Word up, y’all. Today I’m making like a slut who didn’t finish high school at an arena football game and giving away some free t-shirts. Rob at ShirtGenius was nice enough to send over these vannin t-shirts, which seem well suited to our purposes. Rob is a sick son of a bitch, and I like that. I thought this shirt was also particularly clever. Anyway, let’s get to it, and as always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post below. I’ve got two shirts, so I can pick two winners. It was tough, but I went with Chino Moreno and Confucius.
[From Robert Pattinson wants to be called "Spunk Ransom"]
Chino Moreno says: GIVE ME BACK MY CUM!
It’s funny because in my head I heard it in Mel Gibson’s voice.
[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Confucius say: Standing in line at Twilight premiere to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagull fighting over carrion.
More:
This week, I’m giving away The Open Road, starring Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges. As always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post.
In this heartwarming comedy, minor leaguer Carlton Garrett (Justin Timberlake) takes an unexpected road trip to track down his estranged father, legendary baseball player Kyle Garrett (Jeff Bridges) when Carlton’s mother (Mary Steenburgen) becomes sick. Knowing his charming yet painfully immature dad’s likelihood to disappoint, Carlton enlists his on-again-off-again girlfriend Lucy (Kate Mara) for emotional support. Once reunited, Carlton struggles to deal with the series of misadventures caused by his father’s antics, including missed flights, car trouble and bathroom brawls. Years of miscommunication, frustration and comically awkward attempts at bonding come to a head as the mismatched trio make their way from Ohio back home to Houston to reunite the family.
Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges? I smell hijinks! Anyway, here’s your winner:
Morning, y’all. The good news is, I’ve got a couple copies of the Black Dynamite soundtrack to give away to today’s comments of the week winners (other good news: Jesus is risen). It’s a pretty cool soundtrack, and the movie is still in theaters (a handy list of which you’ll find here). So go see it, otherwise you’ll make me look bad, and I totally don’t need that right now.
And now, the winners. Choosing this was brutal because you guys were on fire like my genital sores this week. But here are the top three, the prize winners:
(from Avatar crew congratulates themselves) Chareth Cutestory says: “Good news, we can fly you to an alien planet and graft your DNA with that of an alien, follow that up with a mind-meld thingy, thereby allowing you to infiltrate their species and take them out.”
“And what about my paralysis? How’s that coming?”
“We’re not miracle workers, dude.”
This week’s comments of the week winners will receive a t-shirt with one of the designs you see above, courtesy of Rob at ShirtGenius. Shirtgenius.com has both of these and more aggressive shirt designs. Take a look at this shirt, for instance. Now that is an aggressive shirt. It makes me wish I was pregnant and Jewish. But I say that about everything. Jason Statham says, “Oi. Most cunts know, Oy don’ wear fock’n shir’s, now does Oy? But if a cunt was wearin one of dese shir’s, ovva cunts moight be woise ta steah cleah, now wouldn’ dey?” (As part of the terms of this giveaway, Rob wasn’t interested in a plug from me, only one from The Stath).
In any case, here are the winning comments (honorable mentions after the jump):
(from PATRICK BATEMAN WAS BASED ON TOM CRUISE)
Pauly Dangerously says: “As we arrive at Espace I’m on the verge of tears as I’m certain there are gays there. But there isn’t; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.” [+10 for proper use of meme -Ed.](from SOUTH AFRICAN GUY CAMPAIGNS FOR ROLE OF TARZAN)
Oski says:
Crocodile Dundee: “Thaht’s noht ah knife, this is ah knife.”
DEWET: “NO, THIS IS A KNIFE! IT’S NOT SHARP, BUT IT LOOKS AWESOME AND CAN LEARN TO BE SHARP!”
Well done, guys. Send me your addresses and collect your prize.
(An artist’s conception of internet comments sections, via marriedtothesea)
Hello and welcome to another installment of Stuff I Thought Was Funny Last Week. Each week I tell myself I’m going to edit this post down to only the funniest few comments to make it concise and newbie-friendly, but it never gets very short. What can I say, y’alls is funny. Anyway, let’s start with an auto-erotic asphyxiation joke, because that seems fitting.
(from Bret Easton Ellis and Gus Van Sant’s suicide movie) ChinoMoreno says: I once tried to commit suicide by hanging myself. It didn’t work. I didn’t die, I just came really hard.
Moving on…
