(It’s a turn on, because who hasn’t wanted to choke Kate Hudson?)
After the jump I’ve got the extended, American Film Market trailer for Michael Winterbottom’s A Killer Inside Me. I’m a little torn on whether to advise you to watch it, since it seems to give away the entire movie, but holy crap is it also awesomely disturbing. Some of the stuff that happens:
Bottom line, this was all sort of disturbing and I didn’t know whether to jerk off or curl up like a baby and suck my thumb. So I did both.
UPDATE: I realize the video I added originally didn’t work for some people, so I attached a new YouTube version.
This news item comes from Mike Walker’s National Enquirer column, which generally contains 99% made-up bullsh*t. But what can I say, I couldn’t resist a headline like “Joaquin Phoenix goes crazy while buying a cape.”
It’s no hoax, folks - Joaquin Phoenix is one nutty fruitcake! The looney-toony star, dressed like a homeless derelict and muttering to himself nonstop, was spotted pawing through racks of clothes at Red Balls on Melrose, where he finally grabbed a black velvet cape, black trousers and mesh top, ducked into a dressing room - and began belting rap songs.
Emerging in his new outfit, he told the salesgirl he’d be wearing it home. Nervous, she asked: “What form of payment will you be using today, sir?”… then nearly jumped out of her skin when Phoenix banged down a wad of cash and yelled: “MONEY!” [Editor's note: Again, possibly not true, but awesome. I'm totally stealing that.]
Said an eyewitness: “He mumbled madly while the girl counted out his change and offered him a bag for his own clothes. Joaquin never said a word, rushed out of the store wearing his velvet cape - and dumped his old clothes in the nearest trash can!” [Nat'lEnquirer via Celeb]
The eyewitness probably didn’t say that with an exclamation point, but Mike Walker’s keyboard is stuck on ‘breathlessly homo.’ Anyway, I hope Casey Affleck’s documentary comes out soon, because I’m starting to like this character. And I don’t know how he’s going to top himself short of pooping in random baby strollers. Same thing happened to Sean Young. It was …quite sad.
Joaquin Phoenix was a guest on Dave Letterman last night (watch the video after the jump), ostensibly to promote Two Lovers, but really to stay in the actor-turned-rapper character he claims not to have invented for Casey Affleck’s documentary. You have to give him credit, his schtick is really consistent - earnest but confused, sensitive, always wondering why everyone’s laughing at him. Early on, Dave (who doesn’t seem to be in on the joke) asks him about his beard.
DAVE: You look different than I remember. (laughter) You’ve got, uh, a nice beard going.
JOAQUIN: Yeah. Thank you.
DAVE: How is that, the beard?
JOAQUIN: (looking around) …In what way?
DAVE: Well, is it comfortable? Is it itchy? Are you pleased with it?
JOAQUIN: …I’m okay with it. …But now you’re making me feel weird about it.
And it goes on like that, with Dave trying to make jokes, Joaquin giving one-word answers and pretending to be offended, and the crowd laughing uncomfortably until it sort of comes to a head when Dave asks him to introduce a clip from the movie (4:35 of the video). Joaquin says he doesn’t know what the clip is, Dave implies he’s unprofessional, Joaquin gets offended, and Dave makes a crack, “No, that’s fine. I’ll come to your house and chew gum.” At which point Joaquin says, “That’s fine, I don’t have to chew gum,” and sticks it to the bottom of the desk (pictured).
Like the tag on his shirt, the gum-under-the-desk moment is one where I think you can tell it’s a joke because he took it one step too far. Nikki Finke even goes so far as to call it a “career-ending appearance.” But honestly, if you’d rather watch him promote a Gwyneth Paltrow movie than this, I don’t think we can be friends.
Read the rest of this entry »
Having already signed on for a full-length documentary, Joaquin Phoenix can’t just come out and say his rap career is a hoax, even though it clearly is.
After video hit the Internet last month capturing part of Phoenix’s debut rap performance at a Las Vegas club, speculation swirled that he was perpetrating an elaborate practical joke.
“I don’t know where that comes from,” Phoenix said. “If it comes from people that I’ve had a falling out with, that are (ticked) off at me?”
“There’s not a hoax,” Phoenix said. “Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that’s possible, but that’s certainly not my intention.”
Phoenix’s friend and brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, was on hand with a camera crew as he did interviews for “Two Lovers.” Affleck said his friend is completely serious.
“It sucks that, yeah, the footage is out there as like this incredibly bad sound, and you literally can’t hear what’s happening,” said Phoenix, who still has his bushy beard. “It was much better in the club, and I don’t know who said that people were booing … because that was not happening.
“Unless, of course, it’s a pretty big place, and maybe it was happening,” Phoenix added, laughing. “But it was not my experience. My experience afterward was I had a lot of dudes come up and say, `We really respect you for doing it, putting yourself out there, and going with it.’ Because I think true hip-hop heads know that it’s hard, it’s going to be a hard transition, and people are going to be lining up just to make fun of me.” [Yahoo]
So… anyone buying this, or should we go back to making Christian Bale remixes now? Sorry Joaquin, but coming out with the tag still on your shirt might have been overselling it just a bit.
Hey, remember how I said all along that this Joaquin Phoenix rap thing felt like a put on? Do you? Because I did. Are you done taking me for granted now, you selfish bastards? Well hey, guess what:
Following his widely panned three-song debut as a rapper at a Las Vegas nightclub on Jan. 16, two competing theories emerged: Either Phoenix is perpetrating an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style hoax (with an assist from his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck), or he’s truly lost his marbles. The truth, it seems, is closer to the former. “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it,’” says one source who recently worked with Phoenix.
…with this supposed career reboot he is evidently trying to both lampoon pompous actors and punk the media that covers them. Whatever his motivation or ultimate endgame, don’t expect him to break character anytime soon. “It’s an art project for him,” says a source. “He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.” [HollywoodInsider]
I’ve never been to prison so I’m not exactly sure how this “punk” thing works, but if involves helping the punkee make a ton of money, this is a total success. As peformance art, I’m not so sure. I was under the impression that performance art should involve human excrement.
[Thanks to BDarbs for the tip]
