Danny Trejo has a Cinco de Mayo message for Arizona — ju yust f*cked with the wrong Mexican, ése. So says the new trailer for Robert Rodriguez’ Machete.  Of course, Machete began as a trailer in Grindhouse, and at first I just thought I was watching that. And then, BOOM!  Robert DeNiro.   Then the whole crazy cast started to show up, Lindsay Lohan as a nun, Michelle Rodriguez as (surprise!) a hardcore Latina, Steven Segal as a fat guy with swords, Don Johnson (!), Cheech Marin, and Jessica Alba (UPDATE: And Jeff Fahey. GRR, NOBODY PUTS FAHEY IN A CORNER!).  I can’t help noticing that they cast a bunch of awesome male actors opposite some really sh*tty female ones.  Does Michelle Rodriguez have more than one facial expression?  She seems to play everything as “smug 15-year-old.”  She’s like the Latin Avril Lavigne.  Theoretically, seeing her in a bra should be hot, but it’s actually kind of scary, because you know at any moment she could flex her pecs and that thing will shoot off and put out someone’s eye. I hear she can crack walnuts with her Kegels. True story.

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Cheech Marin is set to direct and star in a script he wrote himself called Angel of Oxnard, about a guy named Angel who works for the Home Shopping Network and whose face appears on a tortilla.  I swear I didn’t make that up.  Thing is, Cheech is the kind of lovable, pudgy little cherub that advertisers love.  He’s like the Mexican Dave Thomas.  Therefore, I don’t think seeing his face on a tortilla would freak me out that much.  I say they re-cast this with Danny Trejo.

“Deedju order sometheen, puto?” Terrifying.

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong are both alive, and are reuniting for their first comedy tour in 25 years.

Marin and Chong, who broke up amid creative differences, have tried to reunite before, but have always fought too much. Marin laughed and said: "It takes about 3 minutes for that to happen. There’s this veiled hatred." But he added: "We’ve kind of resolved that.  We’ve gotten to the age where we don’t feel like fighting anymore because the end is a lot closer than the beginning," he said.

Marin said he thinks pot humor can be as funny today as it was back in the ’70s.  "I think it’s time for a revival of dope jokes. It’s a much bigger audience now, it’s much more widespread and institutionalized," he said in an interview earlier this month.

Details of the "Hey, What’s That Smell?" tour were to be announced Wednesday at a news conference in West Hollywood, California, according to concert promoter Live Nation.

During their original run, Marin and Chong released nine comedy albums between 1972 and 1985, were nominated for four Grammy Awards and won one. They also starred in eight feature films, almost always portraying a pair of comical stoners stumbling through life. [USA Today]

I’m excited for their reunion, but there’s a lot of competition out there in the comedy world these days so I hope they know what they’re up against.  I mean, have you heard of this Dane Cook kid?  They say he’s a real "live wire".

The Perfect Game is the story of the baseball team from Monterrey Mexico that became the first foreign team to win the Little League World series.  It stars Hayden Panettiere’s little brother* as one of the Mexican kids and Louis Gossett, Jr. as “Cool Papa Bell”.  

If ethnic types have their own version of the KKK based on hating white people, I think I’d like to paint my face and join.  Though I suppose they’d probably frown on that.

*His name? “Jansen”.  I think if you repeat the phrase, “Hi, these are our kids, Hayden and Jansen,” five times in your head without puking, George Carlin comes back from the grave and hits you with a shovel.