(“WHERE CAN I BUY ZEESS MAGAZINE?”)

Because it’s such a hip and relevant periodical, Interview magazine recently did a fashion spread featuring 13-year-old Chloe Moretz (Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass), 10-year-old Kiernan Shipka (Sally Draper in Mad Men), and 15-year-old Nicola Peltz (Avatar, The Last Airbender).  Very young girls made up like sexy, provocative fashion models, pretty clever, right?  I’m very uncomfortable right now, I think it must be because this shoot is so cutting edge.  Let’s ask the youngest one what she thinks about it:

“Well, I love Chanel– I think they have some amazing pieces.  I love Burberry.  But my favorite is probably Papo d’Anjo.  They have amazing dresses for kids my age.”

Ha, Papo d’Anjo, I thought the same thing when I was 10.  But tell us, what are your thoughts on sippy cups?  Right now I’m really into the Pokémon print. Orange dinosaurs are so passé, wouldn’t you agree?

Anyway, I think it’s a really neat photoshoot.  Although next time they do one, they should talk to me about it, because I have a few ideas.  I was thinking one of them could have pigtails and be sucking on a big lollipop.  Or how about if we drape a python over her shoulders and shoot her bent over the hood of a really fast car?  I think that would be very avant-garde.  What’s that?  Oh don’t worry about her.  She’s only crying because of how much she wants to be a star.  Such a little professional.

[via OhNoTheyDidnt]

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett already act like self-absorbed weirdos from another planet, so it’s not like Jaden Smith ever had much of a chance at a normal life.  And I’ll admit, I’m no expert on child rearing, I don’t even normally wear pants, but I’m pretty sure the best way to help a child become a well-adjusted adult doesn’t involve letting him play karaoke with a popular movie franchise and taking him to Hollywood parties dressed in shoes with pictures of himself on them.

[More pictures available at SplashNews]

I’ll spare you the part where I put a giant TOLDJA! in my headline, but since you’ll need an explanation to send your mom when she emails you this in two months, here’s the story behind the elementary school Scarface play video:

That hysterical (or horrifying) version of “Scarface” making the rounds with grade school kids playing all the parts and spewing the f-word…”fudge” — yeah, it’s not an actual school play. Instead, it’s the work of director Marc Klasfeld and Rockhard Films who did the videos for Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface” and Adam Lambert’s “For Your Entertainment.” It was produced in L.A. within the last few weeks and the audience members were a mix of cast family members, colleagues and friends.  As for Lil’ Tony and his co-stars, they were selected through a casting agent known for finding child actor look-alikes for adult stars.  [TMZ]

Klasfield explains:
Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, remember Thomas Ian Nicholas (three first names = probable serial killer)? The kid from American Pie and Rookie of the Year? …Probably not.  Nonetheless, he’s back!  Sorta.  Okay he’s actually just singing a really crappy song. And he appears to be making sweet gay love to the microphone.  Also: I love the nonsensical song clichés.  For instance the 1:32 mark, where he sings: “Don’t stop/Keep on moving toward tomorrow…”

Hmm, so, uh… don’t die?  That’s your advice, essentially?  Very provocative, this. No really, I think this could be concept album.

[blame Burnsy for this tip]

Marty York, best known for his role as Yeah Yeah in The Sandlot in ’93 and who last acted in ’97, was recently arrested for beating up his girlfriend.  Which would never have happened if we sent all former child actors to internment camps like I keep saying.

Sources tell TMZ York was driving with his girlfriend in Los Angeles when they got in a heated argument. York says his GF struck him with her high heel shoe and he retaliated by punching her in the eye, causing a cut. York says they drove home, where the argument continued. A neighbor saw the cut on the woman’s eye and called the cops.  York says, “She got violent and started attacking me in the car… it caused me to swerve all over the road… I almost crashed and got in an accident… so I backhanded her.”
[...]
York says he and his woman are officially “back together.” [TMZ]

Of course they are.  Honestly, if you date a guy with eyebrows that look like that, you deserve to get backhanded from time to time.  And if York wants to learn some self-control, maybe he should try a personality test down at his former co-star Patrick “Ham” Renna’s Scientology center in Los Feliz.  And then we could lock the doors from the outside and gas them.  Don’t look at me like that, you know you were thinkin it.