Variety reports that Scorpion King director Chuck Russell is set to do a $70 million, 3D re-working of Arabian Nights, aka 1,001 Nights.  Here’s the plot of the original (which varies, but these are the basics):

A Persian king begins to marry a succession of virgins only to execute each one the next morning. Eventually the vizier, whose duty it is to provide them, cannot find any more virgins. Scheherazade, the vizier’s daughter, offers herself as the next bride and her father reluctantly agrees. On the night of their marriage, Scheherazade begins to tell the king a tale, but does not end it. The king is thus forced to postpone her execution in order to hear the conclusion. The next night, as soon as she finishes the tale, she begins a new one, and the king, eager to hear the conclusion, postpones her execution once again. So it goes on for 1,001 nights.

Now, here’s the Hollywood version:

In a new spin on the classic, the story follows a young commander who, after his king is killed in a palace coup, joins forces with Sinbad, Aladdin and his genie to rescue Scheherazade and her kingdom from dark powers.

BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT THE FACEPALM PART!

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I never watched TJ Hooker growing up, but I went to college in San Diego so I’d like to think I know a little something about prostitutes in Mexico.  Haha, good one, Jay.  Anyway, yeah, they’re making a TJ Hooker movie.

Chuck Russell (“The Scorpion King,” “The Mask”) is in talks to direct. The writing team of Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson [who, once again, is not a ship] will script the story, which focuses on the relationship between the title character and his father. [Variety]

[Premise of the original series]: After his partner was murdered, veteran plainclothes detective Thomas “T.J.” Hooker (William Shatner) reverted to his former assignment as patrol sergeant, and returned to the beat to rid the streets of the type of criminals responsible for his partner’s death. Back in uniform, Hooker was assigned to train the academy recruits, and was partnered with brash, sometimes hot-headed young rookie Vince Romano (Adrian Zmed). With Romano much his junior, Hooker acted as his mentor on both a professional and social level. The age difference generally being the key hook of the partnership, the pair quickly became fast friends and a good team.

As /Film points out, there was no father in the original series, so…

..I think I can sniff out the gimmick here. This new TJ Hooker will be, I guess, ‘the next generation’. My hunch is that Shatner will return as Thomas Jefferson Hooker, with a younger, comedic actor cast in the role of TJ Jr.

But regardless of who they cast, it will team the guy who directed The Scorpion King with the writers who wrote Wild Wild West.  How could it not be good?  Because when you’re hiring people in Hollywood, it only matters that you’ve heard of someone, not at all where you’ve heard of him.  It’s like telling your wife you picked out a babysitter.  “He’s great, it’s pretty lucky the state made him introduce himself when he moved to the neighborhood.”  So yeah, writing Wild Wild West = Babyf*cking.