"Hey, and what's the deal with airline food?"

Apologies for not live-blogging the MTV Movie Awards last night, but in fairness, I didn’t liveblog my nieces arguing over which of their dolls were prettiest either.  Nonetheless, they happened, and Reese Witherspoon was there, collecting her award for fetchest wedge sandals “generation award”, whatever the hell that is.  Naturally, she took this as an opportunity to diss Blake Lively, who’d been onstage 10 minutes earlier. Mee-yow.

“I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl. But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed. And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people! Hide your face!” [TheSuperficial]

Uh, what?  Now, I get it if we’re talking about Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, talentless idiots who rode to fame on the backs (heh) of the sex tapes they pretended were unauthorized and now sell perfume to little girls, but the knock on Blake Lively seems uncalled for.  If someone hacks your cell phone against your will and posts your private pictures, you’re the one that’s supposed to be ashamed?  Granted I’m just a raging sexist dying for a broad to make me a sandwich, but that seems very… unfeminist to me. Not to mention, you do realize you just won a box of fake popcorn at a ceremony that honored Justin Bieber’s “Best Jaw-Dropping Moment” in Justin Bieber: Never Say Never and gave “Best Line from a Movie” to “I want to get chocolate wasted!” from Grown Ups, right?  Maybe not the best place to start doling out life advice like you’re the school valedictorian. “Remember, kids, take your vitamins and always believe in yourself!  …And now, here’s Channing Tatum to interpretive pop and lock the nominees for ickyest creeper!”

In conclusion, YOU APOLOGIZE TO BLAKE LIVELY RIGHT NOW, REESE WITHERSPOON!  SHE IS A GREAT PERSON AND A WONDERFUL PHOTOGRAPHER!

If there’s one story I love writing up, it’s a story about full-figured ladies duking it out in the streets, pullin’ hair and throwin’ ham hocks.  And if perchance a titty should escape its lacy prison… (*kisses fingertips*) divine.  This time, it all started with a 13-year-old’s Facebook post showing another girl in a side-by-side picture with Gabourey Sidibe in Precious.  13-year-olds today, don’t they know it’s Friday, Friday?  They should be out partyin’, partyin’, YEAH!

A 13-year-old girl’s Facebook posting of another girl’s photo side by side with a large young actress’ photo erupted into a street fight on Madison’s southeast side Monday night, with upwards of 15 people, mostly teen girls and women, duking it out, police said.

According to the Madison Police Department, the fight was reported at 10:55 p.m. on Great Gray Drive, near McFarland, and apparently started when the girl who made the posting challenged the other 13-year-old girl to a fight, also through Facebook.

“Police found 10-15 people engaged in a physical confrontation,” said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. “Most were women, both teens and adults.”

Police said the fight participants scattered when squad cars rolled up, and various items were left in the street, including socks, rubber bands, hair ties, hair extensions, and a claw hammer.

Not to mention a turkey leg, three whopper wrappers, a box of taco shells, a shattered gravy boat, and two pairs of nunchuks.  Throw a burnt doll in there and take a picture, BOOM!  There’s your Pulitzer.

“The mother of one of the 13-year-old girls said it all started when the other girl began posting pictures of her daughter side by side with those of a heavy-set actress from the movie ‘Precious,’ ” DeSpain said.
“Derogatory comments also apparently were made about the 13-year-old girl,” DeSpain said. [Madison.com]

At least, the girl in question assumed the comments were derogatory.  It turns out she has full-blown AIDS, a retarded baby, and can’t read. Police are still investigating.

It’s all-star weekend, and the fat black chicks are squaring off against the fat white chicks, presumably over access to NBA dong.  I think my favorite moment is when the random guy slaps the girl’s butt at the three-minute mark.  That and everything else that happens. [via Barstool]

MORNING LINKS

A Walking Dead video game?  So basically, a game where you kill zombies?  Why this is revolutionary. |GammaSquad|

Mike Tyson talks Oscars with Leonard Maltin.  Be better if he gave Ben Lyons a left hook to the bread basket. |TheDailyWhat|

Sports Illustrated swimsuit models do Letterman Top 10 list. |WithLeather|

How to Make Milk Steak and Four Other Pop Culture Meals. |WarmingGlow|

This is my new favorite basketball picture. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Worst Best Picture Oscar Winners: 10 Movies That Shouldn’t Have Won. |Moviefone|

Yo, dis bitch levitates. |Buzzfeed|

My ideal woman’s online dating profile. |HolyTaco|

Hooters girls predict the Oscars. |NextMovie|

Best gifs from the Best Picture nominees. (see below) |Clutch|

Deadliest catch deck hand dead at 33.  ;-( |ScreenJunkies|

Dead Island trailer riggedty remix. |G4|

Meet Etti-Cat, the 1960s LOLcat. |Urlesque|

FilmDrunk on Facebook. FilmDrunk on Twitter. The Frotcast on iTunes. Comments of the week. FilmDrunk Shirts on Sale

Is this footage from John Woo’s new movie?  I think it might be footage from the new John Woo movie.

MORNING LINKS

News related to tight underpants. |UproxxNews|

Leslie Nielsen’s contributions to sports comedy. |WithLeather|

Some chick arrested for illegally putting caulk in people’s butt. Can’t. Stop. Laughing. |WarmingGlow|

Is this the desk of the future? |GammaSquad|

“Here I Am” – Review Of Nicki Minaj’s Pink Friday |SmokingSection|

Taiwanimation explains the Wikileaks scandal. |GorillaMask|

This painting, “Kitty Kitty”, may haunt your nightmares. |TheDailyWhat|

Sexiest man (we think) alive spotted on the F train. |NYCBarstoolSports|

Pictured: In North Korea, sometimes Kim Jong Il just appears through a trap door to eat your food.  It’s part of their constitution.  |viaTheChive|

4 attempts to overcome the subtle butt gas neutralizers. |HolyTaco|

Trailer for new Fox cartoon Bob’s Burgers. |ScreenJunkies|

Six Movies that Make You Question Your Grip on Reality |UnrealityMag|

The Best (or Worst?) Of Hipsters |Gunaxin|

Guess The Movies That Featured These Really Fake Computer Screens |BroBible|

The most unflattering screengrabs from Chuck. |Pajiba|

FilmDrunk on Facebook. FilmDrunk on Twitter. The Frotcast on iTunes. Comments of the week.

Buy a FilmDrunk Shirt. (And if you already have one, send me pictures)

Yeah so that’s the gayest headline I’ve ever written.  But it’s fitting because I’m covering the drama surrounding Rachelle Lefevre’s replacement in the third Twilight movie.  Now Summit has issued a response to Lefevre’s statement. Read it if you like, but the gist is “reer!“.  Via /Film:

Ms. Lefevre’s representatives were advised as early as April that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE was expected to start shooting in early August.
- If Ms. Lefevre was, as she describes “passionate,” about being part of THE TWILIGHT SAGA, we feel that she and her representatives would have included us in her decision to work on another film that would conflict with the shooting schedule.
- It was not until July 20th that Summit was first informed of Ms. Lefevre’s commitment to BARNEY’S VERSION, a commitment we have since been advised she accepted in early June. Summit had acted in good faith that she would be available to fulfill her obligations both in terms of rehearsals and shooting availability for THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE. We feel that her choice to withhold her scheduling conflict information from us can be viewed as a lack of cooperative spirit which affected the entire production.
- Furthermore Ms. Lefevre took a role in the other film that places her in Europe during the required rehearsal time, and at least ten days of THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE’s principal photography.
- Contrary to Ms. Lefevre’s statement, it is simply untrue that the Studio dismissed her over a ten day overlap. It is not about a ten day overlap, but instead about the fact that THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE is an ensemble production that has to accommodate the schedules of numerous actors while respecting the established creative vision of the filmmaker and most importantly the story.
The fact remains that Ms. Lefevre’s commitment to the other project – which she chose to withhold from Summit until the last possible moment – makes her unfortunately unavailable to perform the role of Victoria in THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE.

I can relate.  I dismissed my last girlfriend for a lack of cooperative spirit.  She walked in on me pleasuring myself and then wouldn’t even spot me. I listen when you talk about your day, you could at least take an interest.