Thank God for Burn After Reading, because once all the Dark Knights, Iron Men, and Tropic Thunderses are gone, I get the feeling we’re headed for that inevitable hangover.  Plus, I’ve been drinking a lot. 

Anyway, today they released a couple new teaser trailers for Harry (George Clooney) and Chad (Brad Pitt).  And of course it’s still got the Coen Brothers directing, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, and Frances McDormand.  Simply put, I’d bone this movie.  That could be the sequel, Smoke After Boning.  What, that wasn’t funny?  Well screw you, buddy, I’m not just gonna sit here and take this kind of abuse.  What do I look like, some kind of Frances McDoormat?  *sigh*  Sometimes I cut myself. 

The Coen Brothers released the poster for their upcoming film Burn After Reading (trailer here).  The retro style poster is an obvious homage to legendary poster designer Saul Bass.  Obvious to anyone who’s not a total idiot, anyway.  Honestly, if you couldn’t tell that was a Saul Bass homage you should probably just kill yourself.  Or at least send all your friends a bouquet of flowers for ever deigning to hang out with you.  They should all be recommended for sainthood.

Also important to note: An "homage" is an optical phenomenon that occurs when a gay man is walking through the desert and sees a vision of a shirtless, strapping young man who’s not really there. 

[via Cinematical] 

After the jump I’ve got the red-band trailer for Burn After Reading, the new Coen brothers movie starring Brad Pitt, George Clooney, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, JK Simmons, and Frances McDormand.  It opens September 12th, so plan your stay in rehab accordingly.

It appears to be a Lebowski-esque story of lost CIA files with Brad Pitt in the main role, except this time The Dude is a hyperactive personal trainer rather than an aging stoner. 

I’ve got a pretty big nerd boner for this already, but does anyone else wonder about how the workload between the Coen Brothers actually breaks down?  It’s easy just to say “The Coen Brothers” but are we talking perfect equality like Tomax and Xamot here or is it more like Jimmy and Billy Carter, where one brother’s hard at working brewing beer and the other just sits on his ass all day being president.

Thanks to BGavin for the tip 

The first official stills from Burn After Reading, the Coen brothers project set to open in September, have hit the web.  Everyone in them looks in some way perplexed.  The movie stars Brad Pitt, George Clooney, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton (the awesome Oscar speech giver), and Frances McDormand. 

Burn centers on Osbourne Cox (Malkovich), who has hit a bit of rough patch. He was recently fired from the CIA and decides to write his memoirs, naturally documenting government secrets along the way. His wife (Swinton) decides to steal the material to use in their upcoming divorce proceedings, but the CD mistakenly ends up in the hands of two doltish gym employees, Chad (Pitt) and Linda (McDormand). In response to Linda and Chad conspiring to sell the material to help pay for Linda’s plastic surgery, the CIA dispatches Harry (Clooney) to sort it all out at whatever the cost. [FirstShowing]

A guy named Brad playing a guy named Chad?  I dunno, seems like a stretch.  Anyway, I would definitely bone this movie.   In other news, be on the look out for Paris Hilton’s next project, Burn After Peeing. [Thanks to Eib for the tip]

These are the latest pics of Brad Pitt on the set of Burn After Reading.  One can conclude that the movie is about Mr. Pitt riding a bike and bleeding.  Oh, and also:

In the film, John Malkovich play Ozzie Coxs, a former CIA agent whose soon-to-be ex-wife (Frances McDormand) steals a disc containing his memoirs and accidentally leaves it at the gym where it is found by a trainer (Pitt) who believes he can use the info to blackmail Cox. George Clooney will play an assassin hired by the CIA to take care of the situation. Tilda Swinton also costars.

It’s nice to see Clooney and Pitt together, even though it makes me question my sexuality.  (Hey, sexuality, what’s the square root of 527?  C’mon, answer me, fag!).  And John Malkovich is a great Hollywood weirdo in the Marlon Brando tradition.  Fun video and story from Being John Malkovich, after the jump.   

This is a YouTube clip with some of the Being John Malkovich commentary. The clip description says director commentary, though the voice doesn’t sound to me like Spike Jonze – anyone own this DVD that can confirm?  Anyway, the commentary, in case you don’t want to watch the clip, is:

The scene comin up where the guy throws the can and says ‘Hey Malkovich, think fast!’.  That was not in our script at all.  We had had some extras that had snuck some beer on set, and they had gotten pretty lit… And he throws the can at Malkovich and has the famous line, ‘Hey Malkovich, think fast!’ and he now has his SAG card because of it, and we had to bump his pay from about $100 a day to $700 a day, and he has Mr. Malkovich’s reaction to thank for that.

As I’ve always said, drinking on the job makes everything you do better.  Also, the best way to gain the respect of a celebrity is to throw something at his head.  That’s how I met Benicio Del Toro.