"Sweep ya chimney, Mistah Scrooge?"

Entertainment Tonight broke the above photo (Credit: INF) of Mila Kunis’s ex-boyfriend Macauley Culkin in New York today with all the fanfare that the giant EXCLUSIVE watermark would suggest, igniting nothing short of a MEDIA FIRESTORM! “Macauley Culkin” quickly became a top trend on Twitter, with all manner of publications weighing in on his SHOCKING appearance, including my favorite, International Business Times, who wrote “Actor looks extremely thin, old.”

It’s hard not to look old (he’s 31) when the public knows you as an 8-year-old, but for the record, his “rep” says he’s in perfect health, and I’ve never known publicists to lie about such things.

Culkin is rumored to be starring in the British film Service Man — described as an uplifting military action flick — set for release in 2013. [ET]

Obviously, what’s happening here is that Haley Joel Osment is gradually assuming body mass directly at the expense of Macauley Culkin in some Thinner-like child actor curse, that will eventually turn Culkin into an Olsen twin and Osment into David Crosby. Culkin already has that hobo-chic look pioneered by the Olsens down pat. It’s easy to imagine them sharing a tin of beans over a trash-can fire, though the beans will be made of some type of expensive caviar that you probably you haven’t heard of.

"Reedo boy go away! Stay out my store!"

The Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan Karate Kid remake was partially financed by the Chinese government (see: China Film Group Corps) and went on to gross $360 million worldwide, so why wouldn’t they want to make another one? The entire enterprise was the shameless sequel’s greatest success story. It was set in China and starred famous Kung Fu practitioner Jackie Chan, and they STILL called it KARATE Kid. Now Sony has wrangled poor Zak Penn (X-Men 2, Incredible Hulk), who’s probably a talented screenwriter, to do more of their dirty work. The Republicans bitch about China owning our economy every six minutes, and not one peep about this? Come on, guys, there’s low-hanging fruit here. Snatch the low-hanging fruit from this 12-year-old African-American boy– okay I probably could’ve worded this better.

Columbia Pictures has tapped “The Incredible Hulk” scribe Zak Penn to rewrite its untitled sequel to 2010′s surprise hit “The Karate Kid.”
Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris were hired to write a sequel just weeks after director Harald Zwart’s “Karate Kid” reboot took in $55.6 million domestically over its opening weekend. China-set pic went on to gross $359 million worldwide.
While plot details remain under wraps, original stars Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan are expected to reprise their roles, though no deals are currently in place. [Variety]

Phew, thank goodness, I don’t know what I’d do if Jaden Smith didn’t return. I just love it when famous people use their children as an extension of their personal fashion sense. Yo go, Will! You’ve imbued your progeny with such “swag!” Would that ALL of our children could one day wear sneakers with their own pictures on the side. Bullying would end, self-esteem would reign, and we’d all follow our dreams and groove in one groovy drum circle. I hope this trend continues, and three or four years from now we get to see Sly Stallone’s granddaughter, Dakota Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke’s dog in The Expendablets.

It’s strange how little we’ve heard from Haley Joel Osment since he was the next big thing back in the late 90s. Even Frankie Muniz’s name would occasionally be in the news when he was Twitter-beefing with Shia LaBeouf (and who could forget the infamous Muniz-Labeouf Twitter beef of 2010? Certainly not me!), but Haley Joel? Hardly a peep! Well now he’s back, and by back, I mean starring in the kind of indie movies he has been for the past few years now, but this time as a flamboyant gay man in a film called “Sassy Pants.” See? That’s how you get the public’s attention.

Read the rest of this entry »

Balla lurns teh heartburn face from skool of hard knox

In quite possibly the dumbest statement to come out of an actress’s mouth since Jessica Alba said “good actors never use a script,” Twilight star Kristen Stewart told British GQ that she quit school in the seventh grade because her teachers failed her. And as long as we’re pointing fingers, I’d also like to hear what Stephenie Meyer’s English teacher has to say for herself.

Actress Kristen Stewart has lashed out at her former teachers, insisting they “failed” to support her while she was away from class on acting jobs.
The Twilight star began performing when she was just eight years old, and balanced work with attending school before deciding to drop out of mainstream education in the seventh grade when she was in her early teens.
And Stewart tells Britain’s GQ magazine she felt forced to have home schooling because her teachers refused to help her catch up when she was working on location.
“School became genuinely uncomfortable,” she says. “I was feeling a little self-conscious about the acting thing with my peers, but also my teachers became a problem. They didn’t want to do the extra work or put packages together so I could keep up while away.”
“They failed me. My teachers failed me. Not one, but all of them. I’m always slightly ashamed in a way, about what I do. I’m slightly embarrassed as I had such serious ambitions when I was younger, I just never imagined that I would ever have a reason not go to school. But then this happened.” [TheAge]

Yes, how dare those a-hole teachers not double their workload and create a special lesson plan for no extra pay so you could serve your country in the important role of “child actress.” People are always saying actors are selfish, entitled assholes, but I ask, isn’t it really the teachers? Whatever. You learn everything you need to know child acting anyway. “That Kristen Stewart, can’t add or subtract to save her life, but she sure can smile while eating oatmeal,” people say.

Ahh, reminds me of my own childhood.

Game over, man, game over.

M. Night Shyamalan is in Hollywood this week putting together his next directorial effort, but it won’t be the secret untitled project he shopped around in June. That script, which came with Bruce Willis, Bradley Cooper and Gwyneth Paltrow loosely attached, never found a buyer and was quietly shelved. [*frownie face*]
Sources are saying Shyamalan is developing an ultra clandestine sci-fi project titled “One Thousand A. E.” at Smith’s Overbrook production company. It would star Smith’s son, Jaden, who headlined the hit remake of “Karate Kid.” There is a key role for a male adult, although sources said Will Smith is not taking it on. As was also the case with recent film “The Last Airbender,” Shyamalan did not write “A.E.” [sic. Shyamalan DID write Airbender, I assume he means Devil, which Shyamalan neither wrote nor directed, but still doomed by putting his name on all the trailers and posters. -Ed.] That honor goes to Gary Whitta, who wrote “The Book of Eli” and a Kurt Russell project in development called “Undying.” [THR]

It’s so nice to see Jaden Smith getting more movie roles.  But you know what they say, if the Smith kids owe their success to anything, it’s… HARD WORK.

Willow Smith has confessed that she is proud of herself for having secured a record deal at such a young age.
“It felt like all the hard work paid off, mostly that,” she told MTV News about the signing.
“Like all the hard work that I’ve done, like recording ‘Whip My Hair’ – it’s paid off.” [DigitalSpy]

I know, I know, it’s probably unfair take an out-of-context-quote and use it against a 9-year-old.  She’s 9, she doesn’t know any better.  But hey, I’m not the one who named her after myself and had her make a music video like a f*cking sociopath.

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Which father/offspring duo are the best actors?