"Reedo boy go away! Stay out my store!"

The Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan Karate Kid remake was partially financed by the Chinese government (see: China Film Group Corps) and went on to gross $360 million worldwide, so why wouldn’t they want to make another one? The entire enterprise was the shameless sequel’s greatest success story. It was set in China and starred famous Kung Fu practitioner Jackie Chan, and they STILL called it KARATE Kid. Now Sony has wrangled poor Zak Penn (X-Men 2, Incredible Hulk), who’s probably a talented screenwriter, to do more of their dirty work. The Republicans bitch about China owning our economy every six minutes, and not one peep about this? Come on, guys, there’s low-hanging fruit here. Snatch the low-hanging fruit from this 12-year-old African-American boy– okay I probably could’ve worded this better.

Columbia Pictures has tapped “The Incredible Hulk” scribe Zak Penn to rewrite its untitled sequel to 2010′s surprise hit “The Karate Kid.”
Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris were hired to write a sequel just weeks after director Harald Zwart’s “Karate Kid” reboot took in $55.6 million domestically over its opening weekend. China-set pic went on to gross $359 million worldwide.
While plot details remain under wraps, original stars Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan are expected to reprise their roles, though no deals are currently in place. [Variety]

Phew, thank goodness, I don’t know what I’d do if Jaden Smith didn’t return. I just love it when famous people use their children as an extension of their personal fashion sense. Yo go, Will! You’ve imbued your progeny with such “swag!” Would that ALL of our children could one day wear sneakers with their own pictures on the side. Bullying would end, self-esteem would reign, and we’d all follow our dreams and groove in one groovy drum circle. I hope this trend continues, and three or four years from now we get to see Sly Stallone’s granddaughter, Dakota Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke’s dog in The Expendablets.

(…I don’t even know, dude.)

Despite being China’s highest-grossing movie ever, Avatar has been pulled from 2D screens in China by the state-run movie distributor, the China Film Group (incidentally, the same people helping finance Will Smith’s son’s Karate Kid movie).  There are conflicting reports as to why, ranging from a desire to reduce competition for local films, to a sensitivity to a plot that parallels a government policy of forced evictions to make way for development. Meanwhile, the government says everything is perfectly normal, and offered free truncheon massages to the head if you’ll just relax for a second (you may feel a slight bump).

Critics claim the film’s plot parallels the removal of millions of residents to make way for property developers. The government has also denied reports that a decision was made to reduce competition for home-grown films [such as Chow Yun-Fat's Confucius, opening next week].  Writing in English-language newspaper China Daily, columnist Huang Hung [Hee hee!] said the smash-hit film mirrored China’s rules on forced eviction.
“All the forced removal of old neighbourhoods in China makes us the only earthlings today who can really feel the pain of the Na’vi,” she wrote. [BBC]

However, David Wolf of Wolf Group Asia, a media consultancy based in Beijing, said the decision to pull “Avatar” had more to do with the upcoming Chinese New Year holiday.  “There’s certain windows in the year that are held for domestic films,” Wolf said. “We’re coming up on Chinese New Year, so this can be expected.” [LATimes]

Meanwhile, the folks from the Avatard forums, offended at the implication that they wouldn’t understand the Na’avi’s struggle, have taken to cutting themselves just to feel alive and performing strange sexual acts in which they get naked and pull their cats’ tails through the crotch, then touch them together and pretend to read each other’s thoughts.  Sources in Asia called the practice “perfectly normal.”

So it looks like the Chinese remake of Karate Kid, which everyone pointed out should probably be called Kung Fu Kid, since Karate is Japanese and Kung Fu is Chinese, but was still called Karate Kid for a long time, will be called Kung Fu Kid again after all.  God I hate this story.

The co-production between the state-run China Film Group and Columbia Pictures started shooting Saturday in Beijing, Weng said.  “Kung Fu Kid” is being directed by Harald Zwart, who also directed “One Night at McCool’s” and “The Pink Panther 2.”

Will Smith — one of the film’s producers — Chan, Zwart and others symbolically removed a piece of red cloth covering a movie camera, after which Smith gave Chan a hug, according to video posted on Sina.com. His hair done in a huge Afro and wearing a bright red track jacket and blue pants, Jaden Smith stood and waved when he was introduced. His father ruffled his hair when he sat down. [AP]

OMG, did they also breathe oxygen while their hearts continued beating?? This just in: WILL SMITH IS SO GD BORING THAT HE’S CONTAGIOUS!  HE CAN EVEN INFECT PEOPLE WRITING ABOUT HIM THROUGH THE COMPUTER!  (*throws laptop in river, cuts off hands*)