Joaquin Phoenix and the backwards B girl had a baby, and they named it Neveah.
The trades are reporting today that Casey Affleck’s next project will be directing a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix’s “music career.” This whole thing sounds a little bit fishy, because if you’ll remember, Casey Affleck was standing next to Joaquin during Joaquin’s original retirement announcement (video of that here), and was the one who had to explain that Slurry McPainkillers was planning to focus on music after he stormed off. Oh but wait, it gets weirder:
Phoenix is embarking on a new path as a rapper, with an album to be produced by Sean Combs. He is scheduled to make his first public performance Friday at a Las Vegas club, which will officially kick off Affleck’s shoot.
I just checked my calendar and it’s not April 1st. Are they serious? And by that I mean, is he joquin? Or is this simply a product of jealousy of rappers-turned-actors combined with dyslexia? My guess is that it’s some kind of elaborate publicity stunt and they’re planning to punk the media with some nonsensical performance art that only actors will understand.
UPDATE: TMZ apparently has video of Joaquin doin’ his thang. And by ‘doin’ his thang’, I mean slurring unintelligibly and looking like a homeless person - but this time over a drum beat!
In Two Lovers, Joaquin Phoenix is caught in a love triangle between Gwyneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw. Must be an Isosceles triangle, youknowwhatahmsayin? *holds up fist, looks around for math pound*
As you can see, Vinessa Shaw is pretty hot in spite of her annoying misspelled name. Alternate title for this movie? It’s So Hard to Say Bye Good.
In honor of Nicole Kidman and Joaquin Phoenix’s recent announcements that they’d be retiring from acting, NY Mag has put together a little compilation of “retiring actor” quotes. Here are just some of them:
Clint Eastwood: “[Gran Torino] will probably be my last. I’ll be drummed out of it after this one. Every time you do a movie you think, ‘Aw, that’s enough of that.’”
Freddie Prinze Jr.: ‘I’m going to stop acting in the next few years because it’s just too weird.”‘
Sean Connery: “The time has come because of my rather unfortunate last movie. The cost to me in terms of frustration and avoiding going to jail for murder cannot have continued.”
Gwyneth Paltrow: “I hated acting… Acting and the whole circus around it.”
Lindsay Lohan: “I hate Hollywood and I don’t want to work there.”
Alec Baldwin: “I believe it is time for me to do something else. It’s absolutely, unequivocally time for me to do something else… I can’t do this anymore. It’s all about compromising. I hate work. I f-cking hate it in every way.”
Kevin Spacey: “I don’t care about my personal acting career any more. I’m done with it.”
Nicolas Cage: “I’m tired of it. It has made me reclusive. That is an increasingly gnawing feeling in my body.”
Hayden Christensen: “I don’t find Hollywood interesting, so I’m thinking about studying architecture instead.”
Audrey Tatou: “I know I’m not the best actress in the world and not the worst but I think that maybe I’d be happier doing something that doesn’t leave me so exposed.”
Hugh Grant:: “It’s so long and boring and so difficult to get right.”
Sting: “It’s too much hard work.”
Mena Suvari: “I don’t have a strong desire to be an actress my whole life–it’s just not fulfilling enough for me… If I hadn’t got into modeling, I probably would have studied psychology and might be working on a PHD right now.”
Madonna: “I hate to admit it, but I’ve decided to give [acting] up.”
Uma Thurman: “I am thinking about becoming a stay-at-home mom.”
Tom Selleck: “A dog was killed — trampled to death — and it really disturbed me… I remember saying to my agent, ‘If this is what it’s like, I’ve got to find another line of work.”
Elizabeth Hurley: “I decided I couldn’t really do movies any more.”
Matthew Broderick: “I should probably quit. Acting is a tough living.”
Rachel Bilson: “I love the career I have chosen, but I’d be quite happy as a housewife, at home with the kids.”
In between the two or three hours a day they have to pretend to be astronauts and princesses, actors spend all their time eating free food and having their every need attended to by an army of assistants, so I can see why they’d want to trade it all in for something real, like watching Power Point presentations or emptying colostomy bags. Really, my only question is for Tom Selleck, and what the hell movie he was talking about in his quote.
My guess? Quigley Down Under.
