Hey, remember Thomas Ian Nicholas (three first names = probable serial killer)? The kid from American Pie and Rookie of the Year? …Probably not. Nonetheless, he’s back! Sorta. Okay he’s actually just singing a really crappy song. And he appears to be making sweet gay love to the microphone. Also: I love the nonsensical song clichés. For instance the 1:32 mark, where he sings: “Don’t stop/Keep on moving toward tomorrow…”
Hmm, so, uh… don’t die? That’s your advice, essentially? Very provocative, this. No really, I think this could be concept album.
[blame Burnsy for this tip]
Marty York, best known for his role as Yeah Yeah in The Sandlot in ‘93 and who last acted in ‘97, was recently arrested for beating up his girlfriend. Which would never have happened if we sent all former child actors to internment camps like I keep saying.
Sources tell TMZ York was driving with his girlfriend in Los Angeles when they got in a heated argument. York says his GF struck him with her high heel shoe and he retaliated by punching her in the eye, causing a cut. York says they drove home, where the argument continued. A neighbor saw the cut on the woman’s eye and called the cops. York says, “She got violent and started attacking me in the car… it caused me to swerve all over the road… I almost crashed and got in an accident… so I backhanded her.”
[...]
York says he and his woman are officially “back together.” [TMZ]
Of course they are. Honestly, if you date a guy with eyebrows that look like that, you deserve to get backhanded from time to time. And if York wants to learn some self-control, maybe he should try a personality test down at his former co-star Patrick “Ham” Renna’s Scientology center in Los Feliz. And then we could lock the doors from the outside and gas them. Don’t look at me like that, you know you were thinkin it.
Skylar DeLeon, who had a bit part on Power Rangers and suffered the dual indignity of being both a former child actor and named ‘Skylar,’ was sentenced to death on Friday. He was convicted of killing a retired yacht-owning couple and another man he met on a work furlough program in a separate incident. You may also remember DeLeon as the guy who “tried to saw off his own penis.”
During the trial, the court heard how Deleon and two other men, John F. Kennedy [Why would you name your kid that?] and Alonso Machain, had sailed out with the victims from Newport Harbor in November 2004 for what the unsuspecting couple believed was a test run. Deleon and his cohorts had been posing as prospective buyers of the yacht.
Once out at sea, the three men overpowered the couple, handcuffing them and covering their eyes and mouths with duct tape before forcing them to sign and fingerprint title transfer documents for the yacht. Machain, who testified for the prosecution, told how the terrified couple were then tied to the boat’s anchor and lowered into the sea. Their bodies were never found. Machain and Kennedy face trials at a later date [Kennedy was convicted, and is due for sentencing next month].
Defense attorney Gary Pohlson had asked jurors to spare his client’s life, arguing that Deleon was abused by a drug-dealing father who left him predisposed to violence. He declined to comment after the sentencing. [AFP, AOL]
Jeez, man, he tried to cut off his own dick - what’s a guy gotta do to get an insanity verdict these days? In any case, this is all the more reason to lock up Ace Ventura Jr. now as a preventative measure, while he’s still too weak to overpower yacht owners.
Man, the Slumpuppies‘ lives keep sounding better and better.
“Slumdog Millionaire” child star Azharuddin Mohammad (left) reportedly was beaten by his father Friday just days after attending the Oscars.
His father, Ismail Mohammad, got enraged when his son tried to avoid media in front the family’s home in the Dharavi slum.
He punched Azharuddin’s face and kicked him while the child cried and covered his face in pain.
The boy’s mother looked on in horror, crying out to her husband to stop, but the elder Mohammad kept delivering the punishing blows until his son fled.
“Azharuddin’s father was upset that he was asking to be left alone because he was tired,” an onlooker said. “It was like a scene out of ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’”
The father apologized after the incident became public, saying he was “very sorry.”
“I was so confused and stressed by my son’s homecoming that I did not know myself for a minute,” he told the Sun. “I love my boy and I am very happy to have him home,” he said. [NYDailyNews]
What a f-cking dick. Guy’s kid does one movie and he’s already acting like a stage parent.
AWESOMELY METAL STORY ALERT. Woman stabs rampaging chimp with butcher knife. I want that tattooed on my cock. (We may have to abbreviate).
A pet chimpanzee has been shot dead by a police officer after mauling a woman visiting its owner. The 200lb ape, who had appeared on TV commercials, attacked the woman as she got out of her car.
The woman suffered “serious blood loss” from facial injuries and was in a “very serious” condition in hospital.
The animal had been trained to ride in the family’s vehicles, had appeared on commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy and had also appeared in a television pilot.
“He’s been raised almost like a child by this family. He rides in a car every day, he opens doors… We have no indication of what provoked this behaviour at all,” Stamford Police captain Richard Conklin said.
Owner Sandra Herold had wrestled with Travis in an effort to stop the attack on her friend, then ran inside to make an emergency call.
“She retrieved a large butcher knife and stabbed her longtime pet numerous times in an effort to save her friend, who was really being brutally attacked,” Conklin said. [Editor’s note: HOLY SHIT!]
Paramedics then arrived to treat the woman, with police officers protecting them, but the chimp then started attacking them, AP reported. One officer was cornered in his vehicle and shot Travis in self-defence. [via BBC - thanks to Eric for the tip]
Jesus, that’s horrible. But look, people, you can’t raise a chimp like a child actor and then expect him not to act like a child actor. I mean, look at Danny Masterson.
