Take note, aspiring journalists, THIS is how you write a news lede:
A New York man came up with an unusual plan to hurt his ex-girlfriend: kill a bear, skin it, and then dress up in the carcass and attack her.
Well it worked in Wicker Man, but if Arnold Schwarzenegger from Hercules in New York shows up, you’re f*cked. Let’s see how far he got with this plan. I’m guessing this idea doesn’t last longer than a meth high.
The Associated Press reports that Clyde Gardner, of Malone, N.Y., planned to wear the bear hide and claws to attack his ex-girlfriend and kill her, leaving no trace of his foot or fingerprints at the scene of the crime. The woman, with whom he had a violent, on-again off-again relationship and a child, had recently thrown him out of the house again, the report said.
Okay, well that sounds plausible. “What? *I* didn’t shoot her, it must’ve been a bear. Just look at these tracks!”
Gardner allegedly abandoned the bear plan, however, in favor a more practical one: hiring a hit man.
You don’t say.