I know it’s a total cliché for a person who writes about movies for a living to love the Coen Brothers, but some clichés exist because they’re true.  The Coen Brothers are just really godd*mn amazing.  This is the trailer for True Grit (an closer adaptation of the Charles Portis novel, not a remake of the John Wayne movie, in case some punk at the local tavern starts talking crap to you about it), starring Jeff Bridges as a drunken old Sheriff named Rooster Cogburn who helps a 14-year-old girl hunt down her father’s killer.  It’s also got Matt Damon, Barry Pepper, and Josh Brolin, and little kids singin’ old-timey songs a lá O Brother Where Art Thou.  In fact, this children’s choir makes the children’s choir in the Social Network trailer look like two retarded kids playing snot kazoos.  If you’re not excited about this movie, you are communist and I hate you.

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(“The Civil War is over, Lebowski. The bums lost. THE BUMS LOST!”)

Variety reports double good news today, as the Coen Bros’ True Grit is scheduled to open Christmas Day, while their previously scheduled remake of Footloose has fallen off the release calendar.  Other reports have Jeff Bridges playing the lead (read: The Dude as an eyepatch-wearing drunk) with Josh Brolin and Matt Damon in supporting roles.

For the unfamiliar, True Grit follows a 14-year-old girl, who tags along with a U.S. Marshal, Rooster Cogburn (Bridges) as they attempt to track down her father’s murderer, who is something of a drunk. But the murderer is not anyone that the police want to mess with, so Rooster is all she’s got. A Texas Ranger named La Boeuf [Damon] also joins the manhunt; Cogburn and La Boeuf dont’ care for each other, but in the pursuit of the murderer [Brolin], they bond.  The 1969 John Wayne movie was told from the perspective of Cogburn; the Coens version, like the novel, will tell it from the perspective of the 14-year-old girl (presumably, like the novel, as an extended flashback). [Pajiba]

Anyone whining about Hollywood ‘ruining’ a classic can eat a Costco-sized tub of dicks (or maybe eat half and save the rest for your mom), because I’ll take a Coen Brothers adaptation of Charles Portis over a John Wayne movie any day.  What’s that dead A-hole done for me lately?  Nothing.  Just lays around all day filling a box.  Heh, ‘filling box.’   *hip thrusts* *puts finger guns back in holsters*

(“The Civil War is over, Lebowski. The bums lost.”)

Charles Portis is sort of a cult-favorite writer whose best-known work is probably True Grit, which spawned a movie adaptation that won John Wayne an Oscar in 1969.  Portis has been called a more comedic version of Cormac McCarthy, whose book No Country for Old Men won the Coen Brothers a best picture Oscar in 2007.  Now the Coens are re-adapting True Grit, and Variety reports that they’re in talks with The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges, for the lead.

For the unfamiliar, True Grit follows a 14-year-old girl, who tags along with a U.S. Marshal, Rooster Cogburn (Bridges) as they attempt to track down her father’s murderer, who is something of a drunk. But the murderer is not anyone that the police want to mess with, so Rooster is all she’s got. A Texas Ranger named La Boeuf also joins the manhunt; Cogburn and La Boeuf dont’ care for each other, but in the pursuit of the murderer, they bond.

The 1969 John Wayne movie was told from the perspective of Cogburn; the Coens version, like the novel, will tell it from the perspective of the 14-year-old girl (presumably, like the novel, as an extended flashback). [Pajiba]

I hope they not only tell it from the perspective of a 14-year-old girl, but contemporize it and have it unfold via her Twitter feed.   OMG, you guyz, Rooster cockbreath & the Shia Labuff guy tooootally aren’t getting along!  We beter find daddy’s killer soon, i have joBros tickets for tomorrow >:-T

_{We are the Co-en Bro-thers… don’t get a-long with o-thers…}

The ever-prolific Coen Brothers are set to adapt True Grit, the 1968 Charles Portis novel that already spawned a film adaptation for which John Wayne won an Oscar in 1969.

Not a traditional remake, the Paramount film will be more faithful to the Charles Portis book than the 1969 pic. Portis’ novel is about a 14-year-old girl who, along with an aging U.S. marshal and another lawman, tracks her father’s killer in hostile Indian territory. But while the original film was a showcase for Wayne, the Coens’ version will tell the tale from the girl’s p.o.v.

Portis’ book has been described as “Like Cormac McCarthy, but funny.”  It was also announced recently that Greg Mottola and Bill Hader are adapting another Portis novel, Dog of the South.  Reached for comment, Portis said, “No, it’s great that you’re only just now discovering me, that’s awesome.  No really.  Heck, I’m only 75.  Yup, nothing but silk Depends and extra-virgin prune juice for yours truly.   Assholes.”