Zhang Yimou directed Hero and House of Flying Daggers, and his latest project is a remake of the Coen Brothers’ Blood Simple called A Woman, A Gun, and A Noodle Shop.  The setting is a Chinese noodle shop in the desert, rather than a bar in Texas like the original, hence the title.  It opens September 3rd, and supposedly the Coens loved it.  The trailer doesn’t tell us a whole lot about it, but it sure looks pretty.  It also stars this guy, who I assume is the Chinese Steve Buscemi:

Hey, get that shirtless dude away from my noodle dough.

[via Cinematical]

So I got ahold of the script for the upcoming Red Dawn remake from MGM, and thought I’d try to give you a scoop on as much as I can without spoiling the whole movie.  Generally speaking, the story isn’t bad, but the dialog is a cliché-ridden mess, and a lot of the action sequences are only half written or fuzzy from a physics standpoint.  It’s hard to imagine how they’d shoot a lot of them unless they use that “cause-blur-effect” style shaky-cam editing, but considering the director did stunts on Bourne and was the second-unit director on Quantum of Solace, that’s probably exactly what they’ll do.  Other stuff:

Xenophobia!
In the original it was the Soviets invading Colorado, this time it’s the Chinese invading Spokane.  Because of tensions with Taiwan, and anger about a worldwide financial crisis caused by the U.S., and uh, because Russia doesn’t like Georgia getting accepted into NATO.  Or something.  The main thing is that Chinese people are the bad guys and a lot of them die.

Parkour!

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Den of Geek has put together an amazing list of movie titles that were re-titled for distribution in foreign markets.  I’m a little pissed they didn’t include The Pacifier, which was re-titled Gnome in the Phillipines.  Still waiting for an explanation on that one.  In any case, here is the Chinese portion of their list:

The Full Monty: Six Naked Pigs

The Blair Witch Project: Night In The Cramped Forest

As Good As It Gets: Mr Cat Poop

Boogie Nights: His Great Device Makes Him Famous (Genius. Just genius)

Leon: This Hit Man Is Not as Cold as He Thought

Fargo: Mysterious Murder in Snowy Cream

Austin Powers: Trump Card Big Liar

Deep Impact: Earth And Comet Collide

Knocked Up: One Night, Big Belly

Nixon: The Big Liar

Risky Business: Just Send Him To University Unqualified

Free Willy: A Very Powerful Whale Runs To Heaven

There are plenty more from other countries over at Den of Geek, but for whatever reason, the Chinese titles are by far the best.  My hypothesis is that it’s because the Chinese are batshit crazy.  Also: Mr. Cat Poop was my nickname in high school.   [Thanks to Israeli FilmDrunkard Ohad for the tip]

John Woo’s two-part Asian epic Red Cliff is making huge money in Asia, and part two is set to open January 15th in China.

The first part of “Red Cliff” was released in July, grossing $62.7 million in the same six key Asian territories. Part one was released in Japan this month and has taken $26 million to date from 2 million admissions. Japanese release of second part is set for mid-April. [Variety]

Courtesy of Twitch, here’s the trailer for part two.  The subtitles aren’t in English, but you don’t really need subtitles to watch Asians fight each other.  The project doesn’t have an American release date yet, but as Twitch points out, “ the Hong Kong DVD and BluRay releases are both fully English friendly and region free.”  I believe you can search for it under the original Chinese title, Red Criff.

*cuts off pinkie in penance*