(An artist's rendition)

When I was a kid, I expected 2011 to have flying cars, robot servants, and blow jobs as far as the eye could see. Instead we’ve got something called a debt ceiling, I get hangovers when I black out from drinking, and actresses are getting CGI nipples put on themselves to avoid nude scenes. THIS FUTURE SUCKS! I’M GOING TO FIND STEVEN HAWKING AND SHOVE HIM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!

Olivia Wilde, beautiful actress, has a nude scene in the upcoming movie The Change-Up. Which is funny because she wasn’t actually naked in the scene—she wore pasties to cover up her bitties [THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL! -Ed]. Turns out, they CGI’d her nipples in post-production.
The former OC grad preserved her modesty in a scene with Ryan Reynolds using pasties but after filming wrapped, producers noticed that Wilde’s pasties were clearly visible and that “they had no choice but to use computer-generated imagery to make the sex scene seem as real as possible.” Wilde says:
“I wasn’t actually naked but now appear to be naked because… in that scene Ryan Reynolds is supposed to be covering them (with his body) and he moved and so the pasties were in the movie and so they had to paint in nipples using CGI. And I got to approve the nipples! They sent me an email saying, ‘Please review nipple cover shot one through seven and decide which one is most like the original.’ I don’t know what he (producer) was using as source material… but I think it’s pretty close.” [JimmyKimmel via Gizmodo]

Well at least it was used to correct a mistake and not as part of some diabolical nip-cap trend. WE DEMAND 100% ORGANIC LADYNIPS! It’s also important to note that Olivia Wilde has appeared nude onscreen before (in Alpha Dog – NSFW link), so it’s not like she’s some kind of a prude. Which is good, because as I try to tell kids all the time, a prude is the worst thing a person can be, even worse than a hypocrite or a litterbug. Come on, baby, lighten up.

I didn’t really mind when they gave the creepy, CGI/live-action treatment to Garfield, Alvin & the Chipmunks, Yogi Bear, or especially Marmaduke, because let’s face it, Marmaduke was always lame (AND I DON’T CARE WHO I PISS OFF BY SAYING IT!).  But one of my few loves in this world is old Mel Blanc cartoons.  They were 30 years old when I first saw them, and I feel like they still translate, especially the ones about “the Japs” (whatever those are!).  But then, I guess I wouldn’t be a blogger if I wasn’t whining about someone crapping on my over-idealized childhood.

Warner Bros has hired Elf scribe David Berenbaum to write Bugs Bunny, a live action/CG feature film designed to revive one of the studio’s most iconic intellectual properties. While the rabbit was toned down in later Looney Tunes incarnations, the 1940 Tex Avery creation was the centerpiece for smart, topical, sophisticated and sometimes subversive cartoon shorts, marked by the vocal versatility of Mel Blanc, who also voiced Elmer Fudd, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig and others. Berenbaum’s repped by WME. [Deadline]

Jeff Foxworthy as Yosemite Sam or GTFO.  At the same time, I did enjoy Elf.  If they could make this a movie about Will Ferrell in a bunny costume instead of a creepy CGI rabbit, I might be onboard.  But let’s face it, it’s probably going to be more poop eating and implied anal rape.  Kids love that, according to Hollywood.

Word came down to /Film yesterday from a supposedly reliable source that the Green Lantern suit in the Martin Campbell/Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern movie, aka Touched By An Alien, would be almost wholly computer generated.  Meanwhile, Ryan Reynolds’ abs will still made of rainbows and puppy kisses.

The suit that Ryan wears on set is a grey tracking motion/performance capture suit with LED lights. The Green Lantern suit you will see in the final film will be almost entirely created using computers.

Ngila Dickson, the costumer designer on the film who previously won an Academy Award for The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, was tasked with trying to find a way to do something that stands apart from all of the other superheroes spandex suit designs we’ve seen in the past.  The Green Lantern suit is something that should look alien — it needs to seem other worldly. It encompasses any creature that wears the ring, and Hal Jordan is the first human to ever wear the suit. [ /Film]

The nerds are probably going to be a sea of agitated man-boobs over this one, and I’m not a fan of motion-capture or CGI costumes either — they almost never look good as well-done real-world effects — but if this movie turns out lame (and there’s a pretty good chance of that), it won’t be because of this in and of itself.  There was plenty of CG in Spider-Man (and yeah, a lot of it looked pretty lame), but there was also Dr. Octopus in Spider-Man 2, and he’s probably my favorite part of any comic-book movie.  Plus, it just makes sense that an alien would come from outer space to put a ring on Ryan Reynolds and make him get dressed in front of a computer. Hey, instead of CG, did anyone consider putting him in a costume that’s mostly KY?  That could be cool.  The bad guys would have trouble grabbing onto him because he’d be so slippery, and then they’d probably giggle a lot.

Read the rest of this entry »

(Oh sure, and the fast mouse is the racist.)

Noted Mexican George Lopez is set to voice Speedy Gonzalez in an upcoming movie for New Line. The company was careful to note that this won’t be the “racist”, Looney Tunes version of Speedy that you’re used to, in which Mexicans are unfairly depicted as lightning-fast cartoon rodents.  From Reuters:

The character has often courted criticism that the ethnic characterizations of him and his compatriots (especially lazy cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez) are stereotypically racist and severely outdated.
Aware of this, New Line and the producers plan to update the brand with a modernized sensibility.
“We wanted to make sure that it was not the Speedy of the 1950s — the racist Speedy,” said the comedian’s wife Ann Lopez, who will serve alongside him as a producer. “Speedy’s going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he’s a little too fast for what they do. He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he’s good at.”

Mira, Speedy, ju need to eslow down.  Ju selleen los oranges muy, muy queeckly.  Ju makeen jour cousens look bad.  Ay yay yay, we’re so esleepy.

Read the rest of this entry »

(“She’sh really capshured the esshensh of how I shtalk my prey.”)

Sean Connery has been saying he’s retired from acting for the past few years, but that didn’t stop him from agreeing to voice the lead character in an upcoming independent CGI animated feature. And you just know it had to be something incredible to lure him out of retirement, right?

“Sir Billi” centers on a retired, skateboarding veterinarian who lives in a remote Scottish village and who spearheads the rescue of an illegal fugitive who also happens to be a beaver. [via THR]

I’m guessing the skateboarding veterinarian plans to try this case in Cool Court. Reached for comment, Connery said, “I jusht wanted to prove that you’re never too old to chashe beaver,” and slapped his wife across the face.

Read the rest of this entry »