The Hobbits come from a magical realm called "Diagonal Earth."

MGM just released the first trailer for Peter Jackson’s fourth Hobbit movie, the first of the two-part The Hobbit, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Judging by people’s reactions — “shaking and crying!”, “Peter Jackson is a God,” (just to quote a few from my Facebook wall), people are reeeeeeally excited about it. All I’m saying is, don’t over exert yourself. Grab your inhalers and meet me after the jump.

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” follows title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor, which was long ago conquered by the dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior, Thorin Oakensheild. Their journey will take them into the Wild; through treacherous lands swarming with Goblins and Orcs, deadly Wargs and Giant Spiders, Shapeshifters and Sorcerers. Although their goal lies to the East and the wastelands of the Lonely Mountain first they must escape the goblin tunnels, where Bilbo meets the creature that will change his life forever … Gollum. Here, alone with Gollum, on the shores of an underground lake, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths ofguile and courage that surprise even him, he also gains possession of Gollum’s “precious” ring that holds unexpected and useful qualities … A simple, gold ring that is tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways Bilbo cannot begin to know.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Hey girl, trust me, this is in self defense."

FilmDrunk favorite and gentleman snuggler Ryan Gosling is currently filming Lawless, a gangster film directed by Terrence Malick and co-starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. Lawless is actually one of two new Malick projects in the works – both starring Bale but only one starring Baby Goose :( – but at least it is the only one that lets us witness Gosling with a machine gun. Is there nothing sexier on this planet, ladies? Actually, I suppose it would be better if he were shirtless and riding a lion like He-Man with Bale in a sidecar made of biceps, but we’re gonna have to settle for this.

The banner image is one of a few new stills that were recently released from the set of Lawless, but most of them were just Baby Goose being his lovable, charming self and mingling with the crew and fans. It’s good that he was being so affable with everyone, though, because rumor has it that Bale was actually firing a machine gun into the crowds. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it just sounds right.

[Editor's Note: The machine gun pictures are actually from Gangster Squad, from Ruben Fleischer (hopefully it's better than 30 Minutes or Less). Don't worry, I'll be sure to tan Burnsy's ass for this error.]

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s official: Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis (Gollum), Elijah Wood, and Cate Blanchett are all returning for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, scheduled to commence shooting next month in New Zealand, the festering pus fart of the south seas.

More actors are expected to sign on for the two-part [ugh] Peter Jackson film in the near future, including Christopher Lee as Saruman and Ian Holm as an older Bilbo Baggins. [ComingSoon]

Oh joy, six more hours of hobbitry.  That damned kiwi must’ve seen its shadow.  Anyway, Wood and Blanchett will reprise their roles as Frodo and Galadriel, respectively, this despite neither character appearing in the book.  I can only hope the Tolkienites have someone like Red Shirt Guy who can give Peter Jackson a DRESSING DOWN MOST THOROUGH at the next LARP convention.

Reprising her role as Frodo Saggins?  You guessed it, your mom.

Trailer for Hanna, y’all:

Raised by her father, an ex-CIA man, in the wilds of Finland, Hanna’s upbringing and training have been one and the same, all geared to making her the perfect assassin. The turning point in her adolescence is a sharp one; sent into the world by her father on a mission, Hanna journeys stealthily across Europe while eluding agents dispatched after her by a ruthless intelligence operative with secrets of her own.

So basically, the chick from Atonement/Lovely Bones — Saoirse (“SIR-shuh”) Ronan — is raised in the woods with Eric Bana, who turns her into a PERFECT KILLING MACHINE.  My favorite part was when she was riding in the undercarriage of a car like Cape Fear.  I wish she’d also had a knife between her teeth and was screaming YOU CAN’T RUN FROM SAOIRSE, MOTHERF**KERS!

Then in the next scene, someone’s looking at her DNA tests marked “ABNORMAL.” I’m telling you, if this chick turns out to be a secret dwarf hooker, I might pass out from glee.

Read the rest of this entry »

On May 14th, forest tights come in husky sizes.  That’s when Ridley Scott’s Gladiator of Robin Hood movies opens, starring Russell Crowe as plus-sized Robin Hood, Mark Strong, and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian.  The theme of this one seems to be Robin’s continued belief, as his father taught him, that “Kings have a need of their subjects.”  Meanwhile the king thinks, “Yes, for without them, who’s village would I burn down and women rape? Nigh for the king’s subjects doth not going to rape thyselves.”

Then they have a debate about it, and it’s my favorite kind of debate, where they shoot arrows at each other.  Then Robin and Marian have to share a bed, and she threatens to cut his wiener off if he tries anything.  But I bet you $10 they still fall in love.  I’m so excited, this is gonna be just like Leap Year!

Oh hey look, I just found an outtake from one of Russell Crowe’s love scenes:

Read the rest of this entry »