The poster hit the other day, and now there’s a full trailer for Jeff Who Lives at Home, a Duplass Brothers comedy (Cyrus, The Puffy Chair) starring Ed Helms and Jason Segel, the two most likable dudes around outside of Paul Rudd and Sam Rockwell. Segel plays the titular Jeff, who lives at home in his mom’s basement like a blogger stereotype (I’ll admit, my hair does look almost exactly like that), and Helms plays his brother, whose wife (Judy Greer) is cheating on him (hence all hedge-hiding).
Wow, you guys. Did I miss the memo that Super 8 was a kids movie? Because I must admit, with all the hype, the super-secret teaser trailers, the squeals of the Lost fanatic, no-spoiler gestapo (relax, I’m not going to ruin anything for you, freaks), I never heard the part where JJ Abrams was making a really expensive Disney Channel movie. Because that’s what Super 8 seems to be. Either that, or a painfully earnest, non-comedic parody of 30-year-old Spielberg films where the hot new element is “LENS FLARES!”
All you really need to know about Super 8 is that at one point, it commits the cardinal sin of “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, DO YOU!“ But blah blah plot summary wank fart (*snooze*). Okay, so there’s this group of kids. Each of them has a paper-thin gimmick disguised as characterization. For instance, there’s a fat kid who says “Mint!” every five seconds, an ugly kid with braces who loves fire, a pussy who vomits, and a protagonist who keeps his dead mom’s locket with him wherever he goes (thank God every dead chick in sh*tty movies carried lockets or else no one would remember them). All interactions between them seem designed to make sure you don’t forget their central conceit. EXAMPLE:
(*external threat*)
“Have you seen my mom’s locket?”
“MINT!”
(*explosion*)
“AWESOME!”
(*puke, cry*)
(*audience laughter*)
You might remember the other day when I posted a quote from Albert Books telling Adam Carolla about one of his least favorite screenwriting tics — when characters constantly, unrealistically address each other by name, just so we don’t forget their names. Specifically, Brooks said:
“There are things I can’t stand in movies, that can be so easily fixed. I don’t like peoples’ names. [...] Just to say it all the time… it’s sloppy writing. I’ll tell you a fun game when you have nothing to do: watch Titanic and count how many times he says ‘Rose.’ It must be five thousand. [...] I think he even says it underwater.”
That seemed like a great idea, so right after I transcribed the quote, I opened the zippered ear hole on Oliver’s gimp suit and whispered, “Hey, you should make a mash-up of that,” and then hit him in the crotch with a wiffle bat. Being the good slave/video editor that he is, after he came, Oliver delivered a video even better than I could’ve imagined. Not only does Leo say “Rose” a ridiculous number of times, Kate Winslet says “Jack” an equally-ridiculous amount. Jack! What is it, Rose? Jack, don’t die, Jack! ROSE! Not without you, Rose! I love you, Rose! Don’t marry Billy Zane, Rose, he doesn’t know the Rose I know! Jack, I love you too, Jack! Jack, I’m married to Billy Zane but really it’s Jack that I love, Jack! Jack! Rose! Rose! Jack! …
We even made a game out of it. So which do you think they say more? Place your bets below…
Legendary comedian and filmmaker (and brother of Super Dave) Albert Brooks was on the Adam Carolla podcast yesterday, and one of the great things about Albert Brooks is that he doesn’t spend all his time kissing ass like the rest of these Hollywood phonies. Two of the great things about him are that he doesn’t kiss ass, AND he likes making fun of some of the same movie clichés we do. A large part of the 90-minute conversation covered bad movie clichés, and it was great to hear. Besides mentioning the precocious, articulate child trope I bitch about every chance I get (most recent example, 1:36 of the Crazy, Stupid, Love trailer — “She’s your soul mate, right? Go get her back!” HURRR), Brooks mentions a couple other obnoxious chesnuts aspiring screenwriters should avoid.
“There are things I can’t stand in movies, that can be so easily fixed. I don’t like peoples’ names. …I’m gonna talk to you for an hour, and I’m never gonna say ‘Adam.’ You can say ‘Adam’ if you’re gonna leave and I’m calling you, or you can say it if your pissed — ‘Listen, Adam, don’t f*ck with me.’ But just to say it all the time… it’s sloppy writing. I’ll tell you a fun game when you have nothing to do: watch Titanic and count how many times he says ‘Rose.’ It must be five thousand. [...] I think he even says it underwater.
And there are other things too in movies. I thought I could teach a writing class and just give like six things and make people better just for these six things. For instance, take the word ‘listen’ out. It’s a crutch. It buys you time.”
Of course, it should be noted that these are tips for writing good movies, not successful ones. As illustrated by the fact that Titanic is the second-highest grossing movie of all time (and still first in terms of attendance). In fact, if you’re an aspiring screenwriter looking to make a buck, it might be best to pack your script full of as many of these clichés as possible. It’ll make it seem more professional. “Ooh, this guy really knows what he’s doing,” producers will say.
As outlined in this informative cartoon, “The Wilhelm Scream” is a stock sound effect first used in 1951 which was later resurrected by Star Wars, and has been used in more than 80 films (semi-obnoxious grammar note: people, stop saying “over” when you mean “more than”). The original Wilhelm screamer was Sheb Wooley, who also sang “Purple People Eater” and wrote the theme for “Hee Haw.” Not enough people are named “Sheb” these days. Like pretty much all things Star Wars-related, the obscure sound effect has been run into the ground, and Joseph Demme over at Cinexcellence recently put together a 12-minute video compilation of all the places the Wilhelm Scream has appeared, which you can watch below. It’s exactly as repetitive as that sounds, but surprisingly entertaining. It starts out funny, then gets old, then eventually loops back around to being funny again when the repetitiveness itself becomes the joke, a lá Baby Booey, or Kevin Smith’s “and sh*t, and whatnot.” Anyway, cheers to you, whacky Hollywood sound designers. I now consider the last 60 years of Wilhelm Scream in-jokes retroactively hilarious.
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