Many of you have been asking the results of our Comments of the Year voting, and I meant to announce them sooner, it’s just that the new batch of shirts that I ordered were supposed to be here a few days ago, and they still aren’t here. I was hoping to have physical shirts here for the winners, but oh well, I guess the graphic will have to do. The new batch is two-color print, much like you see above, and in addition to our normal Kelly green, we’ll also have some on a red shirt. I’ll update you guys on where you can buy them as soon as I get the actual shirts.

In the meantime, as I said before, the Comments of the Year winner is receiving a $50 dollar gift card to Amazon, and the next five are getting shirts. To everyone’s credit, almost every comment got at least one vote, and pretty much all of them would’ve been deserving. But fine, I’ll quit padding your egos and tell you who got the most votes….

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(Thanks to John N for the photo)

This was our first week with the new commenting system. We’ve still got some upgrades to come with that, and at some point we may be able to decide our Comments of the Week winner through voting, but for now, we’re still stuck with the old method. Once again, the way that works is, you nominate your favorite comments throughout the week by copy and pasting them into the comments section below. You can always find the CoTW link on the sidebar to your right, or linked at the bottom of Morning Links.

Now then. I had to give Chareth Cutestory the nod this week for his comment in the post about the lady who sued Drive for not being enough like Fast and Furious. This is just an effective visual.

Chareth Cutestory says:
*smash cut to trial*
“Your Honor, please. Mr. Gosling should not be allowed to bring a kitten onto the witness stand.”
“…I’ll allow it.”
“But he even put a tiny little scorpion jacket on it!”
*bangs gavel*
“CASE DISMISSED.”

Meanwhile, showing what FilmDrunk is all about, Bubb Rubb gets the assist by creating the Photoshop:

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Last week at Comic-Con, I did some work in the Limitless lounge, where aside from providing free Wifi, they were absolutely making it RAIN with Limitless DVDs. And God knows, if there’s one thing I’d like to stuff in my G-String, it’s Bradley Cooper’s face. So this week, I’ve got a DVD for the winner. THE DRUGS, THEY MAKE BRADLEY COOPER SMARTER!

One quick note on Comments of the Week and the nominating process: In the past, the way this has worked is, you nominate the comments you think are CotW-worthy by copy-pasting them in the comments section of the most recent Comments of the Week post (i.e., for next week’s CotW, you would nominate in the comments section below). We lost the dedicated Comments of the Week link in the redesign, and we’re trying to get that back (along with a Latest Comments link), but in the meantime, you can always either bookmark this post, or find it at the bottom of the Morning Links posts, where I put a Comments of the Week link every morning. Got it? Good. And if you’ve never commented before, don’t be afraid to jump in. We like funny, but an honest opinion is valuable too. Just don’t be an idiot, this isn’t YouTube.

And now for the winner. I love a running joke, and Chareth Cutestory has been hating Kevin Smith for so long (even coining the phrase “jorts-ensconced taint enthusiast”), that at this point, it almost doesn’t even matter what he says. The relentless of his hatred itself has become the joke. I guess. Look, the point is, this made me laugh. From Red State Looks Actiony:

Chareth Cutestory says: I heard Kevin Smith discovered Dutch angles only after the camera crane buckled.

YOUR OCCASIONALLY CHARMING INTERVIEWS DON’T IMPRESS ME, YOU PORTLY DILETTANTE!

So thanks, Chareth, now send me your address. Honorable mentions below the fold.

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(via MarriedtotheSea)

Before we get to comments of the week proper, I just wanted to direct your attention to the new type of spam we’ve been getting. A while back, there were comment spambots that would start their spam with “lol, thats retarded!” and then go into their schpiel about dating sites or penis pills or whatever.  Which always made me think, “What the hell? The robots are insulting me now?” It’s a sad statement on internet culture when the first step towards helping our cyborgs blend in is teaching them to be snarky assh*les.  Well now there’s a new type of bot that seems to copy and paste previous comments by way of agreement before going into the normal pitch.  I wanted to highlight a few of these, because something about robot-speak mixed with FilmDrunk commenter-speak just cracks me up:

wanwow: They are white kids just trying to look like Japenese kids so they put bagels in their heads to make their eyes slanty.
I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

wanwow: The BAC of the driver is .196. The car leaves the road and goes through 40 yards of trees. When does this event turn from “tragedy” to “what the f*ck did you expect”? Solve for x. Show all work.
I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

wanwow: “You are posting too fast, slow dowqn” His big Klingon ass! The Mighty Feklahr will drive to the f*cking internet and duck rape Uproxx with His corkscrew penis if that little f*cker mouths off to Him again!
I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

Ahh, that’s good stuff.  Okay, time for the real Comments of the Week winner:

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Yay, gang, Vince is back!  …See, that was my attempt at making you grateful for my return, leading by example.  Hopefully Burnsy and Chareth didn’t do so good a job over the weekend that you’ve already forgotten about me, like I did with Whatshisface after my mom married that pilot.   Anyway, collectively, FilmDrunk Nation destroyed it last week, to the point that it was impossible for me to choose a single comment as the best of the week.  You guys have become like a well-oiled machine of dick jokes and wordplay. …And I like that.

These were my top four.

From Simon Pegg’s 1995 stand-up comedy clip:

galwaygirl says: There’s so much British in that clip that my pack of smokes just started butt f*cking each other.

From Nic Cage sadly not dressed like a bear during latest domestic violence incident:

Glowworm says: Alcoholism is a slippery slope; so is his wife.

From Bryan Singer explains that Superman Returns was actually a Jesus metaphor:

Chareth Cutestory says: Because who better to embody the metaphor of a spindly Jewish pacifist than a square-jawed ripped Aryan who’s always punching people into the sun?

From Yo-Yo Ma performs with L.A. dancer Lil Buck:

ChinoMoreno says: Black and yellow, black and yellow…

(*slow clap*) The FilmDrunk Comments Section: Come for the vague racism, stay for the top-notch wordplay.  Also, I’ve discovered that Yo-Yo Ma’s first name is officially hyphenated.  Do you think that was something his parents intended, or simply a consequence of proper punctuation?  Discuss.

HONORABLE MENTION:

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