Yeah? Sorry, bird's busy. Can I take a message?

When I think “Mickey Rourke burger,” I think a hearty back slap, a juicy high ball, and a slice of foul-mouthed straight talk, served on a gust of cigarette breath with a side of tiny dogs.  As appetizing as that sounds, Burger King ignored all of it when creating their new Whiplash burger, based on Mickey Rourke’s drunken, parrot-berating character from Iron Man 2.

This limited-time addition to the BK^® menu captures the sharp edge of the film’s villain, Whiplash, with an intense, red-hot flavor combination featuring a flame-broiled WHOPPER^® sandwich topped with melted Pepper Jack cheese, crispy red peppers and spicy mayonnaise. The fiery sandwich will be available for a suggested price of $3.79 at participating restaurants throughout the four-week promotion.

I could see eating that, possibly for my late-night, Taco-Bell-inspired fourthmeal (thanks, Taco Bell, before it was just called “being a fat stoner”).  But why only four weeks?  What am I supposed when they discontinue the sandwich after I’m already hooked?  Go back to eating regular Whoppers? Please, I’d rather lick a subway pole (no homo).

In the national adult television commercial, the King armors up with a futuristic “Iron Man” suit. In the spot, the “Iron King” introduces the latest technologies from the BURGER KING brand to the curious visitors at the Stark Expo. In his quest to deliver high-tech value with flame-fresh taste via another new great product, the Buck Double sandwich, he ends up wreaking havoc at the Expo.*

The Iron King sounds pretty sweet, so no complaints there. (He’s successfully privatized national deliciousness!) But I ask, would not a better commercial just be The King and Mickey Rourke makin’ it rain in a strip club?

*The press release comes from IESB, who wondered “Isn’t Mickey Rourke a vegetarian?”  The answer is no (as far as I can tell).  He did some commercials for PETA (below), but they were for neutering your dogs, not going veg.  He also recently bought a cockatoo and named it “Elvis.” (Cue ‘More You Know’ music)

Read the rest of this entry »

"Squaaawk, this phone's not even plugged in. Squaaawk."

Iron Man 2 just released a new batch of stills to Yahoo, which would be boring but for one thing: reminding me that Mickey Rourke’s character gets drunk and talks to a parrot.  I’ve reported this before, but ThePlaylist has a nice breakdown:

From all reports, Rourke was a tad difficult on the set of “Iron Man 2,” which is otherwise a reportedly fun and amicable set. Rourke apparently showed his method-like peculiarity by insisting his Russian career-criminal character Whiplash could boast a nefarious pet cockatoo as some kind of sidekick that we can see in these new pictures.

Apparently this was Rourke’s way of coloring-up the character. “I told [Jon] Favreau, ‘I don’t want to just play him as a one-dimensional pussy,’” Rourke told EW earlier this year. “He let me have a cockatoo, who I talk to and get drunk with while I’m making my suit.”

It’s easy to make fun of Rourke thinking the solution to one-dimensional pussyism is a Cockatoo, but I think he’s onto something.  Let’s think about this:  You see any guy walking down the street with a shaved chest and white highlights in his hair, you probably think, “Pussy.”  But add a parrot to the same guy’s shoulder with whom he’s drunkenly carrying on a conversation… Suddenly you’re like, “Whoa, I bet that guy has some stories.”

Apparently that’s Favreau playing Happy Hogan, Tony Stark’s bodyguard.  That’s the suitcase armor he’s carrying.

Mickey Rourke is the most hilariously candid person in Hollywood, the awesome uncle you never had.  You can just see him bellying up to the bar and being like, “Make ya a deal, son, you buy us a drink and I’ll tell ya aaall about the trouble with the Orientals.”  He recently talked Iron Man 2 and was awesome as usual:

Rourke, for his part, wanted to instill some lightness into the role. “I told Favreau, ‘I don’t want to just play him as a one-dimensional p—-,’” he says. “He let me have a cockatoo, who I talk to and get drunk with while I’m making my suit.” [EW via Cinematical]

I like to picture Mickey Rourke doing his lines, and then in the middle of a scene throwing down his script in disgust.  “Aw hell, this crap’s too one dimensional!  But I know how to fix it: Fetch me a fifth of bourbon, and a parrot!“  And they’ll do it.  Because it’s Mickey Rourke.  He can bring a tear to your eye, because you know you’ll be seeing not just a drunk Russian yelling at his parrot, but his humanity.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Mickey Rourke walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.  Bartender says, “Whoa, where’d you get that?” Parrot says, “Rawk! Passed out behind an Arby’s.”

(fock’n ‘ell, is dat ‘oo oy fink it is?)

[d-listed]