First, the huge news – Channing Tatum is a proud father. Over the weekend, Tatum and his wife and Step Up co-star, Jenna Dewan-Tatum, announced the birth of their first child, Everly Tatum. As for the unique name, I’m not sure how they selected it, but with my unique knowledge of C-Tates, I believe that it’s because, “Yo fairy tales n sh*t, son. like happy everly after, right?”

With White House Down set to become one of the summer’s biggest blockbusters on June 28, it’s only fitting that Tatum, at the pinnacle of his adult life, would snag the cover of this month’s Vanity Fair to talk about, what else? Being a mac-daddy, a daddy-mac and just a daddy in general.

Last year’s $100 million man opened up about the hardships that his own father, a roofer until he broke his back, faced in raising the eventual hardest twerkin’ playboy in show bizna$$$ty. Tatum discussed how his own learning disability affected him and how that will factor into the way he raises his own daughter.

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First thing’s first, amigos – HAPPY 33rd BIRTHDAY, CHANNING MATTHEW TATUM! While 2012 will forever be known as the Year of the Tates, what with his success in having three blockbusters earn more than $100 million each, this has so far been the laid back vacation year that C-Tates very much deserves. So tonight, when you’re out at a bar, perhaps waiting to perform Nelson’s “Love and Affection” at karaoke night, raise a beer or white wine spritzer in honor of Tatum’s birthday, knowing that he’ll be looking up at that same night sky after vomiting from too many Alabama slammers.

That said, my HOTT GOSS email inbox has been pretty empty lately, what with several lawsuits claiming that my special brand of celebrity gossip is “100% wrong” and “completely fabricated”, but rest assured that I will walk away victorious. Fortunately, I woke this morning to find one email, and talk about convenient – it’s an exclusive White House Down storyboard from one of the film’s few deleted scenes.

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Olympus Has Fallen has been in theaters since Friday and has already grossed $33 million on a $70 million budget, and it is also holding strong on Rotten Tomatoes with 50% and 79% critics and audience ratings, respectively. The plot, in case you have amnesia, involves a shamed Secret Service agent (Gerard Butler) rescuing the president (Aaron Eckhart) after an attack on the White House by North Koreans. Olympus was written by first-timers Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt, who sold their script to Millenium Films in March 2012.

Opening on June 28, White House Down also involves an attack on the White House, but this time it is by a paramilitary group, and the right place/right time hero is a local cop (Channing Tatum) on a tour of the president’s crib. WHD was written by James Vanderbilt (The Amazing Spider-Man, Zodiac, Basic, The Rundown, etc.) who sold his script to Sony for $2 million, also in March 2012.

As for which movie White Housed it better, that has yet to be determined. But we finally have a trailer for White House Down, and that’s a crip walk in the right direction.

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Undeterred by Matthew McConaughey‘s biggest Oscar snub of all time (with the “Ladies of Tampa” snub being a close second), Magic Mike producers are still moving forward with plans for a Magic Mike Broadway musical. And if you always dreamed of having a flamboyantly gay man grind his crotch in your face while he does a Matthew McConaughey impression and sings a song about coffee tables, you’re in luck, because a producer has confirmed to Vulture that the play will indeed have lap dances. All the best plays do. Heck, my mom practically majored in “theater.”

We got the answer to that last question when we spoke to producer Gregory Jacobs (also the first assistant director on the Magic Mike movie) at the Cinema Society premiere for Side Effects last week. “Oh, you definitely might get a lap dance,” he said. “Absolutely. That’s happening for sure.” Jacobs also let slip that “there’s bound to be a great song about how to pick out a thong,” but couldn’t reveal much more. “It’s coming along, and there will be more about it soon,” he said.

Because Burnsy and I are close personal friends of C-Tates, and not the kind of friends he feels the need to ever mention or be photographed with because we’re that close, we were able to get our hands on an exclusive set list for the Magic Mike Broadway musical.

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New York Times chief film critic A.O. Scott, which I choose to believe stands for Artichoke Octagon, is among the first of journalism’s heavy hitters acting as the clap to break the eventual avalanche of year-end filler stories and lists (including my very own UPROXX Persons of the Year and Worst Movies of 2012). Scott’s main piece – which is so big that it even warranted the Times interviewing its own writer about it – focuses on the rise of the “Hollywood Heroine”, as he believes that 2012 was a particularly strong year for powerful female characters, including Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman and Scarlett Johannsson’s Black Widow, among others.

But Scott also purchased himself a seat on the Channing Tatum A-List bandwagon, which Vince and I take full credit for now that his stock is through the roof, and the N.Y. Times magazine is calling our boy C-Tates one of this year’s Memorable Men. That’s not quite as big as GQ naming him the Movie Star of the Year, and it’s certainly not as monumental as People dubbing him the Sexiest Man Alive, but it’s still nice that this year’s $500 million man is being noticed for his acting.

Haha, just kidding, it’s about his abs.

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