Despite being a potentially self-loathing homophobic girlfriend-beating rage-a-holic, Chris Brown is adored by millions of teenage girls and therefore will always have work in the music and movie industries. His latest acting project is Planet B Boy, which to the ignorant ear sounds like it’s about to give “Homeboys in Outer Space” a run for its money.

Of course it’s actually about competitive street dancing, because we need more of that.

Based on a documentary of the same, the film follows a crew of American street dancers as they train to compete in France’s Battle of the Year International Championships. Benson Lee, who directed the Planet B-Boy documentary, will also helm its fictional adaptation. The film also stars Laz Alonso, Josh Peck, and Caity Lotz.

(Via Entertainment Weekly)

Fun fact: I don’t know who any of those people are. For all I know, they were created by a Hollywood name generator and the identities were given to three kids straight out of a Barbizon school. But the film will co-star Josh Holloway of “Lost” fame, which led me to wonder, “Why no C-Tates?”

So I reached out to FilmDrunk’s favorite and the world’s original B Boy, Channing Tatum, to ask why he’s not in this movie and his thoughts on men who beat women.

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Singer Chris Brown has been cast as one of the four male leads in Think Like a Man, a new film based on comedian and multi-button suit enthusiast Steve Harvey’s best-selling book, “Act Like a lady, Think Like a Man”. Brown will be joined by comedian Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy, and the guy who plays Turtle on Entourage as four guys who have to deal with their girlfriends/wives actually using Harvey’s book to dictate their relationships.

It’s kind of like Inception meets Rihanna’s face.

According to the book’s Amazon page…

Harvey makes a game effort, taking a bold but familiar men-are-dogs approach: if you’re “cutting back” on sex, “he will have another woman lined up and waiting to give him what he needs and wants–the cookie.” Several chapters later, however, he introduces the “ninety-day rule,” asserting that, actually, he won’t always have another woman lined up–and the only way to makes sure is a three-month vetting period.

So the basic idea here is that the four women (played by Gabrielle Union, LaLa Vasquez-Anthony, Regina Hall and someone else who is inexplicably hot enough to pair with the fat guy who loves shoes) start taking advice from a book that demands that they either have sex with their men when expected or they will be replaced. If there’s a chapter on sandwich preparation and threeways then I am sold.

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At ease, sailors. I’ve got just the thing to brighten up a dreary, borderline suicidal Monday. That’s right, it’s the new international trailer for Takers.  Ever wondered what would happen if you remade Ocean’s 11 in the style of The Fast and the Furious and replaced George Clooney with Paul Walker?  You probably haven’t, but still. Takers may star Chris Brown, Hayden Christensen, and that other black guy.  I’m so excited about this that I’m putting a cup of coffee in the microwave and setting the timer to the time between now and when tickets for this go on sale, that way when it’s finally time, the coffee will be really hot, and I can pour it on my crotch so I know I’m not dreaming. I can’t wait.

True story: Paul Walker has a dwarf inside him controlling his movements with pulleys and levers. They say his reaction speed is really improving.

(“Aw yeah, how you like my Photoshop, playa?”)

FilmDrunk’s official movie society reviewer Sexman is back with an important message for Rihanna, who he says is stupid for taking Chris Brown back.  Moreover, he has some general thoughts on domestic violence:

“It’s just an endless cycle.  It’s a horrible circle that just keeps going round and round, until someone decides to just make a hole between the circle so it can’t go around anymore.  …Not between the circle, but… cut one side or something.  You know, it’s a hard analogy to talk about.  Whatever.”

Girls are crazy, domestic violence is a cycle, analogies are hard – slow down, Sexman!  So young, and already, so few of life’s great truths left to discover.
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Though his recent review of Taken is perhaps more film-related, as far as I’m concerned, any time Sexman weighs in on anything, it automatically makes it relevant.  And in that vein, he recently had some important insight to share on the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna fiasco. He concludes:

“So, Chris Brown, don’t beat up your wife.  Even though she could be annoying.  I don’t know, maybe she is.  Anyway, I’ve always thought your songs were incredibly gay.”

I’d now like to take this time to nominate Sexman for domestic violence czar.  They have one of those, right?  Sure, why not.  As a bonus, I’m also including below Sexman’s second review of a fight at school, which he describes as “Epic. Way better than the bitch fight,”  and during which says he was able to document a knockout/gushing blood on his cell phone camera.  Oh, Sexman, will you be my Valentine?
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