All along, my hopes for Captain America haven’t been too high because they hired Joe Johnston to direct it, but this newly-released fight scene clip (aptly titled “Shield Fight”) might be enough to give us false hope for another day. The music is cheesy and overdone and ridiculous, and the Nazis seem to be shooting plasma guns for some reason, but the lack of shaky-cam is promising. And if you’re some kind of bullsh*t liberal arts major, there’s probably a thesis to be written about the symbolism of the personifaction of America running around kicking the sh*t out of everyone with a shield. “WHAT? I’M JUST DEFENDING MYSELF!”

Oh, and what was up with the guy who gets hit in the chest with the shield who falls forward? That thing must be made out of the same material as the bullet that killed Kennedy. And by Kennedy I mean JFK, not the MTV VJ. She of course died of dysentery.

[More clips available at IGN]

There’s a new clip from Transformers: Dark of the Moon out (opening July 1st), and it seems as if Michael Bay is finally giving the fans what we’ve long been clamoring for: MORE JOSH DUHAMEL. It’s like someone found a way to bottle pure charisma, and gave it a spiky haircut.  In the clip, Mr. Fergie addresses his troops on the eve of Earth’s destruction, giving the kind of pump-up speech I can only describe as if Bill Pullman in Independence Day had sex with a genetic hybrid of Gene Hackman in Hoosiers and George C. Scott’s Patton, and gave birth to a child that was weaned on milk from Michael Bay’s leopards and only allowed to watch Armageddon.

“Alright, LISTEN UP.  You wanna hit back? We’re gonna have wingsuit in.  It’s the only way to get close.”

We already tried Parkour, BASE jumping, sky surfing, rappelling, kite surfing, boogie boarding, street luging, snowmobiling, snowboarding, wakeboarding, four-wheeling, and mini-bikes, and TRUST ME, THESE GOVERNMENT-ISSUE NEOPRENE FLYING SQUIRREL SUITS ARE THE ONLY WAY!  NOW DROP YOUR C*CKS AND GRAB YOUR SOCKS, MARINES, TONIGHT’S GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT, OOH RAH-AH AH-AH!

DUHAMEL: “I can’t promise anyone a ride home, but if you’re with me… the world needs ya now.”

TOUGH BLACK SOLDIER: “I’ll find my own ride, sir!”

DUHAMEL: “WHO ELSE?”

EVERYONE: “OVER HERE, SIR!”

DUHAMEL: “THEN HERE WE GO!”

EVERYONE GRAB A RED BULL! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! WE’LL SHOW THESE GODDAMNED GENERAL MOTORS ROBOTS WHAT XTREME MARINES CAN DO, MAZEL TOV!

I always “wingsuit in” to the bedroom.

Matthew Vaughn and 20th Century Fox’s X-Men: First Class opens in just a few weeks (June 4th, to be exact).  New clips from the film, once rumored to be a behind-schedule disaster, are now coming fast and furious (as I’ve been known to myself).  The latest centers on Hank McCoy, aka Beast, played by Nicholas Hoult, who shows off his mutations for the first time, to the instant pantie moistening of Mystique, played by the lovely Jennifer Lawrence.  Oh yeah, baby, you turned on by a man with toes on his feet?  What say we go somewhere more private and I show you the meaning of “prehensile.”

Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life plays Cannes in just a few days, and opens in limited release in the US May 27th. Although I was already sold when I found out there’d be velociraptors in it, the studio still saw fit to release this latest clip, which you can watch below. In this scene, Brad Pitt’s character teaches his son to box, which he of course learned to do while researching his award-winning roles in Snatch, Fight Club, Meet Joe Black, and The Pacifier.  Try as Brad might to toughen the kid up, he still grows up to be Sean Penn.
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Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men: First Class opens in less than a month (June 4th) and today YahooMovies has a new short clip.  The clip is called “Magic Trick” and it features James McAvoy’s Professor Xavier and Jennifer Lawrence’s Mystique demonstrating their powers before skeptical CIA agents McTaggert (Rose Byrne) and Stryker (you may remember him as Brian Cox in X2, or Danny Huston in Wolverine, though hopefully you blocked that one out).  Call me crazy, but I think the old “wanna see a magic trick?” loses a bit of its luster when your trick is turning a hot young girl into a fat white guy, when the same opener in The Dark Knight ended with someone getting stabbed in the eye with a pencil.  Pencil stabbings > fat white guys, if you’re keeping score at home.

What’s McAvoy’s mutation supposed to be, over-enunciating?