Boy, this new set of Captain America adult Halloween costumes looks really good– wait, you’re saying these are the actual movie posters?  Oh crap.

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Things have obviously been a little crazy around here this week, what with all of the Gloria Allreds of the Interwebs putting a bounty on Vince’s testicles. That’s why I thought a great way to turn the page and start fresh would be to offer up a little peace treaty to all you intelligent, classy broads out there. In fact, even as our beloved Chodin has been away on assignment on Fire Island, he still found time to whisper in my ear from behind that we should give the ladies some eye candy to show that FilmDrunk isn’t a sexist haven for the web’s derelicts.

With that said, there’s no better way to say, “I respect females” than by giving them a gallery of the upcoming summer’s hottest movie bulges. An action hero isn’t an action hero if he doesn’t have a divine codpiece or some sort of crotchal decoration that screams, “This crotch belongs to a mother f*cking star!” And this summer is full of decorated crotches, so we hope that you ladies – and movie codpiece enthusiast men – enjoy this little trivia challenge that we’ve put together for you.

See if you can score 100 and become a Divine FilmDrunk Crotch Hound…

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It seems a little anti-climactic after we’ve already broken down homoerotic sunglasses guy and reintroduced Expository Tommy Lee Jones, but now Marvel has released the full trailer for Captain America: The First Avenger.  There’s not a lot to say about it considering we’ve already seen the bulk of the footage, but I’d have to say my favorite part is the way they set up the character by having pre-Captain America Steve Rogers attempt to use a trash can lid as a shield.  HURRRR, FORESHADOWING!  He was DESTINED to become Captain America, you see!  COLONEL!  HAVE YOU SEEN THESE TEST RESULTS?  THE BOY SCORED IN THE 98TH PERCENTILE IN SHIELDING INSTINCTS!

I wish they’d gone this direction with Thor, where the entire first act is just Thor looking confused and sad, trying to hammer railroad spikes with a reuben sandwich.

[Directed by Joe Johnston, starring Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, opens July 22nd]

Today we have some brand new footage from Marvel’s Captain America: First Avenger, courtesy of Entertainment Tonight.  As this new clip illustrates, Captain America tells the quintessentially American story — boy grows up a spindly pussy, boy gets shot full of performance-enhancing drugs, boy becomes man, man kills Hitler.  It’s the American dream.  It personifies our own country’s journey, from upstart twink to jacked power top.  But even more so than the story, something about it seemed familiar…

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Marvel’s Captain America: The First Avenger (GRR, TIE-INS!), starring Chris Evans directed by Joe Johnston, opens July 22nd, and it’s probably going to suck, but if you watch very closely in this new Entertainment Tonight promo, you can see him throw his shield!  Haha, I love you, adulthood.  Shields are best known as defensive weapons, so Captain America’s go-to move is kind of the why-you-hitting-yourself of superhero moves.  It’s fitting.  That’s the way I’ve always thought America, as the world’s A-holey older brother.  Always giving smaller countries Predator drone noogies, just for the f*ck of it.

UPDATE: Now with brand new picture (right).

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