"Hey, kid! Stop all the downloadin'!"

Martin Scorsese’s 3D family movie, Hugo, opens November 23rd, a month before Steven Spielberg’s similarly Oscar-baity offerings, War Horse and Tin Tin. Starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Jude Law, Ben Special K Kingsley, Chloe Moretz, and newcomer Asa Butterfield, Hugo is based on the book The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The plot concerns an orphan who lives in the walls of a 30s French train station, who meets a nice girl who might hold the key to his dead father’s robot. Together, they can solve life’s mysteries and find true happiness if they can keep from getting mustachio’d by an evil security guard [citation needed]. I don’t know if it’s just my inappropriate crush on Chloe Moretz or my infamous dago bias, but if you ask me, this whimsical period piece about orphaned robot enthusiasts looks way better than Spielberg’s cheesy, maudlin horse porn.

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It’s weird to be sitting here watching the trailer for Hugo, Martin Scorsese’s first attempt at a “kids” movie (based on The Invention of Hugo Cabret), starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Chloe Moretz, and Ben Kingsley, when less than 24 hours ago I saw Joe Pesci squeeze a guy’s head in a vice until his eyeball popped in Casino (which is on Netflix Instant right now). But as Adam Carolla so often points out, people who make stuff for kids are usually hacks who weren’t good enough to make stuff for adults (Pixar exempted, obviously), so maybe a guy famous for making adult movies is the perfect choice for a kids flick. Wait, don’t misinterpret me when I say “adult movies…”

Anyway, it opens November 23rd, and am I wrong for thinking this looks… really good? The music choice is a little weird, but it has an amazing cast, and talk about eye candy. It’s surprisingly refreshing to see someone do “childlike wonder” without all the super-fast cuts, talking animals, or people dancing to hip hop. And as good as it is at trimming the fat, it still doesn’t skimp on the reaction shots of dogs groaning (1:50). OH F*CK YEAH ANIMALS BEING AMUSED BY HUMAN FOIBLES! I hope there’s more where that came from. Who wants to really high with me this November?

This is the second trailer for Let Me In (much longer than the first), Matt Reeves’ American remake of Tomas Alfredson’s Swedish vampire hit, Let the Right One In.  The no-foreigners version stars Chloe Moretz of Kick-Ass, Richard Jenkins, and Kodi Smit-Mcpussyname.  I know, I know, remaking a recent, successful foreign movie using an American cast and the director of Cloverfield sounds like a terrible idea.  But as my buddy Pete says, subtitles are hella gay.  And is it just me, or does this actually look not that bad? It has pretty visuals, and they even managed to make Richard Jenkins look like a scary child molester:

It’s impressive, because despite the pock marks, Richard Jenkins is usually the type of guy who could give your kid a candy and you let them eat it without even checking for hypos first.  He’s like that old lady who you’re mean to because she’s weird looking, but you later find out she was actually Jesus, and now you’re cursed. That was my favorite bible story.

Also, is it just me, or does that second poster look a little… menstrual?

[posters via CinemaBlend, trailer via Vulture]

Four-eyed poindexters are always trying to tell you how good some foreigner movie is, to which I always say, “Oh yeah?  Well riddle me this, nerd, if it’s so good, why come they didn’t make it AMERICAN, huh?” then I point to a spot on their shirt and when they look down, I kick ‘em right square in the d*ck. Haha, made you look, pussy.  Tomas Alfredson’s vampire flick Let the Right One In was just such a movie.  Supposedly it was good, but it was also fulla Swedes.  Luckily, Cloverfield director Matt Reeves made a new version (Let Me In), and this one you won’t have to sit there reading like a queer.

This one’s supposed to be faithful to the original, but have more blood and more violence and more BODIES HITTING FLOOR.  Chloe Moretz, that hot slit from Kick-Ass (just my type), plays the vampire chick, and Kodi Smit-McPhee from The Road plays her friend.  You ask me, “Cody” is a good, solid AMURRICAN name.  Seems a shame to queer it up with an I and a hyphen like that.  Guess it ain’t his fault his parents’re queer. But still, I think I’m gonna have to call him “McPussy.”  (*spits Skoal into Gatorade bottle, continues whittling Truck Nutz*)

Let me een leetel girl. You can zee, I am not zee vam-pair.

[via Deadline]

(“WHERE CAN I BUY ZEESS MAGAZINE?”)

Because it’s such a hip and relevant periodical, Interview magazine recently did a fashion spread featuring 13-year-old Chloe Moretz (Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass), 10-year-old Kiernan Shipka (Sally Draper in Mad Men), and 15-year-old Nicola Peltz (Avatar, The Last Airbender).  Very young girls made up like sexy, provocative fashion models, pretty clever, right?  I’m very uncomfortable right now, I think it must be because this shoot is so cutting edge.  Let’s ask the youngest one what she thinks about it:

“Well, I love Chanel– I think they have some amazing pieces.  I love Burberry.  But my favorite is probably Papo d’Anjo.  They have amazing dresses for kids my age.”

Ha, Papo d’Anjo, I thought the same thing when I was 10.  But tell us, what are your thoughts on sippy cups?  Right now I’m really into the Pokémon print. Orange dinosaurs are so passé, wouldn’t you agree?

Anyway, I think it’s a really neat photoshoot.  Although next time they do one, they should talk to me about it, because I have a few ideas.  I was thinking one of them could have pigtails and be sucking on a big lollipop.  Or how about if we drape a python over her shoulders and shoot her bent over the hood of a really fast car?  I think that would be very avant-garde.  What’s that?  Oh don’t worry about her.  She’s only crying because of how much she wants to be a star.  Such a little professional.

[via OhNoTheyDidnt]