(”Stop.  Hammer time.”)

Good news, everyone: I wrote a humorous headline.  Also, Steven Spielberg and Will Smith’s planned remake of Park Chan-Wook’s Old Boy (actually, if you want to get technical, it was supposed to be a separate adaptation of the original Old Boy manga) is dead.  Latino Review reports that it was killed when Dreamworks couldn’t come to a deal with Mandate pictures.

So now if you want to see Old Boy, you’ll just have to watch Old Boy.  And to get your fill of Will, you’ll have to satisfy yourself with his remake of Karate Kid, Flowers for Algernon,  I Am Legend 2, Hancock 2, Men in Black 3, Bad Boys 3, that street magician movie, the Hurricane Katrina movie, and God knows what else. Will Smith is basically the Michael Jordan of acting, in that no one knows his actual personality, which as it turns out is really good for business.  That’s why publicists coach actors and athletes to answer all questions with variations on the same clichés. That, and Tom Cruise is a succubus.  It’s true, I read it in Science Magazine.

Okay, folks, it’s comments of the week time again, and this time I’ve got prizes to give away.  First place gets a Thirst poster autographed by the director and the soundtrack, three runners up win the soundtrack. Thirst opened in select theaters on Friday. You can see when it will be in your queer town here.

The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below.  I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

FIRST PLACE – from the James Cameron with a gun post – goes to… Read the rest of this entry »

I normally like to make Comments of the Week prizes a surprise to reward the diehards, but since Thirst is opening in select theaters tomorrow, you get a little advance notice.

Acclaimed director Park Chan-wook (Oldboy; I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK) returns with his highly anticipated vampire film Thirst, an official selection at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival. Everyone’s favorite actor Song Kang Ho plays a respected priest who turns into a vampire after a medical experiment gone wrong. His newfound thirst for blood and deadly attraction for his best friend’s wife, played by Kim Ok-bin (Dasepo Naughty Girls), drives him down a road of lust and depravity.

You can watch the red-band trailer for Thirst here or here.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard good things and I’m a big fan of Old Boy.  Plus, Korean vampire movies are way better, because instead of abstinence lessons they have a priest who bangs Asian chicks.  Anyway, this week’s Comments of the Week winner will receive a poster autographed by the director (which lends instant class to your mobile home and/or rape trailer) as well as the official movie soundtrack.  Three additional runners up will receive the soundtrack, on state-of-the-art compact disc!

So there you have it, trolls and n00bs.  Hope you’ve been bringing your A-game.

This is the red-band trailer for Thirst, from Old Boy director Park Chan-Wook, or Chan-Wook Park or however the right way to say it is.  It’s about some sort of priest who becomes a vampire, and follows in the footsteps of a long line of recent vampire flicks. Only instead of abstinence, blasphemy.  And instead of meaningful glances, implied cunnilingus.  Man, have you ever noticed that Asians are like, better at stuff?

_{Ladies always look like this when I have sex with them. “Why me?” they shout.}

Old Boy director Chan-Wook Park has a movie about a vampire priest coming out in May called Thirst.  You can watch the trailer below. I can’t understand it because it’s all in Korean, but I think it’s safe to say Park’s vampires won’t be abstinent pussies like Twilight’s been trying to sell us.  Oh hi, Bella. I already owe my soul to Satan, so it makes complete sense that I’d never kill people or have sex or use any of my awesome superpowers.  The only thing that would make this better is if at the end Wesley Snipes burst in and killed everyone with a samurai sword. 
Read the rest of this entry »