"You looked."

Sony has announced in a press release that Welsh actor Rhys Ifans will be playing the villain in Marc Webb‘s upcoming 3D Spider-Man reboot with Scarfield and Emma Stone. The 42-year-old Ifans is a classic movie “that guy” who’s done solid supporting work in a billion movies and is perhaps best known to Americans as the kicker in The Replacements, which is on cable roughly every seven minutes.

Which villain Ifans will be playing has not yet been identified.  “Welsh Guy”, perhaps?  We could speculate, but if I sat here writing a post about which bad guys from the comic book I’d most like to see Spider-scarf fight, I’d have to kick my own ass.

Oh, Brett Ratner.  Attached to so many projects, yet so few that actually go anywhere.  Before we get into today’s news, let’s give the Rat Man a visit from the Ghost of Variety Articles Past, shall we?

• Ratner to exec produce an “edgy Snow White.”
• Ratner to direct a segment in a sketch movie in which Hugh Jackman will play a guy with balls on his chin.
• The Rat Man to produce a reboot of House Party.
• Attached to direct what was once a “black Ocean’s 11” but now has Noah Baumbach writing a script for Ben Stiller.
• Producer for a live-action Hong Kong Phooey.
• Was once attached to direct Conan the Barbarian remake.
• Producing one of two competing John Delorean biopic projects
• Negotiating to direct a Milli Vanilli biopic
• Attached to direct Youngblood, based on the comic book
• Talking about directing a remake of Beverly Hills Cop
• Attached to direct Gods of War

And that’s barely going back two years.  But that’s not today’s story.  Tell us, Variety, where did Brett Ratner’s wheel of dead-end turds land today?

Ratner’s producing “The Unknowns,” based on the comic created by Mark A. Altman (“DOA: Dead Or Alive”), Steve Kriozere (“NCIS”) and model/actress Monica Olsen.
Story centers around Alexis Davenport, who while living a seemingly ordinary life discovers she was actually once the highly skilled and deadly leader of a mysterious team called The Unknowns and must learn the secret of why her memories were erased and by who.
“We think ‘The Unknowns’ will be a great new comic book/action franchise,” said Ratner, who’s in preproduction as a producer on New Line’s “Horrible Bosses.”

An ordinary person who finds out she used to be a spy?  You’re right, Brett Ratner, that is new.  But are you sure the world is ready for an original story such as this?  Maybe she could also be a tough kid from the inner city who succeeds against all odds.

Hahaha, I love Hollywood sometimes.  Earlier when I announced the (incorrect) rumor that Josh Hutcherson had been cast as Spider-Man, I was all like, “Hey, well at least it’s not the fruity weirdo in the scarf, huh?” Smash cut to five minutes ago, when Sony made an official announcement about the new Spider-Man kid, and surprise, it’s Andrew Garfield, the scarf guy.  Or as I like to call him, “Scarfield.”  Some people say other pictures of him exist besides the scarf one, but if that’s true, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

After a comprehensive worldwide casting search, Andrew Garfield has been chosen to portray Peter Parker when Spider-Man swings back onto the screen in 3D on July 3, 2012.  The new film will begin production in early December directed by Marc Webb from a screenplay by James Vanderbilt.

I’ve heard Scarfield hates lasagna but loves gossipy cigarette breaks.  Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the scarf jokes. But seriously, million dollar question: who the hell is this kid?

Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: Oops.  This rumor has been debunked.

Rumor has it Josh Hutcherson of Journey to the Center of the Earth and Firehouse Dog is the new Spider-Man in Mark Webb’s upcoming 3D, muppet-babies reboot of the franchise for Sony.  Blue Sky Disney, who other sites note has been spot-on with rumors in the past, writes:

After several extensive test shoots were performed, Marc Webb and the top Sony $uits [I see what you did there. -Ed.] decided that Hutcherson was the right fit for the role and an offer was made and has been accepted.

Hutcherson has declined to comment on the rumors so far, and some people have pointed out that he’s already committed to shooting a second Journey to the Center of the Earth in the fall, so there’s still a chance that this turns out to not be true (everyone in Hollywood knows you don’t cross Brendan Fraser, the silverback of the kid-flick trade).  If you’ll remember, Hutcherson was listed as one of five actors on the shortlist for the Spider-man part a month ago.  I don’t really have an opinion on him one way or the other and all these wiener kids look the same to me nowadays, but at the very least, we can say that it could’ve been worse.  I mean, at least it’s not this guy:

You know, unless the new Spider-Man’s power is acting put out and saying bitchy things about your shoes.  “With great power comes exasperated cigarette breaks.”

This guy seems like "Dr. Strange" to me

A movie adaptation of Marvel’s comic Dr. Strange has been in some stage of development for a long time, and Marvel has just announced the hiring of two new writers, Thomas Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer.  The duo most recently wrote Conan (new picture from that below), which stars a guy from Baywatch Hawaii and totally doesn’t look like a SyFy original movie.  But I digress.

Originated in 1963 by Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko, Dr. Strange was a self-centered New York surgeon robbed of his touch after a car accident. After a stint as a wandering derelict, he found his way to a healer in the Himalayas, where he learned to tap into psychic powers to battle evil wizards and other wrongdoers. His mind is his weapon, rather than the brute force that distinguish most memorable Marvel heroes. [ThePlaylist adds: "His powers include energy and astral projection, teleportation, telepathy, creating shields and more."]

Dr. Strange has had a long strange journey to the screen that included stints at Savoy Pictures, Columbia Pictures, Dimension Films and Paramount–with a parade of writers and directors that included Bob Gale, Wes Craven, David Goyer, Stephen Norrington and Guillermo del Toro. Marvel finally got the rights  and brought the property back into the fold.

Hmmm, I don’t know about this one.  Movies about heroes whose power is their mind sound cool in theory, but in practice always devolve into two guys squinting really hard at each other. HRRRGGHH I’M CONCENTRATING HARDER THAN YOU ARE HRRRGGGHHH!!!  According to movies, having psychic powers is equal parts pained squinting and never-fully-explained hand lightning.