In a promising move for the future of streaming media, Amazon has released the pilots of a bunch of original shows and allowed users to vote on which ones get greenlit. The way it used to work, TV networks would spend millions making a bunch of pilots, then they’d pick a few (whichever starred former castmembers of Friends, usually), and shitcan all the rest. That always seemed like a waste, not to mention it was based on studio-head predictions of what people would like, so this is a move in an interesting direction.

They could do better on offering easier-to-read descriptions of their pilots, but one such pilot is Alpha House, written by Doonesbury cartoonist Garry Trudeau, starring John Goodman, Clark Johnson, Matt Malloy, and Mark Consuelos as four senators living in a house together in DC. Sure, it sounds like a wackier take on House of Cards, but on the other hand… John Goodman. In this clip, Bill Murray makes a cameo. I think it goes without saying, I would watch Bill Murray and John Goodman in anything, even a documentary about raping my mother. All Bill Murray does in this clip is swear and yell and brush his teeth, and it’s entirely compelling. That’s the magic of Bill Murray.

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Pain and Gain, Michael Bay’s “Point Break with bodybuilders” movie (which is actually based on a true story) starring Mark Wahlberg and The Rock, hits April 26th, and just screened at CinemaCon yesterday to, um, reviews. The big question is, does Michael Bay still remember how to shoot human beings after three straight movies about robots? The good news is, he never did!

Here’s a new clip, which in just 42 seconds manages to lay out the Michael Bay blueprint for a scene. His secret? Every minor character is just one over-the-top, skin-deep gimmick, which then becomes both comic relief and plot point. In this case, it’s a gun store clerk who turns out to be a huge Stryper fan. The Rock and the boys tell him they’re cops, and he doesn’t believe them, but The Rock sees a Stryper sticker on the register and tells the clerk that they’re actually doing security for Stryper. Pretty soon he and the clerk are singing Stryper together right there in the gun store and everything works out okay! Haha, hilarious! Good thing the Stryper sticker didn’t turn out to be from another clerk, or any number of other infinite, more interesting possibilities!

Anyway, here’s the early word on the movie, from what I can gather from my Twitter follows:

Michael bay’s $25 million pain and gain is an impeccably crafted noisy soulless depressing enterprise. Dumb male demo.#cinemacon

— Anne Thompson (@akstanwyck) April 16, 2013

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I can’t believe that it has been almost a year since we here at UPROXX consummated our bro crush on Community’s Jim Rash with a live discussion, but I guess time flies when you’re competing with a thousand other perverts while trying to get Gillian Jacobs to marry you in the comments of her Q&A. Ah, young love. Ever since that glorious chat with Rash, he has evolved into Oscar-winner Jim Rash, and in July he will pop his cherry as director Jim Nash, with The Way, Way Back, starring Steve Carell and Sam Rockwell.

But all this talk about Rash and not a mention of his other half, Nat Faxon, who co-wrote the Academy Award-winner for Best Adapted Screenplay, The Descendants, with Rash and Alexander Payne. Faxon has since become the star of the critically-acclaimed and therefore cancelled Ben and Kate on Fox. Faxon is also one of the stars of Broken Lizard’s Freeloaders, directed by Dan Rosen, which was released on DVD last week, and because we’re all cool bros, we were able to get our hands on an exclusive clip from the special features.

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“Hold on, neither of you is a baller or a playboy.”

After being pushed back nearly an entire year, G.I. Joe: Retaliation finally hits theaters on March 27, and it goes without saying that the problem with this sequel is that it doesn’t have nearly enough Channing Tatum. Paramount officials tried to say the film was delayed because they wanted to add 3D and whatever, but we all know it’s because nobody wanted to watch C-Tates get killed off in the film’s opening minutes, like he’s some kind of Steven Seagal in Executive Decision.

Whether or not C-Tate’s life has been spared so he can make a return in G.I. Joe 3: Hey Cobra, Do U Like Deez? isn’t known, but he apparently doesn’t die and people like that better. And the mad love for C-Tates shows in one of the two new Retaliation clips released this week, as the first features The Rock… I’m sorry, Dwayne Johnson pumping his troops up with some Jay-Z. But yo playboy, Errbody knows C-Tates B down wit Nas, holla atcha Illmatic, son.

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You may remember a while back that Lindsay Lohan was supposedly attached to a biopic about Deepthroat porn star Linda Lovelace. That project, sadly, fell through before the crew even had a chance to experience the joy of working with a mature professional like Lindsay. Now we have Lovelace, directed by Howl directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, and starring Lindsay Lohan’s Mean Girls co-star Amanda Seyfried. Ah, Mean Girls, remember when Lindsay was the star and Amanda Seyfried was making her debut playing the dumb chick? There’s really no better illustration of their respective career paths than this.

Anyway, Lovelace is currently looking for a distributor at Sundance, and you can watch a clip below. It features creepy Wes Bentley asking her about the first time she had sex. She talks about her vagina as a delicate flower that opens in the sun and gets all loosened up to the point that it looks like she’s about to take her top off and let the creepy guy take pictures of her. Is this how Terry Richardson does it? Anyway, it’s an inspirational story of self-acceptance that every young girl should watch.

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