Do you find strip clubs lacking in culture?  Are readings too literary?  Big fan of on-the-nose titles?  Well an event called “Naked Girls Reading Pulp Fiction” might be just the thing for you.

Not quite sure if this sounds incredibly funny or incredibly stupid but what we have here is exactly what it sounds like.Young women taking off their clothes and reading before a live audience. The women — Scarlett Letter, Angelita Purrvertina, Miss Josie Bunnie, and La Fille Damnee — normally work as burlesque dancers. This time around they’ll be reading from detective stories, men’s magazines, trashy novels and sleazy sex paperbacks. And for kicks, there is a free wine reception after the show. It’s still a pretty win-win situation. [LAWeekly - though the post is gone now]

Ha, “Angelita Purrvertina.”  Sounds like a case of Isabella Tryingtooharderella there.  Naked women reading though, huh?  Well la di dah, Princess Smartypants, are you going to keep your pinkie out during the handjob too?  Whatever, I’m still wearing sweatpants.  Anyway, I haven’t seen any reviews of the event yet, so if you’ve got an eye witness report, I’d love to hear it.  Something tells me Eric Stoltz’ famous “you mean the one with all the sh*t in her face?” line could apply to most of the actresses in this case.  And the audience.

Christina Aguilera has been taking a lot of heat lately, for screwing up the lyrics to the national anthem and for looking more and more like a Fraggle Rock puppet, but I think things are starting to look up.  Her Golden Globe-nominated film Burlesque just opened in India, and from the sounds of this review, they liked it.

[last paragraph of Sampurn Wire's review in OneIndiaEntertainment]

Cher has performed well but Aguilera was at her best vocal form often shouting her undisputed vocal prowess. It has a very predictable storyline with some clichés taking the story forward. Stanley Tucci offers a great performance as the manager Sean, who stands as a pillar of strength for Tess. It is a treat for the homosexual fans of Cher.

Wait, homosexual?  You mean because it’s a musical?  That doesn’t make any sense.  If I’ve learned anything from watching Glee, it’s that the people who love Cher music the most are football players and big tough guys with mohawks.

In any case, I’ve turned the tables with my review of the Indian film Endhiran, which I called “A tour de force for anyone who loves a giant cobra made of robot men that slithers around eating cars.”

64-year-old Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen died last night after reportedly being shot five times in the chest and crashing her car into a pole in Beverly Hills, after attending the Burlesque premiere earlier that evening.  Yeah… so I guess I’ll save the jokes on this one.

“On November 16th 2010 at approximately 12:28 a.m. Beverly Hills police officers received info regarding shots that were heard in the area of Sunset and Whittier, shortly after a collision was reported in the same area. Units arrived and discovered a newer black Mercedes Benz E-350 involved in a solo crash to the light pole. The lone female occupant was located in the vehicle with apparent multiple gunshot wounds to her chest. Beverly Hills paramedics transported the victim to a local hospital where she was later pronounced deceased. The investigation is in the preliminary stages and no further information is available at this time. At this time there is no suspect, info or motive for this crime.”

Chasen began her career as a publicist in 1973, and worked on films such as 1989′s Driving Miss Daisy and 1997′s Lolita.

In February 1993, she was named senior vice president of worldwide publicity at MGM. [THR]

Pardon me for stating the obvious, but that’s terrible.  You see, this is why I only work from home.  First they make you put on pants, and before you know it, all kinds of awful things are happening. You can’t trust those animals out there.

Just when I thought this new Burlesque trailer had appealing to gay men down to a science — singin! Dancin! Drama! Cher! — boom, cinematic poison Cam Gigandet shows up.  He spends most of the trailer wearing a bowler hat, like somebody went out to the forest and kidnapped the ugliest sloth they could find and forced him to play A Clockwork Orange.  Anyway, if I can force myself to see beyond that hideously deformed river troll for a few seconds, and that means supressing my gag reflex, the plot is that Christina Aguilera comes to LA with just the clothes on her back and a dream, a dream that she would one day do softcore strip shows at one of those burlesque clubs that will be all the rage for the next six months.  But then Cher is all, “You think any super pretty girl with blonde hair a big boobs can just barge in here and get up onstage and dance, just because she’s got a Grammy nominated voice?  Please!  This is burlesque!  You wanna act like a bimbo you can take your ass back to Coyote Ugly!  NOW LEMME SEE YOUR JAZZ HANDS!  TEXAS?! ONLY STEERS AND QUEERS FROM TEXAS! NOW CHOKE YOURSELF!   AAAHHHHHH!”

Or something like that.  Anyway, musicals aren’t really my thing, but this one seems like it will be a lot better than Nine, mainly because it actually looks like a musical and not a perfume commercial.

DURRRRRRRR

After the jump, watch the first trailer for Burlesque, starring Cher, Christina Aguilera, and Stanley Tucci (The Tooch).  I would’ve put the video on top, but I wanted to capture the weird cross-eyed blink thing Christina Aguilera keeps doing with her eyes.  For the uninitiated, a burlesque dancer is basically a stripper who can read, and this movie would like us to believe that it’s making a comeback.  The movie itself looks like kind of a throwback to something made in the 30s or 40, but I mean that in a good way, because the dialogue is delightfully ridiculous.  Some of my favorites lines:

“When you are putting on your makeup, you’re like an artist, but instead of painting on canvas, you’re painting a face.”

CHER: What happened to all the great dancers in LA?
STANLEY TUCCI: They’re all dancing with the stars.

Allie?  Is that short for something?
Alice.
Well, Alice.  Welcome to wonderland.

Read the rest of this entry »