Breaking Dawn is a batsh*t insane book, so it shouldn’t be surprising that fans of it were also the first ones to line up for San Diego Comic Con 2011 just to get a glimpse at the actors and see two boring scenes from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (AKA Snorkels the Vampire Fetus).  The good news is part 2 (in theaters November 2012) is probably the last movie in the theaters, at least until Summit decides to reboot it with even younger, paler leads.

As far as they know, Summit has no plans for further “Twilight” movies and/or spinoffs.“I think Stephenie [Meyer] is done with us,” Elizabeth Reaser, who plays Esme Cullen in the film saga said, referring to the author of the book series. [ThePlaylist]

Hallelujah.  So what other pearls of wisdom did the cast throw out to the 6,500 or so twihards in attendance at Hall H?

What was the cast’s reaction to the birth scene when they read it? Stewart: “I thought it was so cool; we really tried to go as hardcore as we could.” [Deadline]

Yeah, hardc0re!  *chugs Mountain Dew Code Red, crushes can on forehead, uses teeth to perform vampire baby c-section*

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Word to your mothers, FilmDrunkards, it’s Comments of the Week time again.  I’m doing things a little differently this week because I have a bunch of Comic-Con swag to give away.  Basically, I’m going to lay out what I have, then tell you a few people who I think were deserving, and those people can email me what they want/what shirt would fit them.  First, the deserving ‘Drunkards:

From the Zac Efron to play a Marine thread:

Stone Soup says: I’ve seen Zac’s wardrobe for the infantry scenes. It consists of tight camouflage shorts and a lime green shirt that says “PLEASE ask”.

Bubb Rubb says:
**Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-* Brrat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-**
Efron!! Stop f*cking dancing and lay down some covering fire!!!

Donkey Hodey says:
*waves with two hands*
Semper HI!

Semper Hi.  Genius.  The Rihanna cast in Battleship thread was similarly full of win:

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I don’t plan to skip covering the news or turn this into my personal travel blog, but seeing as how I did attend my first Comic-Con this weekend, I figured some of you might want to know what that’s like.  If that’s not you, feel free to ignore this post.  I won’t be offended.  If you are curious, well HOLD ONTO YOUR MOTHERF*CKING HAT, MOTHERF*CKER!  Because here is semi-thoughtful review of sorts.

What Comic-Con Means to Me, by Carrot Top’s brother, the clown-faced lesbian

I went in expecting to hate it.

For one thing, I’m more of a comedy nerd than a comic book nerd, so I’m not even really the target audience.  I’m actually really creeped out by this new trend of everyone rushing to prove that they’re the nerdiest.  Of course, Comic-Con isn’t actually about comic books anymore (“Community” has nothing to do with them, for instance, not even if you squint), but what it has become isn’t exactly my flask of whiskey either.  Standing in f*cking lines, people constantly handing you pointless trinkets, huge crowds of smelly, slow-walking weirdos, bored promo models in tranny makeup, publicists, studio flacks, and marketing people galore; all pandering to that mostly imaginary demo of guys who are supposed to like absolutely anything to do with monsters, boobs, gadgets, videogames, comic books, cartoons or anything originally intended for children.  But probably my biggest reservation about Comic-Con was that it’s all taken on an air of the World’s Most Photographed Barn. We’re not sure why we’re standing in this line or where it goes.  We just suspect we want to be at the front of it and post the pictures on Twitter.

Being that I’ve already admitted that I’m not interested in what Comic-Con is supposed to be about, and yet I still went, I have to cop to being the perfect personification of all the shallow, venal things it’s become.  If I was to go, there was no choice but to accept that and say F*CK IT, I’M GOING TO TAKE THE WORLD’S MOST LOOKED-AT PICTURE OF THAT AWESOME F*CKING BARN.

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(Here’s Adrianne Curry dressed as Slave Leia.  I snapped this just as she crossed in front of the world’s most exhausted-looking fat guy.  Here’s a better picture, and by better, I mean sluttier.)

I still have a million pictures from Comic-Con, and I figured it’d be a shame to let them go to waste.  So come with me, on a magical journey through space and time and questionable cleavage and sweaty fat guys.   Perhaps we’ll gain valuable insight into the human condition. Probably not.  And yes, your scrolling finger will most likely cramp up before you ever get to the bottom of this post.

I suppose I should start with the pictures of chicks, because I expect that’s what you’re expecting. First, the Leias.

It will be difficult to return to society after my Comic-Con experience.  Like the soldier who misses the comforting feel of his rifle, I now have to resist the urge to fumble awkwardly for my camera every time I see a girl with partial boob showing.  But just know that what I did, I did for you guys.  And for America.

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I’m not sure if these panel notes are necessarily fascinating for you the reader, but since I sat through them and took notes, I figure I might as well share.  I’ll try to keep it interesting and skip to the good stuff whenever possible.  Deal? (*spits on hand, extends for handshake*)

Notes from the Community Panel

- With the whole cast joining him onstage (minus Ken Jeong, who must be off filming another Seltzer-Friedberg movie or something), creator Dan Harmon comes on to talk about how he’s always getting grief from the network and the censors, and he wants to show us the real Community, the way he originally intended it.  Then he shows some clips from the show with fart sound effects edited in to make it look like Britta has a gas problem.  They aren’t just the original clips with fart sounds slapped in there willy-nilly, they’ve actually been included in such a way that it makes them seem like farts are a plot point.  It’s nice.  You can always tell when someone’s truly putting their whole heart and soul and inspiration into a fart joke and not just farting through the motions.

- The moderator, whose name I didn’t catch and who looks like a less beardy version of Kevin Smith in his Superman t-shirt and trench coat (note from the future: this guy), asks some blah blah blah questions of the cast.  All the actors are pretty witty and good with the crowd (especially Chevy Chase, who picks his moments to speak but clearly knows how to generate a laugh {even though he seems like an asshole based on what I’ve read about him, but that’s another story…}).  But there’s still a lot of that old standby, actors-being-asked-to-pop-psychologize-the-character-they-play.  WOOF.  First of all, if it doesn’t come up directly in the story, no one gives a sh*t about your character’s inner life and motivations.  Secondly, you’re an actor.  Nothing against actors, but if you didn’t write the character, everything you say about his or her motivations, backstory, aspirations, stifled desires, etc. is just a bunch of made-up, improvised bullsh*t.  It takes talent to do well, but really, don’t bother. No one gives a sh*t.

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