Until I print more FilmDrunk shirts, I’m all out of larges, extra larges, and smalls (still lots of mediums though!), but don’t worry, I still have a comments of the week prize. It just so happens I have a copy of Underworld Awakening on Blu-Ray. The case is a little messed up because my puppy chewed it, but that won’t stop you from watching it. I think it’s about werewolves or some shit. Yes, it’s a very professional operation we’re running here.

Okay, enough talk, let’s declare a winner. This comment, from Shop 101 on Real-Life Supervillain Rex Velvet Emerges, Issuing Challenge to Phoenix Jones, was actually part of a longer comment, but I shortened it because it’s more awesome that way:

Shop 101: Theater majors gonna’ theater.

See? Send me your address to collect your DVD, Shop. Join me below the break for this week’s honorable mentions:

Read the rest of this entry »

Hello and welcome to another fine edition of Comments of the Week, running down the best of the comments section from last week. I’ll be writing this post as quickly as possible before I’ve had my coffee, so enjoy that. For this week’s winner, I realize I’m fast running out of FilmDrunk shirts (still got plenty of Mediums!), but in the event I’m out of the winner’s size, I’ve also got Underworld Awakening on Blu-Ray. Kate Beckinsale’s ass in 3D, yo.

As you can see from the banner picture, one of last week’s most popular stories was that Val Kilmer did something and looked silly (FilmDrunk, ’tis a frivolous place). He’s not even really fat anymore, but we’ve never been ones to let someone’s weight get in the way of a good fat joke. Or a mediocre fat joke, for that matter.

Otto Man: As a young actor, Kilmer used to brag that one day he’d be bigger than Brando.

Chuck WingDuck: “Mr. Kilmer, how many chins are you wearing tonight?”

ChinoMoreno: V for Velveeta

donna romper: Love me two times, gravy.

Jessolido: “Mr. Kilmer, those were decorative soaps! This is very important: How many ‘bubba-fruits’ did you eat?”

GutsAndTalent: He is counting the number of people today who called him Fat Fartigan.

Otto Man: The Saltimbocca Sea

GutsAndTalent: The Island of Dr. Churros

Don’t ask me why, but I’m giving the slight edge to Donna Romper. I guess I’m just a sucker for gravy jokes. Send me your address and shirt size, Donna. More honorable mentions after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Probably some kind of metaphor for blog commenting

After a two week… let’s call it “sloth hiatus” – Comments of the Week is back, givin’ away FilmDrunk shirts like it ain’t no thang. The big winner this week was definitely the thread about Mel Gibson’s Jewish Braveheart movie and alleged tirades. Sometimes low-hanging fruit is the tastiest, and we gorged.

Ace Rimmer says: Mel refers to Anne Frank as ‘the Dutch Oven-Dodger’.

Moose: Jewish Braveheart claims his foreskin as a deductible.

GlennBeckHasAIDS: “Look at me!! f*cking look at me! Look how terrible I look! Answer me, God! Why did you turn your back on me?! f*ck you! f*ck you!” – Excerpt from the Book of Nose Job

Good Grief: I think the only reason Gibson hasn’t been committed to a psyche ward is that he could just dislocate his shoulder and slip out of the straight jacket.

GlennBeckHasAIDS: If Hitler had won WWII Sandy Koufax would’ve played for the Brooklyn Oven-Dodgers.

Mel Gibsons Beaver Puppet
IMAGINE ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVING LIFE IN PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’LL BURY JEWS IN THE STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nowacki: Jesus, it’s like every time Mel says something he gets rapped by a pack of naggers.

Iris Samolian: Jewish Braveheart: “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our free gum!”

A hearty bravo and slow clap for all after that. For the winner, my choice is Ace Rimmer, The way he combined a holocaust joke with a fart joke was a thing of beauty, and a fine example of the FilmDrunk spirit. Send me your address and collect your shirt, Mr. Rimmer, if that is your fake name.

Read the rest of this entry »

(source)

Good morning, Filmdrunkards, a happy Zombie Jesus/Crappy Bread Day to you all. I’ve added some international shipping rates and dropped international shipping prices on FilmDrunk Shirts. So, as your respective deities command you, go forth, and buy the hell out of them, because daddy needs booze money, forever and ever amen.

Before we get to this week’s Comments of the Week winner, let’s name the Late Comment of the Week. Just because some people wander in from Google a few months or years late to a story doesn’t mean they don’t have just as much to say. Quite the contrary, in most cases. This week’s pick comes from a 2-year-old post about Insane Clown Posse coming out as devout Christians.

Da Thrill says: What this band has done is far from AMAZING! Taking a group of people called “juggalos” who are labeled by this world as outcast and nobodies and showing them that they too can have God’s love upon them :). Kind of reminds me of what Jesus did. Jesus did not come and hang out with the Church. He was in the company of those who were considered sinners and bad people. Did he not blashpheme the church for the way they looked at these types of people and did He not come to save them? You guys can hate on ICP and juggalos all you want because that is what is expected! Hell, they hated on Jesus, the one and only Son of God and murdered him. So keep hating!! ICP and what they have done in the lives of many juggalos are the fruit of their work and I bet they have a stronger following than most priest or pastors will EVER have…………just sayin ;) Whoop whoop MCL

That comment is a perfect example of why I tend to find Juggalos strangely endearing. It’s amazing that a group that would coalesce around a couple of white, rapping murder-clowns would be so relentlessly positive, but there you go. We live in interesting times.

And now for the comment of the week. Lots of goodness as always this week, but I thought this was too clever to be denied. Ragnarok, in the trailer for the Total Recall remake:

Ragnarok: 
A confused Irish guy fights his way through fragmented memories while his pissed off girlfriend tries to kill him? They should’ve just called this “March 18th”.

Nicely done. Email me for your shirt. And now for your runners up.

Read the rest of this entry »

I award Burnsy Photoshop of the week for this.

It was another great week in clever commenting, but hey, I don’t need to tell you that, this is FilmDrunk! Before we get to this week’s winner, (who, as per usual, will be taking home a FilmDrunk shirt which you can buy here), we had a few noteworthy… well, let’s call them conscientious objectors. People who showed up late to the party and created a login specifically to register their discontent. First, young Jan, who didn’t like us bashing Taylor Lautner that one time back in January.

Jan: Taylor deserve more credit than many of you (particularly men) give him! Men are always bashing young Taylor on their comments! Taylor can act and one day all of you negative AH will kick yourselves in your AH!

Aw, much as I want to make fun of young (I assume — perhaps also foreign) Jan here for… well, everything, I find her need to abbreviate the word “asshole” incredibly endearing. I imagine her chastising me, hands on hips, unspeakably angry but still incapable of telling a swear. “You’re being a real… a real… well, a real J-E-R-K!”

Next up, remember the great FilmDrunk/Rape Van feud of 2009? Well this guy sure does:

vonalochi: Dude, f*ck you. That’s one bad ass van. More bad ass than your stupid comments that lack a point. It’s been three years now. Hopefully you’ve grown up a little and can appreciate differences in other people and fantastic artwork when you see it. You’re a prime example of the scum of this world. Argue about something that actually is going to apply to your life in the near future, because the reason why kids like YOU are working at Wendy’s making MY jr. bacon cheeseburgers is because all you ignorant f*cks do is go online and talk sh*t on people they know nothing about. Just remember the more enemies you make, the more prone you are to getting f*cked with, moron. On the internet or not. COMMON SENSE, fag.

“COMMON SENSE, fag,” really is the archetypal internet comment. I plan to use it as my new email closing. I’ve even used it to replace “sent from my iphone.” I also like the implication that the ultimate hallmark of success in life is having someone else to make your junior bacon cheeseburger for you. Well la di da, your highness. Wait, did you say “junior?” What are you, watching your figure or something? Call us when you grow up and start eating big boy cheeseburgers, FAG.

Ahh, we have fun, don’t we? Okay, time to choose a winner. I know you guys sort of vote on this stuff, but I had to overrule your nominations and seconds, because this was just too inspired. From my post about Jane Fonda playing Nancy Reagan in The Butler, about the White House butler, from Precious director Lee Daniels (my God, isn’t that just the movie-est-sounding movie ever?):

Read the rest of this entry »