Pictured: A family and their home-made Twilight Halloween costumes. Not pictured: A father figure.

Okay, guys, don’t freak out, but I have some business to attend to tomorrow, so I must leave you in the small-and-feminine, yet-surprisingly-capable hands of my hetero life partners Burnsy and Chodin.  They’ll be watching you for the morning, and I told them your routine, so don’t try any of that Vince-always-feeds-us-candy-canes-and-espresso-for-breakfast business with them.  You’ll eat your toothpaste sandwiches or you’ll starve, just like always.  But don’t freak out, I promise I’ll be back late afternoon.  Think of this as just like the time your dad went out for a pack of cigarettes.  Wait, bad example.

[banner pic via Lamebook.  In other sad Twilight picture news, Jirish sent me this:]

I sincerely hope that's Stephenie Meyer.

This is how they 69'd in Victorian times

SITE NEWS BRIEF: Well, kids, daddy’s home. I can tell you all missed me by the way you kept telling Burnsy I’m not your real father and clung to Chodin’s leg as he walked out the door. Hey, I don’t blame you, they did a great job. It’s always a bad sign when you step out for a breather and your sub throws a 90-yard touchdown pass and bangs your girlfriend while you sit on the bench nursing a hangnail like a bitch.  Well anyway, now I’m back and you’re going to have to live with me, for better or worse, even if the sex is terrible, even though you don’t really like me.  Just like marriage.

COMMENTS OF THE WEEK PRIZE: Is An Education, starring Carey Mulligan and Peter Saaärsgåáørd, now available on DVD (trailer here).  That’s right, they gave me a Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Adapted Screenplay-nominated film so that I might reward your best poop and wiener jokes.  I know, I was as surprised as you are, I nearly dropped my cat.  But let’s not punch a gift whore in the mouth here.  Buy the movie.  Rent the movie.  Foist it upon complete strangers.  And say it was all because of FilmDrunk, your new family.

THE WINNER: Is Michelle07.  I gave her a slight edge for these:

[From the New Miley Cyrus Movie Re-Enacted Through Exposition in Scathing Reviews]  Michelle 07 says: It’s a good thing we aren’t in the same room or my Miley Cyrus imitation would drive you all wild.

*sucks saliva over teeth, mouth agape, starts singing about turtle coons*

[From Controversy Surrounds Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives Premiere] Michelle 07 says: You’ll notice there are no axe wounds.

HONOR ROLL STUDENTS:

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Oh thank God, just when I’d seen enough footage of all the ridiculously attractive people in Brazil, Arthouse Films crashes through the window and levels the playing field. Apparently, perfect glutes aren’t the only kind of junk hanging around Rio de Janeiro these days, as featured in director Lucy Walker’s new documentary, Waste Land, the location is also host to the largest landfill in the world. THE WORLD!

*takes pull off inhaler, pets cat, calms down*

Arthouse Films has acquired US rights to Lucy Walker’s documentary “Waste Land” and plans to release it theatrically later this year.

Pic follows Brazilian artist Vik Muniz through the world’s largest landfill in the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro — a place called Jardim Gramacho. Muniz took photographs of the people who inhabited the trash city and the art objects they created out of trash, then sold the photos at auction to help raise money for the people. [Variety]

Oh, well sh-t, that’s kind of depressing…um, quick somebody make a dong joke! Below, here’s the official trailer for Waste Land, which has already made a few rounds and received positive reviews within the festival circuit. With no official release date for U.S. screens yet, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for a GIANT pile of garbage.
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Friday Free for All is the time of the week that Vince reserves for the funny, amazing, or stupid videos people send him that aren’t necessarily movie related. Sometimes he posts them without this disclaimer and people say “Dood, how is this movie related?!” He hates that.

Today we bring you a compilation of epic news broadcast fails, because there’s personally nothing I enjoy more than watching the desperate scramble to reclaim professionalism after Fox News has just announced that the Bronx doesn’t want to give Jennifer Lopez fellatio. Awww, hang in there Jennifer, I promise you that we’ll find someone else who can do a timeless Ben Affleck impression.

Slightly NSFW due to language, but come on, everybody’s doing it! Here, try it, TRY IT! F–KING BE COOL, MAN!

-Chodin

(Just imagine, you could wear your very own purple shirt to the screening.)

Yesterday, prior to his homoerotic departure into the woods, Vince had promised you all a second chance to win encore screening tickets to Birdemic: Shock and Terror. Well here’s that chance again folks, so right now would be the appropriate time to go interrupt your parent’s sex and ask whether or not it’s cool if you use the house phone to dial a 1-800 contest.

The Birdemic crew was kind enough to send over some t-shirts and a pair of tickets for all you fire sh–ting bird connoisseurs out there. Screening tonight and tomorrow at the IFC theater in NYC, this sh-t is going to the first unlucky lucky commentor to email me. Please be sure and only enter me if you are sure that you can attend the screening. And really, what the hell else could you possibly be doing that could trump screaming at a movie screen for an hour and a half? Pshhh, math homework?

-Chodin

UPDATE: CONTEST CLOSED. Congrats to our most recent winner. For all you losers out there, cheer up. Things could be worse, I mean, you could have…um…won?