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The magazine industry has been choking on giant horse balls lately, say industry experts, but ESPN has found the obvious solution: come out with a “body issue” and put Gina Carano topless on the cover. My favorite part of it is that there’s an ever-so-faint dusting of camel toe. Like they didn’t want it to reek of camel toe, so they just sort of sprayed the camel toe into the air and wafted it toward them. What’s that you say? This is a movie blog and not just a forum for my thoughts on camel toes? Oh, well, uh, she’s also going to be in that Steven Soderbergh spy movie, Knockout.
“My feeling was, If I don’t do this, somebody else will,” says the Oscar-winning director. “I felt, somebody is going to look at her and go, ‘She should be in a movie!’ And I felt like, Why shouldn’t I be the person saying that? If you start following the female mma fighters, Gina pops out pretty noticeably,” says Soderbergh [pointing to his boner]. “I’d been wanting to make a spy action film for a while, but hadn’t really determined what I was going to bring to it that would distinguish it. Then I thought, ‘Why don’t I just build it around her? She can actually break people in half.’ I was interested in doing something ultra-realistic.” [EmpireMag]
I love realism. Why just the other day my friend was telling me about his interview at the CIA. “So, Mr. Anderson,” they told him, “I see you already have a lot of experience as an analyst. Plus you’ve spent a lot of time in the field, and, you speak fluent Arabic. That’s all great. But I’m gonna be honest with you, there’s another candidate out there in a sports bra who promised to choke me until I jizz myself. I’m sure you understand.” And you know what? That candidate was me.
Subtle.
So Esquire’s Greg Williams shot this video, “Good Morning, Megan Fox,” with the digital HD Red One camera, and I’m posting it, even though it offends me that they think I’m this easy to pander to. And that it works. See everyone? She’s totally “A Guy’s Girl!” She drinks beer and eats barbecue and drives cars! She’s just like you and me and your stupid friends, but with visible camel toe! Oh, and she and her camel toe get paid to hang out all day by the pool. I mostly just get the cops called on me. Well excuuuse me, I didn’t know your pool was so exclusive. Settle down, Hitler, it’s a free country.
