Peter Jackson’s visual effects company, Burger King Weta Workshop, have just been confirmed as working alongside RG Entertainment on a new, live-action and animatronics version of The Wind in the Willows. Scheduled for a fall shoot, the project will be directed by Ray Griggs (Super Capers, upcoming docu I Want Your Money) using a $30 million budget raised from private investors. And this is neither here nor there, but if you swap the first letters in that guys name, you end up with Gay Rriggs, who I’m pretty sure is one of Stallone’s Expendables characters.

The “Willows” script was penned by Bill Marsilii (“Deja Vu”)…

“The Wind in the Willows” centers on the quartet of talking animals — Mole, Rat, Badger and Toad — in a story that mixes adventure, morality and camaraderie. It’s been adapted as a feature several times, including the 1949 Disney animated film “The Adventures of Ichabod Crane and Mr. Toad” and Sony’s 1996 live-action version directed by Terry Jones.

In the Marsilii script, the animals join forces to save their land from a sinister plot that threatens to destroy the uneasy truce between the peaceful animals of the Willows and what remains of Mankind. [Variety]

In the least fetish-sounding-way possible, I’d like to mention that I’m a big fan of animatronics over computers, any day -but at the same time, if it’s not done right, you just end up with a shlocky masturbation puppet that gives kids night terrors. After the jump I’ve got clips from both versions of The Wind in the Willows, quoted above, and it’s really kind of hard to figure out which is A) more awesome and B) more disturbing. Regardless though, a hybrid of these two ingredients sounds too good to pass up. It’s been a whole week couple of long years since I last tripped balls in a movie theater with my friend Escobar.
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Yeah? Sorry, bird's busy. Can I take a message?

When I think “Mickey Rourke burger,” I think a hearty back slap, a juicy high ball, and a slice of foul-mouthed straight talk, served on a gust of cigarette breath with a side of tiny dogs.  As appetizing as that sounds, Burger King ignored all of it when creating their new Whiplash burger, based on Mickey Rourke’s drunken, parrot-berating character from Iron Man 2.

This limited-time addition to the BK^® menu captures the sharp edge of the film’s villain, Whiplash, with an intense, red-hot flavor combination featuring a flame-broiled WHOPPER^® sandwich topped with melted Pepper Jack cheese, crispy red peppers and spicy mayonnaise. The fiery sandwich will be available for a suggested price of $3.79 at participating restaurants throughout the four-week promotion.

I could see eating that, possibly for my late-night, Taco-Bell-inspired fourthmeal (thanks, Taco Bell, before it was just called “being a fat stoner”).  But why only four weeks?  What am I supposed when they discontinue the sandwich after I’m already hooked?  Go back to eating regular Whoppers? Please, I’d rather lick a subway pole (no homo).

In the national adult television commercial, the King armors up with a futuristic “Iron Man” suit. In the spot, the “Iron King” introduces the latest technologies from the BURGER KING brand to the curious visitors at the Stark Expo. In his quest to deliver high-tech value with flame-fresh taste via another new great product, the Buck Double sandwich, he ends up wreaking havoc at the Expo.*

The Iron King sounds pretty sweet, so no complaints there. (He’s successfully privatized national deliciousness!) But I ask, would not a better commercial just be The King and Mickey Rourke makin’ it rain in a strip club?

*The press release comes from IESB, who wondered “Isn’t Mickey Rourke a vegetarian?”  The answer is no (as far as I can tell).  He did some commercials for PETA (below), but they were for neutering your dogs, not going veg.  He also recently bought a cockatoo and named it “Elvis.” (Cue ‘More You Know’ music)

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By now you’ve probably seen that “Whopper Virgins” Burger King commercial about traveling to remote places (Thailand, Greenland, and Romania, to be specific) to do a Whopper vs. Big Mac taste test among people who’ve never eaten burgers.  The resulting documentary (watch the whole thing below) was actually directed by Stacey Peralta, previously of Dogtown and the Z-Boys and Riding Giants (as well as the planned director for the adaptation of Allan Weisbecker’s book, In Search of Captain Zero).

It’s entertaining, if not necessarily effective as a commercial, considering some of the people choose Big Mac, and the guy above says he prefers seal meat (so does Heidi Klum – Heyo!).  I think a pretty funny joke would’ve been to have the people take a bite of the burger and then tell them, “You have three minutes to live.  We’re taking your soul back to America in our cameras.”  Or travel to India and not tell the people what they’re eating, and then after they take a bite say, “See?  They’re not just sacred, they’re delicious!” and have that guy in the king mask come out and start breakdancing.
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According to WENN, Robert Downey Jr. publicly thanked Burger King for helping him overcome his drug problem.  In related news, I can’t believe this is a real story.

  In 2003, the actor – who, at the time, was battling an addiction to drugs and alcohol – was driving a car filled with "tons of f**king dope" on California’s Pacific Coast Highway when he decided to stop at the burger joint for a meal.
  And the trip to the fastfood outlet caused him to re-evaluate his whole life.
  He says, "I have to thank Burger King. It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen." [You got shitcanned and passed out in a random little girl's bed, and it was a f-ing burger that caused you to rethink things? -Ed.]
  The actor goes on to hint that a fateful moment in new movie Iron Man, when his character Tony Stark requests a cheeseburger from Burger King after being released from his captors, is a reference to his own experiences. [Source]

Burger King responded by saying, “We didn’t pay you 8 million dollars to call our burgers disgusting, you prick.  What are you, on drugs?”  Seriously, I hope this isn’t the start of a trend where people start explaining product placement.  We get it, they paid you, it’s okay.  Just because I see a movie about a guy with a robot butler who shoots rockets out of his arms doesn’t mean you can start treating me like a little kid.