Chan-Wook Park’s Oldboy (2003) is one of those foreign films that so many people have already seen that a remake would almost be sacrilege, but in the eyes of studio execs, people who watch foreign films aren’t an audience worth considering anyway so shut up while Kevin James takes a gorilla ice skating.  Last we heard, a deal that would’ve had Spielberg and Will Smith involved in the remake fell through when Dreamworks and Mandate couldn’t come to an agreement.  But Mandate apparently still owns the rights to the remake, and now Twitch reports that they’re in talks with Spike Lee to direct.  Yes, Spike Lee. I for one can’t wait for ODay Sioux’s inevitable out-of-context rant about how much he hates Arab cab drivers.

Twitch has learned that Spike Lee is currently in talks to direct the long-rumored Hollywood remake of Park Chan-Wook´s Oldboy.
The film is set up at Mandate with Doug Davison and Roy Lee producing and Mark Protosevich (Thor, I Am Legend) writing the script.

The original starred the brilliant Min-Sik Choi as Oh Dae-Su, a man with five days to find and exact his revenge on the man who imprisoned him for 15 years.  Whether a straight remake or a new adaptation of the original manga, I imagine Spike Lee’s version would play out much the same way. “Oldboy 2: Who you callin’ ‘Boy?”” they could call it.

(“Stop.  Hammer time.”)

Good news, everyone: I wrote a humorous headline.  Also, Steven Spielberg and Will Smith’s planned remake of Park Chan-Wook’s Old Boy (actually, if you want to get technical, it was supposed to be a separate adaptation of the original Old Boy manga) is dead.  Latino Review reports that it was killed when Dreamworks couldn’t come to a deal with Mandate pictures.

So now if you want to see Old Boy, you’ll just have to watch Old Boy.  And to get your fill of Will, you’ll have to satisfy yourself with his remake of Karate Kid, Flowers for Algernon,  I Am Legend 2, Hancock 2, Men in Black 3, Bad Boys 3, that street magician movie, the Hurricane Katrina movie, and God knows what else. Will Smith is basically the Michael Jordan of acting, in that no one knows his actual personality, which as it turns out is really good for business.  That’s why publicists coach actors and athletes to answer all questions with variations on the same clichés. That, and Tom Cruise is a succubus.  It’s true, I read it in Science Magazine.

Okay, folks, it’s comments of the week time again, and this time I’ve got prizes to give away.  First place gets a Thirst poster autographed by the director and the soundtrack, three runners up win the soundtrack. Thirst opened in select theaters on Friday. You can see when it will be in your queer town here.

The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below.  I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

FIRST PLACE – from the James Cameron with a gun post – goes to… Read the rest of this entry »

I normally like to make Comments of the Week prizes a surprise to reward the diehards, but since Thirst is opening in select theaters tomorrow, you get a little advance notice.

Acclaimed director Park Chan-wook (Oldboy; I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK) returns with his highly anticipated vampire film Thirst, an official selection at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival. Everyone’s favorite actor Song Kang Ho plays a respected priest who turns into a vampire after a medical experiment gone wrong. His newfound thirst for blood and deadly attraction for his best friend’s wife, played by Kim Ok-bin (Dasepo Naughty Girls), drives him down a road of lust and depravity.

You can watch the red-band trailer for Thirst here or here.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard good things and I’m a big fan of Old Boy.  Plus, Korean vampire movies are way better, because instead of abstinence lessons they have a priest who bangs Asian chicks.  Anyway, this week’s Comments of the Week winner will receive a poster autographed by the director (which lends instant class to your mobile home and/or rape trailer) as well as the official movie soundtrack.  Three additional runners up will receive the soundtrack, on state-of-the-art compact disc!

So there you have it, trolls and n00bs.  Hope you’ve been bringing your A-game.

This is the red-band trailer for Thirst, from Old Boy director Park Chan-Wook, or Chan-Wook Park or however the right way to say it is.  It’s about some sort of priest who becomes a vampire, and follows in the footsteps of a long line of recent vampire flicks. Only instead of abstinence, blasphemy.  And instead of meaningful glances, implied cunnilingus.  Man, have you ever noticed that Asians are like, better at stuff?