Gary Oldman, Christian Slater, and Dane Cook are set to topline “a stylized crime thriller” from writer-director Michael Winnick that was apparently cast by the Family Guy manatees.  Hey, say what you will about Dane Cook’s comedy, the guy sure is a f*cking douche.

“Guns, Girls & Gambling,” throws Elvis impersonators, Indians, modern cowboys, a 6-foot-tall blond assassin, a frat boy, a corrupt sheriff and a prostitute into a chase for a priceless American Indian artifact stolen during a poker game at an Indian casino.
Slater plays a normal guy who in a drunken stupor joins an Elvis impersonation contest. Oldman is the contest’s mega-contender, and Cook will play the sheriff. [HeatVision]

A six-foot tall blond guy, you say?  Why, that’s almost TOO wacky!  Hey, how about this, maybe in addition to being six feet tall and blond, he’s always wearin’ t-shirts. Anyway, sounds like Go meets The Hangover meets a forehead the size of Mount Rushmore (Christian Slater’s).  I also like how they didn’t even bother giving it a title, they just named it after the pitch.  “Pulp Fiction?  Nah, I prefer ‘Hitmen, Drugs & Boxing.’  And no, I’m not punctuating it correctly, because f*ck that.”

In the past I know I’ve called Maxim nipple-free Playboy for stupid people, and I thought naming Sarah Jessica Parker ‘Unsexiest Woman Alive’ was pretty third grade (and that’s coming from me), but I’ve got to give it up to them for their article on the 15th anniversary of True Romance.

True Romance was Quentin Tarantino’s first script made into a film (and possibly his best), directed by Tony Scott, who sort of screwed up the whole thing with super tight 80s-style close-ups and the most mismatched musical score I’ve ever heard.  Anyway, the Maxim article has interviews with all the major players.  Sample:

Gary Oldman (Drexl Spivey, pimp): I hadn’t read the script, and knew nothing about it. Tony and I had tea at the Four Seasons and he said, “Look, I can’t really explain the plot. But Drexl’s a pimp who’s white but thinks he’s black.” That was all I needed to hear. I said, “I’ll do it.”

Scott: Gary called me out of the blue and said, “I’ve got it. I know exactly who this guy is: He’s my drug dealer.”

Oldman: My drug dealer? Tony would fucking get me arrested, wouldn’t he? I’ve never had a drug dealer! I organized Drexl’s dreadlocks under my own steam. Then I went to a dentist who made the teeth. Then I thought about giving him a weird eye. I’m only in the film for about 10 minutes—I wanted to make my mark. I heard this gang of black kids outside my trailer and thought, That’s Drexl. I showed this kid my lines and said, “Does this seem authentic?” He changed some words. He said, “That don’t fly. Drexl wouldn’t say ‘titties’; he’d say ‘breasteses.’ ”

Tarantino: Those kids were clowning him, and he believed them because he didn’t know any better. Because he’s British.

Anyway, great article, I highly recommend checking it out.  But then, what do I know, I’m just a handsome racecar driver with nothing to lose.

The Friday Afternoon Free For All is the time of the week when I post random movie clips with no relation to anything for no reason at all.  Looking for the latest movie news?  Scroll down.  Big Brett Ratner fan?  Kill yourself.

Christian Slater doing The Ten Commandments got me to thinking about Heathers.  So I YouTube’d it and it’s hilariously dated.  "How very." 

I don’t know how people could say he was just doing a Jack Nicholson impression that whole movie. Way off base.

"I love my dead gay son", after the jump. 

The actual line doesn’t come until 2:30 into the clip, which is why I posted the other one.

Watch the Ten Commandments trailer here

This is the trailer for the new animated feature The Ten Commandments starring the voices of Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, and Christian Slater.  Christian Slater in a Bible movie; there’s an "I love my gay son!" joke here somehwere, but I’m going to take the high road, just this once. 

It looks like they spent about 12 minutes on the computer animation for this one.  It’s like they just assume the audience will be good at suspending disbelief or something. 

IESB today has a couple new featurettes (here and here) and a few images from the upcoming Ten Commandments movie, featuring the voices of Ben Kingsley, Christian Slater, Alfred Molina, and Elliot Gould. 

The Ten Commandments, of course, tells the story of that one time when Moses bravely called the Hebrewites a bunch of damned dirty apes and led them out of Egypt and told the pharoahs they’d have to pry the shotgun out of his cold dead hands but got all confused when Michael Moore asked him about it later.  And I think there was some stuff about witnessing false bears and not being gay in there too. 

I dunno, I haven’t read the bible in a while.  Long story short, Moses was the hero and everybody got all stoked and drank wine.