An artist’s rendering

It’s Florida Friday here on FilmDrunk, and well, this is just a good police blotter right here. A genital-kicking woman was apprehended, but not before a Deputy lost his sunglasses in the fracas and general kerfufflery. *pours out bag of croakies*

The Manatee County Sheriff’s deputy responded about 2:45 p.m. Tuesday to a dispatch call of a “female in the street kicking people in genitals and running around,” according to a police report.

Katina Collins, 38, of Saratoga, who matched the description of a woman with red pants and long braids, walked away from the deputy who asked her to stop. The foot pursuit ended with Collins allegedly turning and punching the deputy, causing his sunglasses to fall off, according to the sheriff’s office. [MiamiHerald]

“Causing his sunglasses to fall off.” That’s the kicker right there. You know you done f*cked up when a Florida cop loses his sunglasses. That’s a universal, cinematic symbol of foreboding, like when the music stops playing in the saloon, or birds flying off a telephone wire. A cop losing his sunglasses is about as close as real life gets to a middle-of-the-trailer record scratch.

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HitFix recently did an interview with Kevin Smith, who once again proves himself the most compelling interview in the business, even when his movie kinda looks like a pile of ass.  I urge you to read the whole thing because he’s great, but here are some interesting scraps:

I also thought, like, man, if I made this movie and my father was alive, my father would have been like, ‘Oh, you do make movies for a living,’ because all the other sh** I used to do, he would never quite understand. He was like, ‘Is that really a movie? Does it count as a movie if you just talk about other people’s movies, Kevin?’ And I’d be like, it does now, Dad In The ‘90s.  So this, he’d see this, and he’d be like, ‘Bruce Willis, a plot, there are guns… that’s a movie, Kevin. You are a filmmaker.’ And it appealed to me on a sentimental level because he’d taken me to see all those flicks. “Lethal Weapon”, “48 Hours” all that sh**.”

“I feel complex about the whole thing because I’m like, should I be so proud of myself for fighting so hard to be what essentially is an average looking film? Like, it finally looks like the average movie looks. For years my sh*t didn’t look like average movies.

“[But] I was a director on ‘Cop Out.’ I came in, I had a script and I was like, O.K., this is how we execute this and there’s visual components and whatnot. Mapped it out, had storyboards, sh*t like that. The other movies, they weren’t films, they weren’t movies. They were just me ripping open my chest, pulling out fatty chunks of my heart, slapping it between two platters, projecting it and being like, what do you think? And that’s not cinema. That’s blog-esque cinema…

Yet again I want to hug him for being so damned engaging and honest as a person, and then shake him for probably making another crappy movie.  As it turns out, a very similar thought process was behind WB offering him the movie in the first place:
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Steven Seagal, noted cockpuncher, has a role in Last Night, a horror movie by first-time director Richard Crudo.  You may remember Crudo for his cinematography in such masterpieces as Down to Earth, Bring It On Again, and Homie Spumoni.  I had to look up that third one just to make sure it exists.  Yep.  Homie Spumoni.  It stole the prize for Best Cinematography away from Reprise in Norway.

The original source is Romanian, but moviehole did some translating:

"The futuristic fright-flick tells of a group of people in a hospital who are transformed into bloodsucking vampires [Ed. - the worst kind of vampires]. Seagal plays the commander of a troop of soldiers sent in to obliterate the neck-biters."

I hopes he punches the vampires in the junk.  He really excels at that.  – RoboPanda

[source: Kappa]

According to CinemaBlend, The Universal Society of Hinduism is demanding an advance screening of Mike Myers’ new movie The Love Guru for Hindu leaders.

The request comes from a fear that the movie appears to be lampooning Hinduism while tossing about Hindu terminology frivolously, according to a press release issued by the group. President of the Society, Rajan Zed, stated that Hinduism should not be taken lightly, as the oldest and third largest religion in the world.

Reached for comment, Rajan said, "’His karma is huge’?  What does that even mean?  Is that supposed to be some sort of lame dick joke?  If one is to make a double entendre joke, at least one of the words in it has to have more than one meaning – that is the basic definition of double entendre! Rajan does not believe that is the case here.  Do not get me wrong, Rajan loves dick jokes. But ‘His karma is huge’?  That is not funny.  That does not even make sense.  Rajan watch movie trailer and the whole time Rajan think, ‘Has not Rajan already seen these jokes somewhere before?’  And then Rajan think, ‘Austin Powers!  Rajan already saw all these dumb gags in the Austin Powers movies.’  Rajan is offended by this Love Guru, for he presumes Rajan has never seen an American comedy movie before.  Rajan has seen many comedies.  Rajan loves Wedding Crashers.  But Rajan thinks Love Guru deserves direct-to-DVD release.  That is all – Rajan has spoken." 

MINI UPDATE – As pointed out by commenter "The Luchador", Myers may think he’s getting a pass because he’s buddies with Deepak Chopra [ha, more like DeeBAG Chopra - Ed.]. Relevant video after the jump. 

Ahh, nothing better than a comedian who will seriously discuss "his craft", is there?

Here’s the latest publicity still from Indiana Jones and the Something of Somethingorother.  There are a couple more pics here, including another gem for Karen Allen’s MySpace page, Shia LePoof looking broody, and an action shot of Cate Blanchett seemlessly disappearing into yet another role (oh my God, such a talent!).

Can I just ask – what’s with the bullwhip?  Has nobody ever broken this down?  He’s a grown man who walks around with a leather bullwhip? 

I can only imagine his knapsack is full of lube and anal beads and ticklers and handcuffs and shit.  In fact I think that utility belt is actually a strap on he turned backwards for the photo.  I imagine the final scene of the movie will be Indy stomping on the bad guy’s nuts with high heels in a seedy motel room somewhere.