is Ratner actually committed to doing the film? In two words: Not really. When I called him today, he sounded somewhat agitated, unhappy that news of his negotiations with Lerner had surfaced, especially since he is extremely close to getting a green light from Paramount to make “Beverly Hills Cop 4.” “Let me make this very clear,” he told me. “I am not doing ‘Conan’ now. This is totally premature. For now, ‘Conan’ is only a development deal. I have a deal at Paramount and I’m doing ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ first, no matter what. Avi shouldn’t be telling you or anyone else in the press what I’m doing.”

Oh snap!  Jew fight! Jew fight! Jew fight! Read the rest of this entry »