Going against his normal strategy of staying attached to a project just long enough to impress people at a Jonas Brothers concert, Brett Ratner has actually directed a movie. Tower Heist stars Ben Stiller as the manager of a luxury apartment complex, where in the penthouse lives a rich investor played by Alan Alda. When Stiller and the rest of the apartment staff discover that Alda is a scam artist who’s lost all their money in a Ponzi scheme (TOPICAL!), he leads the plucky crew of knockaround schlubs that includes Precious and Casey Affleck in a heist to steal back their money (because Jamaican house cleaners always have plenty of disposable income to invest with Wall Street guys, didn’t you know?). The story of a dorky Jewish guy proving how down with the brother man he is really spoke to Ratner, but to give it the full nachos-stained crotch fondle, he brought on Eddie Murphy as the criminal consultant to give it that quintessential Brett Ratner scene, an interracial buddy duo arguing in a car. Will they argue about the radio? Soul food? Boxing? I can’t wait to find out!

"HEY I SEE A TRANNY PULL OVER!"

And there’s really loud music playing over the whole thing, because Brett Ratner movies are essentially the conversation you have at a club, where the content doesn’t matter as long as there’s enough background noise to convince stupid people they’re having fun. NTZ NTZ NTZ NTZ NTZ NTZ…

[via Yahoo, opens November 4th]

The big news today is that Joaquin Phoenix went on Letterman last night, this time not in character.  You can hear all about it from boyish wonder Matt Ufford over on WarmingGlow, but probably the best exchange was Dave demanding money for his appearance in I’m Still Here, now that they’ve publicly admitted it wasn’t a strict “documentary.”

Joaquin: “Can we talk about it privately?”

Dave: “Yeah, I’ll go to one of your screenings.”

ZING!  Seriously though, well played, Letterman.  Meanwhile, over on his blog, Roger Ebert published an email exchange with Casey Affleck about the documentary concept which is worth a read, if you’re into that sort of thing.  My sister was a reader.

The bottom line: Casey Affleck thinks of it as a performance and not as an act, and he thinks of “I’m Still Here” as a film, and not a hoax. In an interview where he revealed details behind the making of his controversial film with and about Joaquin Phoenix, he also said:

- David Letterman was not in on the performance, and what you saw on his show was really happening.

- Phoenix dropped out of character when he was not being filmed or in public.

- The drugs and the hookers were staged. The vomiting was real. [phew!]

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Well, now all the nonbelievers can finally add Disheveled Joaquin Phoenix to their list of imaginary holiday figures -Casey Affleck has officially revealed to the New York Times that his upcoming Joaquin Phoenix fecal party, I’m Still Here, is actually just a piece of performance art. Shocking, I know. And for all three of the people who just genuinely gasped, I’d like you to drink some of this Kool-Aid.

*hands over leather canteen*

In a series of e-mails that followed a Thursday interview with the paper, Affleck turned all bromo and couldn’t stop praising the star of his film:

“His performance is compelling, always watchable, manages to be repulsive and charming, believable in all emotions, completely committed, incredibly brave,” wrote Mr. Affleck. It must have been “tedious” for Mr. Phoenix, he said. “How difficult to resist the cheap joke, the wink, the nudge.” But, he added: “He has the tools for this. He has the goods in spades.”

“I hope Joaquin gets nominated for all kinds of awards,” wrote Mr. Affleck. “He deserves it.”

Yeah, whatever you say, Casey. He has goods in spades and three in the stink, we get it. When asked about the infamous David Letterman interview, Affleck was adamant that Dave wasn’t in on the gag, but the New York Times posted a link to an article from Nuvo.net where Late Night writer, Bill Scheft, claims Letterman was completely aware the whole time.

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I’m Still Here, Casey Affleck’s documentary about Joaquin Phoenix’s mumble rappin’, cape buyin’ public breakdown, which may or may not have been a put on for the movie (it clearly was), is currently playing the Venice Film Festival.  And now, according to reports, the festival has been crashed by a Joaquin Phoenix impersonator.  A hoax about a hoax from a guy pretending to be a guy pretending to have a breakdown?  That’s so meta it makes my scarf chafe.  (*BRAAAAAHM*)

As Casey Affleck, producer/director on the offbeat documentary “I’m Still Here” builds buzz in Toronto for his directorial debut, his PR team has raised the alarm on an apparent charlatan who arrives by limousine at festival venues, and is accompanied by “a massive entourage of security and scantily clad female groupies.”

The blogosphere hasn’t yet lit up with confirming sightings of the faux Joaquin Pheonix, but Affleck is concerned enough about his fans being “tricked and disillusioned by the fraud” that he’s set to address the media Friday night outside the Varsity Theatre, just before “I’m Still Here” debuts in Toronto. [HollywoodReporter]

Gosh, it’s strange that his PR people have been the only ones to report this so far.  It’s almost as if they’re… inventing a publicity stunt… to promote their movie about… publicity stunts.  Hey, guys, I’ll go see your poo-prank movie, but not if you’re going to act all smug about it.  No one likes a smug poo pranker.  My mother taught me that.

UPDATE: According to a tipster, the impostor in question is this guy:

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I’m Still Here, the Joaquin Phoenix Cleveland Steamer documentary directed by Casey Affleck (best tagline ever), is currently playing at the Venice Film Festival.  Although it seems pretty clear to me that Joaquin’s crazed cape sprees and mumble rapping were a put on, Casey Affleck (C-Flex) is still telling anyone who will listen that it wasn’t.  …I think.  See if you can figure out what this means:

“Elliptically, I would say … I sincerely don’t want to influence people’s interpretation,” Affleck told reporters. “I can tell you there is no hoax. It makes me think of ‘Candid Camera’ or something.”

I don’t know what that means, but I’m pretty sure he’s being deliberately elliptical (you can tell because he begins the sentence with “Elliptically”).

What follows are scenes depicting his negative downturn [pff,says you]. There’s drug use, graphic language, the search for online sex, a meeting with a prostitute and other hard core scenes, such as of Phoenix attacking a spectator at his own concert.

According to an alleged eye-witness report, there wasn’t much of an “attack”, but that’s neither here nor there…

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