Yay, gang, Vince is back!  …See, that was my attempt at making you grateful for my return, leading by example.  Hopefully Burnsy and Chareth didn’t do so good a job over the weekend that you’ve already forgotten about me, like I did with Whatshisface after my mom married that pilot.   Anyway, collectively, FilmDrunk Nation destroyed it last week, to the point that it was impossible for me to choose a single comment as the best of the week.  You guys have become like a well-oiled machine of dick jokes and wordplay. …And I like that.

These were my top four.

From Simon Pegg’s 1995 stand-up comedy clip:

galwaygirl says: There’s so much British in that clip that my pack of smokes just started butt f*cking each other.

From Nic Cage sadly not dressed like a bear during latest domestic violence incident:

Glowworm says: Alcoholism is a slippery slope; so is his wife.

From Bryan Singer explains that Superman Returns was actually a Jesus metaphor:

Chareth Cutestory says: Because who better to embody the metaphor of a spindly Jewish pacifist than a square-jawed ripped Aryan who’s always punching people into the sun?

From Yo-Yo Ma performs with L.A. dancer Lil Buck:

ChinoMoreno says: Black and yellow, black and yellow…

(*slow clap*) The FilmDrunk Comments Section: Come for the vague racism, stay for the top-notch wordplay.  Also, I’ve discovered that Yo-Yo Ma’s first name is officially hyphenated.  Do you think that was something his parents intended, or simply a consequence of proper punctuation?  Discuss.

HONORABLE MENTION:

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Get excited, folks.  Hobo with a Shotgun (which I quite enjoyed) is now available on VOD, iTunes, Amazon.com, VUDU, Xbox Marketplace, and hits theaters May 6th. In honor of the release, I’ve been deputized to give this week’s Comments of the Week winner a prize pack which includes a poster signed by Rutger Hauer, Hobo with a Shotgun beer cozies, and a couple Hobo with a Shotgun beanies (note to the winner: please please please give your beanies to actual hobos and then send the pictures to me).

In more site-related news, I’ve added a new section to CotW called “hate mail.”  Now you’ll be able to see all the hateful things directed at me every week, all in one place.  Yay, the internet!  It’s a little sparse this week, but I’m sure it will pick up.

Now then.  The winner.  It was a tough choice this week, but I chose based on which comment I most wished I had said in the post. From A Dolphin’s Tale looks incredible on every level:

Chareth Cutestory says: “Shooting my way through the Khyber Pass on my fourth tour, I shoulder-rolled onto an IED to save the entire squad.”

“I see. Well this inspiring dolphin got tangled in a rope.”

Nicely done. So send me your address, Chareth. The rest of you can join us after the jump for the Honorable Mentions.  And as always, please use the comments section below as a place to nominate your favorite comments throughout the week.  It helps me keep track of them.

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It’s been two weeks since our last comments of the week, and to make up for it, I’ve got two prizes to give away.  One is a FilmDrunk shirt, this year’s must have accessory at any swap meet and/or comic book convention.  The other is a copy of Getting It Done: The Ultimate Production Assistant Guide, provided to us by author Josh Friedman.

Only a fool would enter a film set without having first read this production manual. There is no faster way up the ladder than being prepared and no faster way out the door than by screwing up. This manual was created by a working PA as a tutorial for those starting out, or a reference guide for seasoned filmmakers. Getting It Done offers information on the many departments involved in a film production, the day-to-day operations of the set, the paperwork involved, and much more.

Right, so let’s get to it.  The winners:

[From Kevin Smith on working with Bruce Willis: "I had no help from this dude whatsoever."] Chareth Cutestory says: “I really should listen to this jorts-ensconced taint enthusiast.” – No one, ever

[From Armond White cares not for bourgeois oppression] Stinky Peet says: Armond White uses Vistaprint™ for bulk discounts on his race cards.

Well done, now send me your addresses and/or shirt size. And now for everyone’s favorite part, the few, the proud, the honorable mentions.

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Party Dog is about to make it rain all over 69 Cats. (*howls lyrics to "Cherry Pie"*)

This week’s comment of the week was tough to choose, as it always is when there’s a 100+ comment thread of Gary Busey facts.  But in the end, like Gary Busey, I had to go with my gut:

Donkey Hodey says: Gary Busey once had the same dream as Martin Luther King Jr., except when he woke up, his pillow was gone.

I couldn’t tell you what that even means, but every time I read it, I can’t stop giggling.  The even bigger news is, this week’s comment of the week will be competing with every other comment of the week in FilmDrunk’s first ever COMMENT OF THE YEAR honors.  Happening right here!  Right now!  I’ve sifted through damn near 52 comments and picked my 10 favorites.  That’s a lot of work for a blogger!  (*mops brow with wadded tissue, takes kleenex boxes off feet, puts feet on desk

But wait! Will this post be a slideshow??  YOU’RE G*DDAMN RIGHT THIS POST IS A SLIDESHOW!  Won’t you come with me, on a click-rate increasing journey of magic and wonder? Read the rest of this entry »

This week, I’ve got three copies to give away of Restrepo, Sebastian Junger and Tim Hetherington’s intense documentary about a year in Afghanistan’s Korengal Valley.  I might not get to posting my review, but suffice to say, I recommend it, especially if you’re looking for a war doc that will shrivel your nuts and pucker your butt hole.  Now then, on to this week’s winners.

Chareth Cutestory contributes a zinger to the Tarantino roast that would’ve been the best of the event:

Chareth Cutestory says: “But all kidding aside, I’m sure if David Carradine were here tonight, he’d be the first to say ‘blaarrgh’ and then come really hard.”

Elsewhere, Crapbasket auditioned to be the next producer of The Andrew Show: a Show for about a Racist Kid with a Speech Impediment Who Hates Marmaduke:

Crapbasket says: His review of Invictus was just him kicking a dog down a country road.

And our final winner, Noob commenter Mustard Tiger, outdoes my joke about what a Sam Mendes-directed James Bond film would look like and then some.

Mustard Tiger: Racing against the clock, James Bond must team up with his longtime enemies to combat an even greater menace… suburban ennui.

BOND: Do you expect me to talk?

AURIC GOLDFINGER: No, Mr. Bond, my expectations in life have been eroded by the ceaseless, soul-crushing demands of conformity my environment imposes upon me.

Send me your addresses to collect your prize, you clever sons of bitches.  Read on for the honorable mentions.

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