Because there hadn’t been a new Prometheus clip or still in the last few hours and that simply wouldn’t do, Ridley Scott released (via his YouTube) this new short clip, “Prometheus has landed.” Prometheus is the name of the ship, get it?? The clip doesn’t show us a lot, but we do get a nice broad-side, money shot of the spaceship itself, a lá Michael Fassbender’s dong closeup at the beginning of Shame. Then Idris Elba tells the crew “brace for entry!” (insert Fassmember joke here) and they put on their seatbelts and grab their oh-shit handles, while Elba himself casually strolls through the cabin like it was a hotel lobby. He doesn’t even hold onto anything to stabilize himself, not even Michael Fassbender’s dong, which is probably the first thing I’d grab for if I was losing my balance on a spaceship. I guess the moral here is that even in space, black guys have really good balance.

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Here’s the latest clip from Snow White and the Huntsman, a movie that looks like what would happen if you stuck a book of fairy tales, a Tapout shirt, and a Disturbed CD into that machine from The Fly and sprinkled them with cocaine. As you watch this, keep in mind that people around town are so high on this project that they already pulled the trigger on another script written by Evan Daugherty, and the studio is already fast-tracking a sequel. Yes, a sequel to Snow White & The Huntsman. Which is interesting, because the most impressive thing about this clip is how thoroughly it was able to convince me what a flaming turd this is going to be in just 38 seconds. Did you know: This made it onto the list of the best screenplays of the year? What could this script even look like?

INT. QUEEN’S CASTLE

Black stalactites fall from the vaulted ceiling, form into stalactite men, and attack. All looks grim until THOR shoulder charges one of them and they instantly disappear.

THE QUEEN
Come, and avenge your father.

BELLA SWAN
(looking heartburned) YAAAAAAAAAAAH!

They fight.

Fin.

It has to have more grunting sounds and ketchup stains than actual dialog, right? Oh man. This is going to terrible. Opens June 1st.

I feel compelled to preface this by saying that I’m a huge Sacha Cohen fan, from his pre-HBO Ali G Show days all the way through Bruno. Even when I’m not laughing I’m mesmerized by his balls (wait, that came out wrong) and consistently impressed with his ability to stage a sociological experiment. The Dictator, however, is a departure from his last few documentary-style movies, in that the people reacting to him are actors, which robs Cohen of his biggest strength, his ability play off people who aren’t in on the joke. (If you’ve seen Ali G Indahouse, you know what exactly what I’m talking about). Paramount just released the opening scene from The Dictator online, and from the sounds of it, it seems less funny than real-time Cohen riffing at the CinemaCon presentation a few days ago:

By way of introduction, Baron Cohen claimed to have starred in movies such as “When Harry Kidnapped Sally, The 14 Year Old Virgin, and The Planet Of The Rapes“. As he told the industry audience, “My film will be released on May 16. As for your families, we’ll see.”

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"Behold, my greatest creation, the Disheveling Ray, capable of turning a normal man into-- OH GOD NO I'VE SHOT MYSELF!"

After the jump, I’ve got a new clip from The Avengers, featuring ScarJo and Ruff Daddy talking about Gamma Rays (your favorite!). The Avengers is already out in most foreign territories, where it’s racking up rave reviews (96% on RottenTomatoes so far), and sparking talk of even-bigger-than-expected box office. But in this clip, Scarlett Johansson gives a performance that could generously be described as… “understated.”  Though she certainly enunciates well. I AM ROBO-SCARJO. GAMMA RAYS ARE BAD MEEP MORP.
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You can whine about Wes Anderson being overly twee and precious all you want, if Ed Norton, Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand, and Harvey Keitel (you’re barely skating by, Schwartzman!) are all in a movie together, I’m seeing that movie, even if it’s a cripple snuff porn directed by Hitler. My smug liberal arts boner is all tumescent with soy chai for this one. I regret nothing. In the name of the father, the son, and shirtless Bill Murray holding an axe, amen.

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