(“Take me, you greasy ethnic beast! Of course, if anyone finds out I’ll have to say it was rape.”)
Did anyone here think Twilight Saga: New Moon was going to be good? Of course not. The best thing you could say was that there’s less Cam Gigandet in this one. But realistic expectations aren’t the point, the point is to bathe in the delicious, delicious hate. Ahh, it feels so good in my gills.
“The Twilight Saga: New Moon” takes the tepid achievement of “Twilight” (1988), guts it, and leaves it for undead [That's wordplay, motherf-cker! Ebert represent! -Ed.]. You know you’re in trouble with a sequel when the word of mouth advises you to see the first movie twice instead. Obviously the characters all have. Long opening stretches of this film make utterly no sense unless you walk in knowing the first film, and hopefully both Stephanie Meyer novels, by heart. Edward and Bella spend murky moments glowering at each other and thinking, So, here we are again.
Bella: So…you’re a werewolf?
Jake: Last time I checked.
Bella: “Can’t you find a way to…just stop?
Jake (patiently): “It’s not a lifestyle choice, Bella.” -Roger Ebert