Remember that Japanese commercial starring Quentin Tarantino from the other day?  It didn’t have subtitles so we had to guess what they were saying.  This isn’t the same commercial and this one doesn’t have Tarantino in it, but it’s from the same Softbank campaign with the black guy and the talking dog.  This one does have subtitles, but you’ll be happy to know that they don’t make it any less weird.

The black guy asks a Japanese girl to marry him.  She says no.  Next scene is him crying in his food at a cafe with a different Japanese girl and the dog.  The dog, to whom this girl refers as “Dad”,  tells the black guy to stop crying and be a man.  Then the dog yells at the cook, demanding steak.  Aaaand scene.  It’s funny because we can all relate to having that embarrassing father, always demanding steak and giving advice with no regard for your black friends’ feelings and being a talking dog.  I’ve heard the guy from the f-ck pillow commercials is much nicer.

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You really can’t go wrong when you put Quentin Tarantino in a Japanese commercial.  I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but the language barrier is simply delicious.  From what I can gather, Quentin shows up at a lady’s house with his talking dog.  Only the talking dog doesn’t like the lady’s plastic dog — who I believe is the mascot of the company the commercial’s for.  Then Quentin shouts “Samurai spiritu!” and does an elaborate pantomime, presumably about how his dog is going to kill their dog with a sword, which is how dogs traditionally settle disputes in Japan, where many have fled to avoid becoming dinner in Korea.  Then the plastic dog gets a phone call from Quentin’s wife and puts it on speaker phone, and she tells Quentin she knows he’s been hanging out with Asian chicks again, and he better get his sorry ass home.  So he runs out the door, and his talking dog makes a glib comment about how he’s pussy whipped.

That’s how I interpreted it anyway.  God I love Japan.

[japanator via CurrrentMovies]

This anti-domestic violence ad starring Keira Knightley and directed by Atonement’s Joe Wright has been banned in the U.K., for fairly obvious reasons.

Advertising censors are refusing to allow it to be broadcast unless key scenes are cut.
“The Cut” was made for the charity Women’s Aid, and launched in cinemas at the beginning of this month.
Charities working to combat domestic violence branded the decision by Clearcast, the ad approval body, “pathetic”, arguing that, in banning the advert, it is shielding the public from the reality of domestic violence.
“It seems pathetic. It is really important to raise awareness about domestic violence, and TV gets into people’s homes” said Sandra Horely, chief executive of Refuge, a charity that provides accommodation for women and children escaping from domestic violence.
“The reason we are still in conversation with Clearcast about it is because they believe it is too violent,” said Chris Hirst, managing director of Grey London Advertising Agency, which created The Cut. “Part of the point of the campaign is to raise awareness about domestic violence, and spark debate, which the advert has done, even if it doesn’t make it on to TV.”  [Independent]

Whatever, you can spout your “just raisin’ awareness” cliché if you want, but all ads like this do is convince me that the the people who make them are creepy and weird.  It’s like filming a guy who rapes a baby and poops on his dog, and then at the end an announcer comes on and says “don’t rape a baby and poop on your dog.”  Really? That was your solution?  Look, if you want money for your charity, just film Sarah McLachlan singing to a sad puppy, you can have everything in my wallet.

This is a commercial Michael Bay made for Commonwealth Bank across the pond. Er, underneath the pond (whatever you call Australia).  It ponders the question, “What if Michael Bay made a commercial for Commonwealth Bank?”  It’s not bad.  Overall, I like Bay a lot more as the star of commercials than as a movie director.  They should do this with all crappy directors.

• Manny Shymalan: “You didn’t like it?  You probably just didn’t understand it.  It’s unfortunate, but only a few people in the entire world could ever hope to fathom the concept I was going for.”
• Uwe Boll: “At least eet’s betta zen za commercials of Eli Roth, wot make za same fockink commercials every fockink time.”
• Seltzer-Friedberg: *laughing* “Get it?  It’s Paris Hilton getting hit by a dumptruck. Amazing, right?”
• George Lucas: “No, see, the family of groundhogs was just happy to see someone going to Commonwealth Bank.  My friend Stevie liked it.  He’s 11.”

You know what I love about Japan?  Even commercials for children’s toys (or tv shows, maybe?) involve visible erections and terrifying surrealistic nightmare fuel.  Yeah, so… Sorry, but I don’t have any idea what this is.  I tried to look it up, but the commercial appears to be for something called “inochi” and “inochi” apparently means “life, spirit and nature” in Japanese.  Kind of broad. Anyway, feel free to weigh in if you’ve got any knowledge on the subject.  The more Japanese stuff I see the more I wonder if Takashi Miike is just the Japanese Ron Howard.

UPDATE: According to my erudite readers, this is from the most recent Takashi Murakami art exhibition.
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