Any film where Colin Farrell karate chops a midget I’ll watch out of principle, but In Bruges was pretty good to boot. It was written and directed by Martin McDonagh, and now CBS Films is in talks to distribute his latest, Seven Psychopaths. Needless to say, it sounds awesome.

The film reunites McDonagh with his In Bruges star Colin Farrell, who plays a screenwriter who struggles to find the handle on his script, called Seven Psychopaths. He gets drawn into the dognapping escapades of his friends (played by Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken). Once the beloved Shih Tzu owned by a psychopathic gangster goes missing, the screenwriter finds himself fueled with all the drama he needs for his screenplay, if he can stay alive long enough to write it all down. The film’s produced by Graham Broadbent and Peter Czernin, with Tessa Ross set as executive producer. CBS Films executive vice president Scott Shooman will oversee it when it shoots in Los Angeles this fall. [Deadline]

Yep, Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, and last we heard, Mickey Rourke was also in it (MICKEY ROURKE F*CKING LOVES TINY DOGS!). Not only would I watch the ever-living hell out of that movie, I’d also like to commission a velvet painting in the style of “Dogs Playing Poker,” with those guys as the dogs, and a midget waiter walking around with a platter of cocaine and a revolver in his belt in case things go south. I would hang that on my wall, possibly my tombstone.

File this one under “Guys I would kill to party with.”  So Martin McDonagh, writer/director of In Bruges, possibly the most unique action-comedy of the last ten years, is preparing his next film, Seven Psychopaths.  The Christ-like Megan Ellison is financing, and so far the cast includes Colin Farrell, Christopher Walken, Mickey Rourke, and Sam Rockwell (homeless Paul Rudd!).  No midgets have yet been cast, but if craft services provides the booze and pills, I’m sure one will just eventually show up.

Story follows a screenwriter (Farrell) struggling for inspiration for his script, “Seven Psychopaths,” who gets drawn into the dog kidnapping schemes of his oddball friends (Rockwell and Walken).  This take a turn for the worse when a gangster’s (Rourke) mutt goes missing. [Variety]

Hmm, well that sounds pretty good.  And by that I mean I wrote this after a noise like a whistling tea kettle escaped my diaphragm and I passed out in anticipatory ecstasy on a pile of cats.  Speaking of which, is it weird that I imagine Sam Rockwell constantly being awoken by stray animals?  He has a real a-goat-licked-my-forehead-this-morning vibe about him.

[Christopher Walken in 1955. Source]

The one who calls himself Punchface Thunderdog (who previously made the George Washington vs. Zombies picture that you’ve probably seen on FilmDrunk a few times) made this photoshop out of the Brothers poster, and I liked it so much I put a ring on it.  Look how much concentration is going on in this picture now.  I’m wilting from the pensiveness.  Don’t try this at home.

Ray Stevenson, Val Kilmer, and Christopher Walken have all signed on for The Irishman, based on the story of Danny Greene.

Greene was a violent Irish-American gangster who competed with the Italian mob in 1970s Cleveland and ended up provoking a countrywide turf war that crippled the Mafia. Stevenson will play Greene. Walken will play the loan shark and nightclub owner Shondor Birns, and Kilmer is cast as a Cleveland police detective who befriends Greene. Jonathan Hensleigh, who co-wrote and directed “The Punisher,” will direct the action film. He and Jeremy Walters (“Dali”) wrote the screenplay, which is inspired by the book “To Kill the Irishman: The War That Crippled the Mafia” by Rick Porrello. [Reuters]

Seems like every mob movie since The Departed has been about the Irish mob, and how they tricked the Italian mob, or killed someone in the Italian mob, or got drunker than the Italian mob, or were more Bawston than the Italian mob.  And it’s all a big excuse for the 12th generation Irish douchebags in the audience to celebrate like a Boondock Saints marathon on St. Paddy’s Day.  Please.  The Irish are just jealous of our bigger penises and better jewelry.

In the past I know I’ve called Maxim nipple-free Playboy for stupid people, and I thought naming Sarah Jessica Parker ‘Unsexiest Woman Alive’ was pretty third grade (and that’s coming from me), but I’ve got to give it up to them for their article on the 15th anniversary of True Romance.

True Romance was Quentin Tarantino’s first script made into a film (and possibly his best), directed by Tony Scott, who sort of screwed up the whole thing with super tight 80s-style close-ups and the most mismatched musical score I’ve ever heard.  Anyway, the Maxim article has interviews with all the major players.  Sample:

Gary Oldman (Drexl Spivey, pimp): I hadn’t read the script, and knew nothing about it. Tony and I had tea at the Four Seasons and he said, “Look, I can’t really explain the plot. But Drexl’s a pimp who’s white but thinks he’s black.” That was all I needed to hear. I said, “I’ll do it.”

Scott: Gary called me out of the blue and said, “I’ve got it. I know exactly who this guy is: He’s my drug dealer.”

Oldman: My drug dealer? Tony would fucking get me arrested, wouldn’t he? I’ve never had a drug dealer! I organized Drexl’s dreadlocks under my own steam. Then I went to a dentist who made the teeth. Then I thought about giving him a weird eye. I’m only in the film for about 10 minutes—I wanted to make my mark. I heard this gang of black kids outside my trailer and thought, That’s Drexl. I showed this kid my lines and said, “Does this seem authentic?” He changed some words. He said, “That don’t fly. Drexl wouldn’t say ‘titties’; he’d say ‘breasteses.’ ”

Tarantino: Those kids were clowning him, and he believed them because he didn’t know any better. Because he’s British.

Anyway, great article, I highly recommend checking it out.  But then, what do I know, I’m just a handsome racecar driver with nothing to lose.