There’s a new batch of Dark Knight Rises images online today, courtesy of TotalFilm. I think it was commenter Gripster who first pointed it out, but now it’s pretty much unavoidable noticing how much Bane’s mask looks like sideways goatse. Here’s the most SFW way I could illustrate it:
No wonder his voice was so muffled. Check out a couple more pictures on the following pages.
(UPDATE: Sorry, no more pictures, we’ve been lawyer-f*cked. But you can still click-through and imagine what was there).
Following their semi-disastrous Hobbit presentation yesterday, Warner Bros released these new promo stills (via the SuperHeroHype forums) from The Dark Knight Rises, which opens July 20th (and which I have in our Fantasy Summer Box Office Game – HA!). In case Bane didn’t already look enough like a mumbly date rapist, now you can see that his pits are shaved. Also, I realize they probably wanted to fill the frame, but no one fights like that, at least no one outside of a stage production of Peter Pan. It looks like they’re playing crotch tag.
(couple more pictures on the following pages)
"SUCK THIS CODPIECE!"
DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT! (*wheeze, inhaler*)… If you’ve suffered through badly-bootlegged prologues and photocopied script pages in order to get the faintest, frothy whiff of Dark Knight Rises musk, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Well, one of them, anyway. The Dark Knight Rises finally has an official trailer, with everyone you’ve been hoping to see — Bane, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and of course Hines Ward. Is it just me or does Michael Caine sound more Statham henchman-y than usual? “Oy made a focken promise to your muvver an favah, an now deez conts ‘as ruined it, now ‘asn’t dey.”
You guys? I feel like we’re friends, so I’m not going to BS you. These are the same pictures from the other day, just better quality. Phew, it felt good to get that off my chest. In other Dark Knight Rises news, it still doesn’t come out until July 2012, but you’ll be able to see a six-minute preview of it in front of Mission Impossible: Ghost Panties in “select IMAX screenings,” come December 21st. No one’s quite sure exactly what defines a “select IMAX screening” (70mm, possibly?), but I’ll keep you updated. We’re cool like that.
Meanwhile, Christian Bale recently gave an interview to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, in which he was all “blah blah my character, directors were great to work with, blah blah blah Anne Hathaway is a rare talent.” You know, how actors do.
I could excerpt it, I suppose, but I find it’s more fun just to pointlessly speculate what’s going on in this scene. I bet Bane was all “Come at me, bro. I don’t think you’re gonna do sh*t, bitch.” And then Batman was all “Whatever, bitch. I’m right here, bitch. Why don’t you make a move, bitch. I’ll break your other wrist, bitch.” And then Bane was like, “Quit acting like a little bitch, bitch.” And then Batman was all “I ain’t a bitch, bitch, I think you’re the bitch. Look at you, standing there, in your vest, looking like a bitch.” And then after that, their friends had to hold them back and one of them tore his wifebeater strap and told everyone it was ’cause the other dude was such a bitch. But I stress, these are only guesses.
"Sometimes, when I get nervous, I put my fingers into my armpits like this, and then I smell 'em like this...."
I thought I was done with the Dark Knight Rises stuff this morning, and that was fine by me, because discussing the miniscule tidbits of a movie that doesn’t come out until next July kind of bores me to tears, but apparently there’s more. ComingSoon has the extra-special “subscribers-only” pictures, and some steamy hot plot-nuggets to pinch into your eager mouths (yes, grandma, that was scat porn imagery). I wouldn’t consider this a “spoiler” so much as boring hype, but I’ll put it after the jump just in case.
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