The fact that Ben Affleck directed it not withstanding, Gone Baby Gone was my favorite movie of 2007.  Affleck’s follow up, The Town, stars Affleck, Chris Cooper, Jon Hamm, Blake Lively, Rebecca Hall, and Jeremy Renner of The Hurt Locker.  As if that wasn’t enough reason to be interested, it’s Anotha Bawston Cawp Drama!  Only it’s nawt based on a fackin’ Dennis Lehane story this time, but rathah a nawvel by this othah queah, Chuck Hogan.  I don’t know his mothah, but I heard he’s gawt a half sistah in Southie.

Oh right, the movie. You’s'll nevah believe this, but accohdin ta Jawn Hamm, theah’s 300 fackin bank rawberies a yeeuh in Bawston.  Wit some of ‘em, da rawbahs even weah crazy masks like theyah fackin’ Skeletoah or sumthin. Anyway, he says theah’s a one-mile squeah neighbahhood in Bawston where all the rawbahs live.  Tawmmy, Shinah, Squeezbawx, Badgah — all the usual fackin’ hahd ons live down theah — prawbably by the hahbah. Anyway, so da movie’s kinda like that pictah with Stallone, Cawpland, cuz it’s about all tha hahd ons from around the neighbah hood.  But it’s also kinda like that othah movie wit Rawbaht DeNiro — Heat — cuz Affleck an’ Jawn Hamm, theyah like brothahs on different sides of the lawr a sumthin’. But it’s also kinda like The Depahted, because theyah’s some kinda fackin love triangle between the cawps and the rawbahs.  And Ben Affleck’s fawthah’s in prison, just like my fackin’ fawthah. It’s like every fackin’ Bawston cawp movie rolled inta one! Hey! Did I just see a fackin’ Sawx game in theyah?  GO SAWX!  I hope they’s use some movie magic to make ‘em nawt play like such queahs this yeeuh.

(Rated-R for naughty language)

This is a teaser for The Strain, which is actually about vampires, not taking a dump.  Oh, and it’s a book, not a movie.  Written by Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan, The Strain: Book One of The Strain Trilogy releases June 2nd.

Del Toro says he teamed with award-winning crime writer Hogan to give The Strain the feel of a science-injected modern television show (which is ironic, because the novel began as del Toro’s outline for a vampire TV series)*. “I’m not good at forensic novels,” del Toro told Wired magazine. “I’m not good at hazmat language and that CSI-style precision. When [Bram] Stoker wrote Dracula, it was very modern, a CSI sort of novel. I wanted to give The Strain a procedural feel, where everything seems real.” [Wired via Cinematical]

With all the good books out there, I hope you wouldn’t spend your time reading Guillermo Del Toro’s dopey vampire book, but whatever.  I post this teaser for two reasons: 1. At the 10-second mark, the old man appears to pop up out of the floor – awesome.  2.  50-second mark.  The line, “What, like a pinche zombie?”  I keep playing it over and over again.  Does he actually say “pinche”?  Most people who pepper their speech with Spanish words know how to pronounce them.  This pinche libro looks puro awesome, ése.

*Not ironic