"Yo, girl, peep this chicken."

Ever since our good friend C-Tates caught the comedy bug in the Vince Vaughn-Kevin James *fart noise* film The Dilemma, he just can’t stop trying to make people laugh. For starters, he teamed up with Jonah Hill to star in the upcoming potential blockbuster 21 Jump Street, and he’s also taking the main stage at 30 Rock this weekend for his first ever hosting duties of “Saturday Night Live.”

That’s why it came as little surprise when his co-star in the drama The Vow, Rachel McAdams, told Stella magazine in a recent interview that Tatum is quite the goof ball on the set. You could almost say he’s the king of *stifles laughter* dicking around!

“Channing got the props department to make a prosthetic, um, member,” the actress, 33, tells U.K magazine Stella of filming the upcoming movie’s nude scene.

“Literally a fake penis. I didn’t know what to do – I thought, ‘Is that the real deal?’ It was very realistic. It was ridiculous, the scale of it!” (Via People)

First of all, I can only picture McAdams adorably blushing and covering her mouth as she said member instead of penis or flesh kabob. But more importantly, she is the worst storyteller ever. Okay, he made a giant prosthetic dong. So what the hell did he do with it? Did he slap your face with it like you were a naughty girl? Did he run around with it between his legs while chanting, “Tater ‘bater”? Way to sit on the details, Regina George.

Thankfully, I’ve always got the hot line to Tatum’s Boost Mobile, so I hit those digits and asked the man, the myth, the legend and the hardest twirkin’ playboy in show B1ZNA$TEE why exactly he gave away his giant rod.

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All Steak No Sizzle

Steven Soderbergh’s 2011 output reminds me a lot of post-Pinkerton Weezer. I don’t want to speculate as to what hurt Soderbergh’s feelings the way Pinkerton’s poor sales and appearance on Rolling Stone’s worst albums of 1996 list (I’ll never forgive you for that, Rolling Stone) hurt Rivers Cuomo’s, but Haywire and Contagion feel like Soderbergh playing with genre movies, the same way everything after Pinkerton felt like experiments with different pop styles, rather than an earnest attempt to make personal music. Taking on less personal work a great way to pump out product quickly and not be too emotionally invested if it fails (because they’re essentially cover songs anyway), but you can sense the detachment. And a detached artist is… kind of boring.

Haywire is Soderbergh’s contribution to the Bourne/Hanna/Columbiana/Abduction sassy vengeance oeuvre, with the twist being that he cast former MMA star Gina Carano, one of the only pretty girls around who actually looks believable beating up grown men (the other? you guessed it, Maya Angelou). Adding believability is almost revolutionary in the hot-chick-beats-up-dudes genre, and Soderbergh, competent as always, does a solid job building a story that tracks, and never makes you go “what? That’s stupid.”

Only he forgot one key ingredient – fun. There seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding that Haywire‘s audience cares about which secret agent double crossed Agent Sexpunch (was it C-Tates? Banderas? Ew-Greg?), when really we just want to see her look sexy and punch stuff. There’s one truly transcendent fight scene in a hotel room that hits just the right note of intimate brutality, where Gina seems like she might f*ck you but will probably kill you, but the rest of the film just sort of chugs along clinically, hitting all the positions, but never quite giving you the full girlfriend experience.

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When I first heard Steven Soderbergh was making a movie based on the real-life story of Channing Tatum’s experiences as a 19-year-old male stripper, I tore off the warm-up pants I was wearing and helicoptered my wiener in excitement, which must’ve been a real treat for the other coffee shop patrons. The film is called Magic Mike, and it just released the first still, starring, from left, Joe Manganiello (this is my favorite picture of him), Alex Pettyfer aka Alex Pretty Fur, Matthew McConaughey, and Channing Tatum. Yes, Matthew McConaughey is actually in the movie, though it’s perfectly believable that he just happened to be dressed like that and wandered through the set on his way to a bongo circle.

Here’s the official synopsis (Soderbergh previously said he was using Saturday Night Fever as a model):

MAGIC MIKE
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Writer: Reid Carolin
Producers: Nick Wechsler, Gregory Jacobs, Channing Tatum, Reid Carolin

Cast: Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, Joe Mangianello, Olivia Munn, Riley Keough, Cody Horn, Adam Rodriguez

Dramatic Comedy. Set in the world of male strippers, “Magic Mike” is directed by Steven Soderbergh and stars Channing Tatum (“Dear John,” “Step Up”) in a story inspired by his real life. The film follows Mike (Tatum) as he takes a young dancer called The Kid (Pettyfer) under his wing and schools him in the fine arts of partying, picking up women, and making easy money. [via Collider]

Damn, that sounds exactly how I mentored Burnsy as an Uproxx blogger. I expect this to be not only entertaining, but life affirming. YO TELL YOUR MOMS TO MAKE IT RAIN HUNDOS, SON, HOO! HOO!

It opens June 29, 2012, the same day as that other C-Tates joint, GI Joe 2. AW, SH*T, SON, EVERYTHING’S COMIN’ UP C-TATES, SKEET SKEET.

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for GI Joe 2: Retaliation, starring The Rock and Channing Tatum, the hardest mumbling wigger in show business. If that weren’t enough, it also stars Bruce Willis and a chick who kind of looks like Michelle Rodriguez! The gang’s all here! Except for director Stephen Sommers! He was replaced on this installment by Jon M. Chu, director of Step Ups 2 Tha Streets and 3D, as well as Justin Bieber Never Say Never, which makes it likely this sequel will be even more danceable than the original! Let’s C-Walk to ground zero!

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As we have often noted, FilmDrank favorite Channing Tatum is the hardest working man in show business because he keeps hammering out film after film, both as an actor and producer. After his latest critical turd, The Son of No One, flushes itself out of theaters, Tatum will be coming live and fresh with 21 Jump Street, Haywire and Magic Mike. The last two films, of course, were directed by Steven Soderbergh, who seems to have developed a little fondness for C-Tates as well.

The latest rumor has Tatum starring as Napoleon Solo in Soderbergh’s big screen adaptation of the classic TV series, “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” The role was originally rumored to belong to People’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” me Bradley Cooper, but he has since detached himself, opening the door for Tatum. So what about the female roles? Who will C-Tates be getting his grind on with?

Two females being mentioned for parts have been Emily Blunt (who starred in “Wind Chill” by Gregory Jacobs, Soderbergh’s longtime producing partner) and Imogen Poots (from the Soderbergh executive produced “Solitary Man”), but there’s nothing concrete there yet. Potential female roles are the aforementioned civilian and Lisa Rogers, a female U.N.C.L.E. agent who appeared in the fourth season of the TV show.

(Via Indie Wire)

As always, there’s no point in speculating about the film when I can get the info straight from the horse’s mouf, our dear friend C-Tates…

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