Quentin Tarantino recently sat down with THR to name his top eight movies of 2009.  Why only eight?  Probably because he loves eight balls!  *rails line off hooker*  YAHTZEE!  *puts foot through glass coffee table*

8. AN EDUCATION
7. PRECIOUS
6. OBSERVE AND REPORT
5. CHOCOLATE [The autistic Muay Thai movie -- jeez I still need to see that]
4. UP IN THE AIR
3. FUNNY PEOPLE
2. DRAG ME TO HELL
1. STAR TREK

Fine, Jesus Christ, I’ll see Precious already.  Actually, when they just show that split-second clip of two morbidly obese black chicks trying to hit each other with frying pans (00:47) it actually looks kind of funny.  I especially love the fatter one mugging for the camera afterwards.

Aw, sad fatty  ;-(   ))   Her and emo pug should hang out, maybe cheer each other up.

So according to this new Scientology commercial, Scientology is… shiny cars, kids on trampolines, true love, music, touchdowns, and chocolate. (couple more commercials after the jump) [via THRfeed]

• Screenjunkies scores an interview with the actor who plays Transformers ROTF’s “Joint Operative #1″.  How do they do it! |ScreenJunkies|
• 10 must-see Michael Jackson impersonators. Michael Jackson grabbed his crotch so often, it’s almost as if we lost a fellow Italian. |HailMaryJane|
• “If internet commenters had a magazine.” |HolyTaco|
• Michael Jackson in his prime, “Thriller” live from 1987. As you can see, video editing was also in its prime. |Buzzcuts|
• Andy Dick interviews Adam Carolla. |Atom|
• Before they were stars: Music stars’ high school yearbook photos. |YepYep|
• A College Humor Tribute to Michael Jackson.. |CollegeHumor|
• Smoking Section has a picture of Perez almost at the moment he was punched. Someone should make a .gif of that. And for the record, “punching people never solves anything” is only something people who aren’t good at punching say. |SmokingSection|
• Chad OchoCinco: “Losing Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson is as bad as 9/11.” |KissingSuzyKolber|
• Megan Fox offers $5,000 for information on the dork trying to hand her a flower so she can apologize. |DailyFill|
• Fight Night Round 4 preview. |G4|
• The cool thing about acid is that it makes everything fun, even sitting in your tent saying “Boom boom boom boom.”  |BoH|

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It’s not that she doesn’t like them, she just disdains their child-like misinterpretation of the work of Kant.

Opening this weekend:
Push
Hmmm, a hip fraternity of attractive young mutants on the run from the government?  Where have I seen this before?  Oh right, everywhere.  The bad news is that this will bomb.  The good news is that Chris Evans may finally fire his agent.

Coraline
Hooray, something that might be worth seeing!  Though beware, it’s 3-D and involves people sewing buttons on their eyes.  Stone responsibly.

He’s Just Not That Into You
Planning on seeing this this weekend?  Congratulations, you’re a yuppie.

Pink Panther 2
Look, I love Steve Martin but I didn’t see a single f-cking panther in that entire trailer.  No panthers = not interested. As always.

Chocolate
“A special needs girl with a need to kick some ass.”  Nuff said.

Fanboys
Finally! I’ve been waiting two years to not see this!  Oh and hey, there’s a Harry Knowles character in there.  You know, I’ve always said that what that guy needs is a greater sense of his own importance.

Chocolate comes from Ong Bak director Prachya Pinkaew, and as we’ve already established “A SPECIAL NEEDS GIRL… WITH A NEED… TO KICK SOME ASS,” is one of the greatest taglines ever written.  The latest news is that it’s getting a limited theatrical run beginning this Friday.  Here’s where you’ll need to move to see it:

Boulder, CO: International Film Series
Denver, CO: Esquire Theatre
New York, NY: Sunshine Cinema
Austin, TX: Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar
Dallas, TX: Inwood Theatre
Seattle, WA: Egyptian Theatre

…unless you just want to wait four more days until it comes out on DVD (February 10th). Me, I hate waiting. That’s why I throw things around the room and scream and bite myself or recite pi to the 1000th digit until I get my way.

[via CHUD]

Chocolate comes from Ong Bak director Prachya Pinkaew, and though it doesn’t have Tony Jaa, it does have two of the best title card sequences I’ve ever seen:

From the bloodline of the yakuza… and the womb of a dangerous beauty

Which reminds me of a joke:  What’s the difference between a Cadillac El Dorado and the womb of a dangerous beauty?  …Nevermind.  Anyway, I thought they’d never top that one, but then they busted out:

A special-needs girl… with a need… to kick some ass!

Best. Tagline. Ever.  It doesn’t appear to have a date set for a theatrical release in the U.S., but it looks like you can already buy the DVD. It’s called Chocolate, or alternately Fury.  Coincidentally, Chocolate Fury was my nickname in high school.

[via IGN]