Director Christopher Nolan was extra careful about only allowing his Dark Knight Rises prologue (a six-minute trailer, basically) to be shown at 70mm IMAX theaters (not even regular IMAX theaters could show it), only 42 of which exist in the entire country, where the audiences who saw it would only experience it with the finest, state of the art projections on stadium-sized screens. Most of us couldn’t make it for that, but luckily for us, some hobo filmed half the screen on a shaky ass cam that he projected onto a prostitute’s scabby labia in this video, and you can almost make out a couple of the actor’s faces between the chancres and stray pubes. Ahh, yes, it’s a wonderful time to be alive. The bootleg is after the jump, it probably won’t be for long, and it’s probably the crappiest quality anything I’ve ever posted on this site. And yet I watched the entire thing. Go figure.

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The red-band trailer for David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo leaked its way online.  Fincher’s much-anticipated remake of the 2009 Swedish film, based on the first of author Stieg Larssen’s Millennium Series, opens December 21st, starring Rooney Mara, Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgård, and Christopher Plummer, among others.  This is the bootleg, buttcam version of the trailer (with the official version supposedly hitting this Thursday), so watch it while you can before it gets pulled.  A lot of people like to get all self-righteous about not posting bootleg trailers, but the way I look at it, it’s an advertisement for a movie, not the polio vaccine.

As for the trailer, it seems like you’d have to be a big fan of the book or the Swedish movie to get much out of it.  It’s just out-of-context shots set to music, the first lesson of any high school video productions class.  Ooh, you mean it seems cooler if I set the cuts to the drumbeat of a Led Zeppelin song?  Call the Pulitzer committee, I think I’ve made an important discovery. At least it’s not little kids singing Radiohead this time, that’d make a hobo taking a dump seem epic.

So I was sitting here having this silent dilemma.  I was debating whether I should cave to demand and post the description of the teaser for JJ Abrams’ Super 8 that’s currently attached to Iron Man 2. I know there’s a certain breed of dork out there that demands this information, but I can think of few things more asinine than reading someone else’s description of a trailer.  Are you that hard up to know about this that you can’t wait another day?  If you were blind and you knew you were getting your sight back in two days, would you spend half your day having someone describe to you the poster for the Lost finale?  That’s a bad analogy, but it’s hard to come up with a good analogy for something this lame.  Maybe it’s more like a retarded dog jacking off and farting (also the name of my indie band).

Anyway, someone posted a bootleg version of it so now you can just watch that (hurry before it’s gone).  Here’s my description of it: “It’s about aliens.”

[via ComingSoon]

The trailer for the Joe Carnahan-directed A-Team remake hits theaters this weekend, and The Film Stage noticed an early leak to the Edmonton Journal, so they uploaded it to vimeo.  Check it out while it lasts, as it’ll probably get tugged off faster than a Republican congressman in a cruisy rest stop. Haha, good one, Jay.

The quality sucks, but dare I say… it looks promising?  As good as a Fox-remake of a cheesy TV show could possibly be?  If nothing else, Joe Carnahan knows how to film dumb action.  Rampage Jackson as “Bad Attitude” Baracas never says he ain’t flyin on no plane, but he does punch a guy out as Brad Cooper notes, “Looks like you got a bad attitude.”

Whackety schmackedy!  Also, what’s up with Rampage stealing Chuck Liddell’s hairstyle?  Not that I’m surprised. It’s just like the blacks to co-opt white culture.  Next he’ll be slowing down and trying to rely on his “grit” and “work ethic”.

(Somethin for the ladies)

UPDATE: Yep, fun ruined by Paramount’s lawyers.

Here’s the Iron Man 2 footage screened at Comic Con the other week, shot on glorious buttcam. If you can actually understand the dialog you have better headphones than I, but from what I can tell, it starts with Robert Downey asking if he can join Nick Fury-Samuel Jackson’s team.  Then it transitions to a court sequence in which Senator Gary Shandling wants the government to take away Tony Stark’s suit, because obviously it’s a national security threat, just like the X-Men. Duh, dude, just relax. Let Tony Stark handle whatever comes up, it’s his vision.  Don’t you read Ayn Rand?

Then after the hearing, it switches to random shots of stuff, like Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow and Mickey Rourke as Whiplash, all set to music.  It gets me super pumped to see the movie, but in a way it’s sort of cheating.  You could edit Love Actually to “Shoot to Thrill” and I’d probably be in the back headbanging, screaming “YEEEEAH, LET’S SEE THIS BITCH FALL IN LOVE!” That doesn’t necessarily make it a good movie.

Also, and this is neither here nor there, but if Mickey Rourke could rock out to AC/DC while feeding his pet cockatoo crackers from his mouth it would be the cutest thing ever.