In what may be the worst decision ever made, according to the Hollywood Reporter, Robert Downey Jr. has officially left Alfonso Cuaron’s planned sci-fi epic Gravity and is now “circling” another project, How to Talk to Girls.  How to Talk to Girls is of course the adaptation of a how-to book written by, wait for it, a nine-year old.

Sources say that actor is circling the project, an adaptation of a book by a nine-year old boy revolving around advice on how to deal with the opposite sex. Downey, along with wife and producing partner Susan Downey, would also come aboard as a producer, joining Shawn Levy and his 21 Laps banner.

Girls was written by Alec Greven, then 9 years old, as a school project. It landed the boy a publishing deal (at least three other How to Talk to … books have been written) and put him on talk shows across the country.

Ben Karlin and Stu Zicherman wrote a draft but word is that the project is being reconceived and developed as a Downey vehicle. Susan Downey will spearhead the development process and will oversee the hiring of a writer. At the time of Fox acquisition, Levy said he wanted to make a comedy in the tone of Big.

Aw, a 9-year-old wrote a book, isn’t that adorable? NO. IT’S NOT F*CKING ADORABLE AT ALL.  IT’S CREEPY AND WEIRD AND THE PEOPLE ENCOURAGING IT SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR THE HEROIN REHAB.  Aw, look, we took a human being and turned him into a talking action figure for Oprah fans!  Isn’t it great?  It’s so lifelike, it even wears sweaters!  Guuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The only thing worse than a media-trained adult is a media-trained child.  Unfortunately, Greven isn’t the only one of these.  Stare into the eye of the beast after the jump, but consider yourselves warned. Read the rest of this entry »

New video (watch it below) has surfaced of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith’s life-sized, 9-year-old promotional doll, Willow Smith, singing her first single, “Whip My Hair.” She’s named after her father, and her brother Jaden’s named after their mother!  He’s following in the family footprints as an actor, and she’s doing it as a singer!  Analysts say the Smiths have already the most marketing synergy of any Hollywood family.  They’re a publicist’s dream! Other reactions from around the twatt-o-sphere:

Solange Knowles has co-signed on the track, tweeting, “Willow Smith make me wanna whip some haiiirrr in this house. Ummm kill em girl. Kill em!”
Willow is also drawing the attention of Bieber’s camp. On Tuesday, Justin’s video director Alfredo Flores tweeted, “WHAT!!??! Willow Smith just KILLED “Whip My Hair”… Rihanna, Keri, Ciara, Ashanti – please be warned.”
Brandy jumped onboard too. “OK, these lil Smith kids are AMAZING!!” the singer tweeted. “I whip my hair back and forth… Ms Willow is not to be played with!!” [MTV]

Haha, who would let a nine year old “play” anyway, amirite?  I heard she learned to dance barefoot on a really hot floor.  “Sometimes kids just need that extra little push!” the stars gushed on Dr. Phil’s “Parenting Spectular” episode.

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Earlier this year, Will Smith bought his son Jaden (named after mom, Jada!) a Karate Kid movie, but of course his 9-year-old daughter Willow (named after dad, Will!) was probably whining the whole time.  “Daddy, daddy, I wanna be famous too!  Daddy, daddy, buy me a rap career!”  So like any good father, he eventually broke down and got her signed to Jay-Z’s Roc Nation label.  Over the weekend, her first track, “Whip My Hair” leaked online. I personally found it a little repetitive, but I’m sure the kids will love it.  How could they not relate to such a normal, well-adjusted peer?

I’m so pissed at my parents.  So many times when I was nine I came home wearing bullfrogs for pants or a helmet made of play doh, and never once did they say, “Ooh, let’s get you a fashion line!”

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I always assumed Jaden Smith just woke up one day yelling “DADDY! DADDY! BUY ME A MOVIE!” and had his wish granted.  But a recent interview with his Karate Kid director, Harold Zwart contained an interesting quote, one raising the possibility that maybe Jaden Smith isn’t so much spoiled as he is exploited, like Michael Jackson, or one of those bears you hit with a stick until they ride a unicycle.  From a recent interview with ComingSoon:

CS: Was any of the training we see in the movie based in real martial arts training and did Jackie consult with that at all?

Zwart: Actually, the training he does in the movie was modeled after the actual training he had to go through. So I was up there every day standing there with Will watching [martial arts instructor] Wu Gong with his foot on Jaden’s back to make his legs go deeper and we see this tear running down his cheek, and Will and I were looking at each other going, “How can that not be in the movie?” (Laughs) We shot almost all of that on video and we made a pre-vis of the actual training and that’s how I blocked the training in the movie, it’s based on real training.

Hahahaha, the little kid cried when the Chinaman stood on his back and hit him with sticks! Classic!  It’s funny because he hates being forced to work!  I always love a good victim-cries-a-single-tear story.  We call that the Indian Chief tear.  I kid, I kid.  Look, no one said raising a successful child star isn’t a gamble.  Sure, maybe he slits your throat in your sleep one night, but maybe he becomes a big star and works himself to death in his 30s and you get to keep all his money.  The kid’s 11, right?  You always double down on 11.

Man, the Slumpuppies‘ lives keep sounding better and better.

“Slumdog Millionaire” child star Azharuddin Mohammad (left) reportedly was beaten by his father Friday just days after attending the Oscars.
His father, Ismail Mohammad, got enraged when his son tried to avoid media in front the family’s home in the Dharavi slum.
He punched Azharuddin’s face and kicked him while the child cried and covered his face in pain.
The boy’s mother looked on in horror, crying out to her husband to stop, but the elder Mohammad kept delivering the punishing blows until his son fled.
“Azharuddin’s father was upset that he was asking to be left alone because he was tired,” an onlooker said. “It was like a scene out of ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’”
The father apologized after the incident became public, saying he was “very sorry.”
“I was so confused and stressed by my son’s homecoming that I did not know myself for a minute,” he told the Sun. “I love my boy and I am very happy to have him home,” he said. [NYDailyNews]

What a f-cking dick.  Guy’s kid does one movie and he’s already acting like a stage parent.