Chris Pine was charismatic and likable in Star Trek, and thanks to some mild acne scars, just not-pretty enough for me to not hate him.  Most recently, Variety reports that Pine is in talks to take over as Tom Clancy hero Jack Ryan in a Paramount reboot of the franchise.  I just hope he can do as good a job as Rod Hardfellow did in Queer and Pleasant Danger.  Pine will have some big shoes to fill, and gaping buttholes.

Alec Baldwin originated the character in 1990′s “The Hunt for Red October,” Harrison Ford played him in 1992′s “Patriot Games” and 1994′s “Clear and Present Danger,” and Ben Affleck played Ryan in 2002′s “The Sum of All Fears.”  The studio and producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Mace Neufeld are working with a script draft by Hossein Amini, based on an original concept.

This is really exciting news because Chris Pine might maybe play a character in a movie as yet to be determined.  And it’s from the producer of G.I. Joe and the upcoming Asteroids movie, so you know it’s going to be good.  As long as they find a director and a budget and a script and a place to shoot it and some other actors.  Really, I don’t see what could go wrong.

(that train engine is actually 60 feet long)

Variety reports that Rosario Dawson has just joined the cast of Tony Scott’s upcoming Unstoppable alongside Denzel Washington and Chris Pine. Scheduled to begin shooting this fall, Unstoppable comes from writer Mark Bomback who recently penned the screenplay for 2007′s Race To Witch Mountain (oh great, so we’re in good hands then).

Unstoppable, a 20th Century Fox drama about a runaway train carrying a cargo of toxic chemicals. Pits an engineer and his conductor in a race against time. They’re chasing the runaway train in a separate locomotive and need to bring it under control before it derails on a curve and causes a toxic spill that will decimate a town. [IMDB]

The script is loosely based on actual events, which probably means that Mark Bomback once owned a train set…then again, maybe it’s actually based on the time that Denzel Washington and Chris Pine stopped an unmanned train. I don’t know, how should I know? I’m not the one who told you to cheat off me during this test. Well, regardless of whatever the hell it actually means to say that something is “inspired by true events”, I do believe that Mitch Hedberg said it best:
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Carriers stars Chris Pine in a role he probably took waaay before Star Trek came out.  But I guess it doesn’t look that crappy.  And I guess it’s not that much like The Road, because in this one, they’re fleeing a deadly virus.  Then again, it co-stars Piper Perabo, and she’s like the female Cam Gigandet.  Alternate title?  28 Days Later, Star Trek Came Out and I Would’ve Wiped My Ass with This Script.  I think the story is a parable about using condoms.  No thanks, Hitler.

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This week’s Saturday Night Live featured a surprise appearance on Weekend Update by Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Leonard Nimoy – who looks pretty damn good for 78.  The segment wasn’t really funny, but it did include Leonard Nimoy saying “dickhead,” which was nice.  Though I think he may have been referring to Quinto, who apparently tried to fashion his hair into a penis.  He does that with everything.

In this new clip from JJ Abrams’ Star Trek (OMG OMG only one more week before it’s out!), young Captain Kirk Chris Pine runs from a big monster who creature designer Steve Daly describes as “looking, literally like an ass.” (Io9 has some pictures of the concept art).  It looks basically like a cross between an anus and predator’s mouth.  We don’t get to see how Kirk gets away, but ten bucks says he throws something down its throat and it chokes.  I’ve always found the only way to please a monster butthole is to jam something big and hard in it. But then, that’s my solution to everything. (*hip thrusts*)