Confucius was a legendary Chinese thinker who lived from 551-479 BC whose humanist philosophies continue to influence Asian society today so naturally the trailer for the movie about his life begins with flaming arrows and swordfights. Yaaah, do unto others as they would do unto you and tits and fire and heavy metal!!! And as the film draws nearer to release (opens January 28th in China, no U.S. release set), you can expect more racist pidgin speak from me, as I’m sure Confucius would’ve wanted it this way. Framing allows? Prease harp us! It stars Chow Yun-Fat and was directed by I-kid-you-not “Hu Mei,” as if that’s not just a bad Laurel and Hardy bit waiting to happen. In fact, I’m just gonna hit myself in the nuts with a pie and call it a day before this gets embarrassing.