Yo yo yo, word up to Rita Wilson, y’all, our boy Chet Haze just dropped a new single. Our favorite rapping rich son of an Oscar-winning actor has just released “Finest Girl,” which his manager, Briggs Goldberg (I like to imagine him as a rich Jewish kid with a gold grill that says “BRIGGS” in diamonds on his teeth) describes as:
“This video shows that Chet is truly a dynamic young artist. Taking ‘Pop’ to new levels of excitement, ‘Finest Girl’ is sure to resonate with people who appreciate great music!” – Chet’s Manager, Briggs Goldberg, Kinetik Entertainment
Those sarcasty quotes around “Pop” was probably completely accidental, and yet perfectly accurate. Sample verse:
All I remember, is goin to the club, out on the floor, that’s where I fell in love… with you (with you, with you…)
A queen for kings to dream for two…
Pretty standard. Though I’m really sad he didn’t start it with “Yo, CHP! Let’s kick it!” (The CHP would stand for Chet Haze Posse, obviously). I’m wary of making too much fun of Chet Haze, because he provides me with endless entertainment (seriously, check out his Reddit account comments). He’s priceless, and it only works because he’s so incredibly earnest. Pure, dumb earnestness like this is rare, and it’s the life blood of the internet. In a world of irony and self-doubt, I want to mash fratboy rapper Chet Haze’s simpleton bravado into a gravy and sop it up with a biscuit, oh God it’s delicious. Now it’s running down my chin. Quick, hand me that do rag.