(*rides by on Vespa scooter*  Ooooooh snaaaaaaaaaap)

This video has been making its way around the internets, and why not?  It is after all a meaningless cluster of images one of which is a sign that says “Cloverfield” for a split second.  Haha, remember that?  It was this movie every seemed to care about for a couple days.  So, is this viral marketing for Cloverfield 2?  Maybe.  Or maybe it’s just an experiment.  Like, if I wrote “Cloverfield” on the side of a pigeon and then filmed it while it walked around eating seeds and cleaning its feathers, how long would people watch?  In related news, Sexman has changed his name to Cloverfieldman.  You’ve done it again, Abrams.

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The Cloverfield DVD comes out April 22nd, and two alternate endings with almost thirty seconds of never-before-seen footage have hit the web.

In them, the two main characters use the video camera to record their dying words.  “I wish I would’ve done something remotely interesting with my life!”  they shout.

Just kidding, they actually just cry and whine about some stupid crap before the camera goes dead.  Boy, I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait to watch this handheld zapruder footage on high definition blu-ray!

[Source] 

Pretentious emo douche Pete Wentz has been going around telling people that Cloverfield writer Drew Goddard had based the movie on a Fall Out Boy album, and that the two would sync up, a la Dark Side of the Moon and The Wizard of Oz.  (On enough drugs, any album syncs up with any movie, but anyway…) Meanwhile, Goddard says:

“To clarify … I was playing their album the whole time while writing ‘Cloverfield.’ I don’t want to undercut [the idea that the movie was inspired by FOB’s album], but it was just that the album came out at the same time as I was writing the script, and the way I work, I need music on in the background, and I was playing it, so it was inspiring in that sense, so I told them it was inspiring.” 

The main thing here is he admitted liking Fall Out Boy, which may explain why the characters in Cloverfield are such boring annoying hipsters.

Everyone in this story is like the people that go on reality TV shows, and when the judges ask them, "Tell us something interesting about you," they go, "Well, I’m like, really into music."  Oh my God, you’re so unique!  Everyone else I know hates music!  What’s next, you enjoy having fun?  That would be too creepy.  I think we’re like we’re soul mates or something.          

Despite hardly being marketed at all, Cloverfield was the come from behind surprise of the weekend, grossing an estimated $41 million in its debut and breaking the record for a January opening. 

Incredibly, the surefire blockbusting Katherine Heigl juggernaut 27 Dresses only managed a distant second, with $22.4 million.   

Mad Money (Who came up with that title? Genius!), with Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Xenu’s warrior princess Katie Holmes was the only other new film in wide release, and it opened in seventh with $7.7 million. 

Man! With this kind of competition for the 18-34 male demographic, it’s a wonder anyone saw Cloverfield at all!  I mean, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes in the same movie?!  I wouldn’t even be so bold as to wish for it, and yet, lo… someone up there likes me!  I can’t think of anything more exciting, except maybe Katherine Heigl going to a bunch of weddings – another bridesmaid’s dress?! She just can’t catch a break, LOL! Perhaps she’ll find love with a formerly platonic male friend…  !!!  It’s a miracle !!! My stuffed animals are going to hear about this for sure – it’s mutha f%ckin’ tea time, foo!

This is kind of a spoiler and probably illegal, so I’m leaving it off site here. Anyway, if you want to know what the Cloverfield monster looks like and are too much of a cheap bastard to buy a ticket, check it out.