THR profiles the Worst Oscars number of all time (with video)

Written by Vince Mancini / 02.20.13

Hollywood Reporter is doing some solid work today, catching up with Eileen Bowman, an actress who, in 1989, played Snow White opposite pre-sex scandal Rob Lowe in one of the most disastrous Oscars musical numbers of all time. It was an especially interesting read for me, since I’m too young to remember the number in question (older I get, the more I enjoy saying that). But I’m including the longest video of it I could find. My God, it’s so painful. It goes without saying, but there was a lot of cocaine going around in the late eighties.

The campy live number, arranged and conducted by Marvin Hamlisch, was as over-the-top as the man who masterminded it, Grease producer Allan Carr, a bombastic Hollywood oddball famed for wearing caftans and hosting debauched parties at his disco-equipped house in Benedict Canyon. (That residence, Hilhaven Lodge, is the current home of Brett Ratner, leading some to joke that the place is cursed, at least where producing the Oscars is concerned.)

The bit featured background actors dressed as stars with black leggings and Merv Griffin singing about coconuts, for 15 minutes, even longer and more painful than an SNL cold open these days. Just how bad was it?

Carr was uniformly shunned at industry canteen Morton’s the following day. Disney, which then had no stake in ABC, was furious over the unauthorized use of its copyrighted version of Snow White and filed a lawsuit against the Academy. And 17 Hollywood heavyweights — among them Paul Newman, Gregory Peck, Julie Andrews and Billy Wilder — signed an open letter deriding the telecast as “an embarrassment to both the Academy and the entire motion picture industry.”

This is at an event for an organization that invited Billy Crystal back to host last year. You can imagine how bad a bit would have to be to inspire an open letter.

[Bowman, during the audition process] Our first stop was Allan Carr’s house. I remember his swimming pool had pink water in it. He had a 30-foot Oscar outside his door and auditioned us in a robe. The other girl and I looked at each other thinking, “What is happening?”

My dress was bought for $23,000 by someone involved with the production who was buried in it. It was a man. I’m leaving it at that.

[The next day after the Oscars] My phone never stopped ringing. It was awful. All I can say is what Rob Lowe said, “Never trust a man in a caftan.” [THR]

Anyway, it’s a great read, and I’d definitely urge you to check it out. I’d like to think Brett Ratner has since had Allan Carr’s pink disco pool filled with nacho cheese. Disco pool —> Crisco pool.

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An Important Phone Number and Morning Links

Written by AMB / 01.28.13

Stay safe out there, you guys.

MORNING LINKS
This Week in Posters & Stills: A German Shepard in a Mask |Film Drunk|

Vince will be performing tomorrow night during SF Sketchfest. Show some support and buy a ticket. DO IT! |Events|

Justin Halpern is back with some more stories |Frotcast|

I can’t wait for the sequel A Wocka Wocka Wocka To Remember[via Roboshark]

Interview: Talking To Fred Armisen About ‘Portlandia,’ ‘SNL,’ And Meeting Prince
|Warming Glow|

The Best Images & GIFs Reacting To J.J. Abrams Directing ‘Star Wars’ |UPROXX|

Behold, The Lineup For Puppy Bowl IX!
|With Leather|

UPROXX’s Ultimate Guide To Comics For Beginners, Part One |Gamma Squad|

Getting To Know Baauer By His 10 Best Remixes |Smoking Section|

A Company Is Selling Temporary Kaepernick Tattoos |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

You can find beauty in the strangest places |theChive|

A Reminder That Nicolas Cage Was Once Going To Play Superman In A Movie |Buzzfeed|

And Now For Ashley Greene in The Classiest Post I’ve Ever Written |The Superficial|

15 Unintentionally Inappropriate Kid Drawings |HuffPost Comedy|

JJ Abrams To Direct New Space Balls Movie! |Videogum|

11 Original Songs That Were Cut From Their Movies |Mental Floss|

The Tarsier |Holy Taco|

The 25 Best Cocktails In NYC Right Now Being Made In GIFs |Complex|

eBay Bans The ‘Django Unchained’ Action Figures |Screen Junkies|

Your Birthday: Then and Now |College Humor|

Taylor Swift Really Wants Someone To Love Her, Bang Her |IDLYITW|

The Best Cars From Sci-Fi |Unreality|

Watch Baby Jennifer Lawrence’s ‘My Super Sweet 16′ Promo |NextMovie|

Hollywood’s 11 Most Inspiring Female Ass Kickers |Pajiba|

12 Athletes Who Lied About Being On The Juice |Giant Life|

New technology could stop global warming by turning CO2 into booze |Fark|

Bad Lip Reading: Inauguration 2013 |High Definite|

Is This the Most Badass Ad Campaign of All Time? |Brobible|

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VIDEO: Comedian brings heckler on stage, finds cocaine on him

Written by Vince Mancini / 11.14.12

Here’s a fun little video that’s been making the rounds among my stand-up comedian friends: comedian Jake Weisman, performing at the Hell Yes Fest in New Orleans over the weekend, finds himself dealing with your typical drunk jackass who thinks he’s helping entertain the audience by interjecting dumb comments in the middle of Weisman’s set ups (you’d be amazed at how common it is for drunk people to talk to the the guy on stage as if it’s a private conversation between just them two – I mentioned this phenomenon in my Dave Chappelle story a while back). It starts about 4:40 into the video, and rather than trying to power through his bits over the top of Drunk Jackass, Weisman wisely sits down and prods the guy who wants all the attention onto the stage.

Shockingly, the drunk guy is obnoxious and not funny, and is very bad at taking direction. Weisman starts literally, physically wrestling with Drunk J, and at that point, even the heckler-humiliation bit is starting to go south, when all of a sudden, at 6:55 of the video, a bag of cocaine falls out of DJ’s pocket. Weisman points out that this is the first time he’s seen cocaine (and you call yourself a comedian?!) and tries to convince DJ that’s he’s going to go to jail. The guy eventually leaves, and it’d be nice to think that he’d learned a lesson, but I doubt it. If it was me, I would’ve done what my grandpappy did to teach me a lesson when I got into his coke stash: he made me snort the whole bag.

In any case, well done, Jake Weisman, you win the award for heckler-shaming. Though I have to admit, that little shrug the kid gives when Weisman hands him his cocaine is pretty classic. “Eh, he found my cocaine, whaddyagonna do?”

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$450K for Hollywood Cocaine Whistleblower

Written by Vince Mancini / 10.24.12

Sometimes Shutterstock just nails it, you know?

This might seem a little inside baseball, but any time a guy in the movie business is nicknamed “Cokey the Clown,” I’m covering it. So Andrew MacDonald, a visual effects guy who was working for Ascent Media Group, recently won a $450,000 settlement against his former employer, saying they wrongly terminated him after he blew the whistle on one of his superiors’ cocaine use. Wait, cocaine? In Hollywood? INCONCEIVABLE!

It comes more than three years after MacDonald spoke up about Alex Frisch, best known as the visual effects supervisor on the Pirates of the Caribbean films, who according to court papers was known in the office by such nicknames as “Power Donut Man” and “Cokey the Clown, Our Fearless Leader.”

I’m assuming that’s supposed to read “Powdered Donut Man” because Power Donut Man sounds more gay porn-related than coke-related. Also, those nicknames are pretty crappy for people who tell stories for a living. “Get it? Cokey the Clown? Because he does coke? Great nickname, right? And this guy over here, I like to call this guy ‘Charlie T-Shirts,’ the old t-shirt wearin’ sonovabitch!”

Frisch has denied such behavior, telling The Hollywood Reporter that allegations of coke abuse were a “lie” and that MacDonald’s accusations have been “very painful.” Frisch wasn’t a party to this litigation.

Whatever you say, guy, we’ve seen the movie.

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Princess Leia’s coke addiction preserved in Star Wars (PHOTO)

Written by Vince Mancini / 09.28.12

"I swear to God, if this bitch tells me about her t-shirt business one more time..."

Rumors abound about Carrie Fisher’s past as an incorrigible cocaine addict, mainly because Carrie Fisher won’t shut up about it, in her books, one-woman shows, and impromptu, Home Depot parking performance pieces. But it wasn’t until today (as far as I know) that evidence was presented showing that her utter fienditude was so pervasive that it’d actually been preserved on celluloid. Fisher’s coke nail is clearly visible in this still from Return of the Jedi posted on Reddit. I suppose it could be Photoshopped, but what am I, a lie detector?

Buzzfeed even found another photo of Fisher with a suspiciously long nail:

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